Secrets Whispered to a Wall
Well, no one reads this anyway so I might as well just type in this for now on I suppose.
It's late as another restless night is upon me. I listen to Miles Davis through my headphones and I am taken away to a world of cool and blue; this is just how Miles intended it to be I hope. Either way, I am enjoying the experience despite my lack of sleep and lack of desire to actually sleep. Sleep is death for a few hours out of the day, why waste those hours pretending to be dead?
I'm at a strange and terrible crossroad in my life once again. I lost many things these past few years and I am still here. Still breathing. Barely. Breathing nonetheless though. I suppose that can't be too bad of a thing since I know I am alive at this present moment. Tomorrow may hold different answers for different crystal gazers. My left eye is burning from the contact lens I had taken out. It is slightly red and very irritable. Like an angry hornet about to be lightly stepped on my a child who will be stung to no end.
I sit here and contemplate things of my past, present and future. The past is usually made up bullshit that we tend to make up tiny details that never actually happened. The future is unpredictable and never ends up being what we want it to be. The only way to live is in the present moment. This is sort of hard to do since every thought we think of is already in the past. Tricky. Yet, I am trying my best to live in the current moment as trying to repair past mistakes and future accidents just doesn't work out that way. Usually trying to repair the past just makes it ten times worse. Not many live in the moment and feel the need to cling onto their past and that arises all sorts of problems. Unless someone tried to murder you or something, why cling on to the hatred and resentment you have towards them? People change every day and if that person genuinely made a change and wants to be a better person. Let them. Don't sit there and hold them back from being better because of a mistake in the past. Let. It. Go.
I need to realize who I am and love myself. Not in an egotistical way mind you. I need to love myself as in I accept my faults as a person and strive to repair such faults so I am a better person in the long run. Easier said than done I suppose. It is like a constant New Year's Resolution that is never fulfilled and only talked about to a small circle of people. And such is life I suppose. Broken promises and dreams. Strewn across the floor like demolished glass in a beautiful yet dangerous array of sharp crystals waiting to puncture the skin to inflict the pain that makes us realize how hard it is to achieve such things called, "Dreams" and to keep absurd ideas like "promises."
I'm not sure what the purpose of this is, I just feel the need to vent a bit. No one reads these anyway so I reckon I am safe, no?
It's late as another restless night is upon me. I listen to Miles Davis through my headphones and I am taken away to a world of cool and blue; this is just how Miles intended it to be I hope. Either way, I am enjoying the experience despite my lack of sleep and lack of desire to actually sleep. Sleep is death for a few hours out of the day, why waste those hours pretending to be dead?
I'm at a strange and terrible crossroad in my life once again. I lost many things these past few years and I am still here. Still breathing. Barely. Breathing nonetheless though. I suppose that can't be too bad of a thing since I know I am alive at this present moment. Tomorrow may hold different answers for different crystal gazers. My left eye is burning from the contact lens I had taken out. It is slightly red and very irritable. Like an angry hornet about to be lightly stepped on my a child who will be stung to no end.
I sit here and contemplate things of my past, present and future. The past is usually made up bullshit that we tend to make up tiny details that never actually happened. The future is unpredictable and never ends up being what we want it to be. The only way to live is in the present moment. This is sort of hard to do since every thought we think of is already in the past. Tricky. Yet, I am trying my best to live in the current moment as trying to repair past mistakes and future accidents just doesn't work out that way. Usually trying to repair the past just makes it ten times worse. Not many live in the moment and feel the need to cling onto their past and that arises all sorts of problems. Unless someone tried to murder you or something, why cling on to the hatred and resentment you have towards them? People change every day and if that person genuinely made a change and wants to be a better person. Let them. Don't sit there and hold them back from being better because of a mistake in the past. Let. It. Go.
I need to realize who I am and love myself. Not in an egotistical way mind you. I need to love myself as in I accept my faults as a person and strive to repair such faults so I am a better person in the long run. Easier said than done I suppose. It is like a constant New Year's Resolution that is never fulfilled and only talked about to a small circle of people. And such is life I suppose. Broken promises and dreams. Strewn across the floor like demolished glass in a beautiful yet dangerous array of sharp crystals waiting to puncture the skin to inflict the pain that makes us realize how hard it is to achieve such things called, "Dreams" and to keep absurd ideas like "promises."
I'm not sure what the purpose of this is, I just feel the need to vent a bit. No one reads these anyway so I reckon I am safe, no?