College life
I feel like time has been passing ridiculously slow.
Sometimes I think that is a bad thing, other times I think it is a good thing.
I feel like, for whatever reason, since time seems to be passing so slow, I am living more in the present...And that is definitely always a good thing.
I've been trying really hard not to look too far into the future and just take things one day at a time.
No where is this more prevalent, than in my swimming career. I take swimming one practice at a time, because the thought of swimming non-stop for the next 4 months is more than I can handle. I literally think about swimming one practice at a time. I just focus all my energy on getting through the one practice, and everything ends up being fine. I can handle one hard practice at a time. I can't handle 4 months of hard practice at a time.
I think I only came to this state of nirvana about swimming because of how upset I was last year. There were long periods of time where I seriously considered not swimming at all, and I think somehow this has allowed me to take the pressure off. Honestly, I don't feel pumped and revved up like I used to about swimming all the other years. But on the same token, I don't feel pressured and stressed about it the way I used to. I used to put all of these unnecessary expectations and pressures on myself regarding swimming. Now, while I don't feel as excited, I feel like I am swimming purely because I like it... and in my eyes that is really the only good reason to swim. I want to improve my times and get better, but mostly I just want to enjoy swimming again. I have no other ridiculous expectations. I just want to get better, enjoy swimming, and be a good member of the team. If I can do all that while maintaining my sanity, I will be very happy with my swim season.
So far, things are looking good. I can lift the most on the girls team and I am one of the fastest kickers. I have an overwhelming sense of calm about swimming, thankfully. I think this will really help me to do well and finally appreciate my swimming efforts. I think it will help me to feel gooooood about myself. My coach said that he thinks I will have a great season if I can keep my head on straight. I agree.
I have to say that I've finally realized my favorite part about swimming. For whatever reason, for me swimming has always forced me to really look inside myself and examine what I really believe about myself and others. It has really made me become a better person in so many different ways. It's more than just getting up early and swimming your ass off.. it's about figuring out why you swim. It's helped me find myself, and most importantly, swimming has and will continue to make me a better human being.
School is actually going decently. I am doing really well in my math classes. I have one chem class left for my chem minor that kind of makes me a little nervous, but overall the semester is going well. Again, I have this overwhelming feeling of calmness. Ever since I switched my major I feel so much better about things. For whatever reason, my chem classes used to make have this horrible, violently upset feeling all the time. I don't feel that way anymore, unless I have a biochem test coming up. haha. So, I feel like I have to be headed down the right path, at least to something that makes me happier.
I'm not sure if I really want to be a teacher forever, but I feel like right now it's a really good place to start. The more I think about it, the more I like it. Teaching to me seems like a fun job, and that's what I'm looking for here. It seems much more exciting and happy to me than any of the other jobs I've thought about having. Most of those other jobs I've shadowed or learned about, etc. give me that horrible, violently upset feeling. For the moment, teaching seems okay. I feel very calm about it. I feel like this has to be a good sign, because me feeling calm is a rarity. I usually get upset about everything. So, for the moment academic life is good. Thinking about the future and where I want to get a job and all is kind of scary, but at the same time really exciting. But, again this is really far in the future, like 2 years. So, I am trying to focus on today, but still be excited about what the future may or may not hold.
Sometimes I think that is a bad thing, other times I think it is a good thing.
I feel like, for whatever reason, since time seems to be passing so slow, I am living more in the present...And that is definitely always a good thing.
I've been trying really hard not to look too far into the future and just take things one day at a time.
No where is this more prevalent, than in my swimming career. I take swimming one practice at a time, because the thought of swimming non-stop for the next 4 months is more than I can handle. I literally think about swimming one practice at a time. I just focus all my energy on getting through the one practice, and everything ends up being fine. I can handle one hard practice at a time. I can't handle 4 months of hard practice at a time.
I think I only came to this state of nirvana about swimming because of how upset I was last year. There were long periods of time where I seriously considered not swimming at all, and I think somehow this has allowed me to take the pressure off. Honestly, I don't feel pumped and revved up like I used to about swimming all the other years. But on the same token, I don't feel pressured and stressed about it the way I used to. I used to put all of these unnecessary expectations and pressures on myself regarding swimming. Now, while I don't feel as excited, I feel like I am swimming purely because I like it... and in my eyes that is really the only good reason to swim. I want to improve my times and get better, but mostly I just want to enjoy swimming again. I have no other ridiculous expectations. I just want to get better, enjoy swimming, and be a good member of the team. If I can do all that while maintaining my sanity, I will be very happy with my swim season.
So far, things are looking good. I can lift the most on the girls team and I am one of the fastest kickers. I have an overwhelming sense of calm about swimming, thankfully. I think this will really help me to do well and finally appreciate my swimming efforts. I think it will help me to feel gooooood about myself. My coach said that he thinks I will have a great season if I can keep my head on straight. I agree.
I have to say that I've finally realized my favorite part about swimming. For whatever reason, for me swimming has always forced me to really look inside myself and examine what I really believe about myself and others. It has really made me become a better person in so many different ways. It's more than just getting up early and swimming your ass off.. it's about figuring out why you swim. It's helped me find myself, and most importantly, swimming has and will continue to make me a better human being.
School is actually going decently. I am doing really well in my math classes. I have one chem class left for my chem minor that kind of makes me a little nervous, but overall the semester is going well. Again, I have this overwhelming feeling of calmness. Ever since I switched my major I feel so much better about things. For whatever reason, my chem classes used to make have this horrible, violently upset feeling all the time. I don't feel that way anymore, unless I have a biochem test coming up. haha. So, I feel like I have to be headed down the right path, at least to something that makes me happier.
I'm not sure if I really want to be a teacher forever, but I feel like right now it's a really good place to start. The more I think about it, the more I like it. Teaching to me seems like a fun job, and that's what I'm looking for here. It seems much more exciting and happy to me than any of the other jobs I've thought about having. Most of those other jobs I've shadowed or learned about, etc. give me that horrible, violently upset feeling. For the moment, teaching seems okay. I feel very calm about it. I feel like this has to be a good sign, because me feeling calm is a rarity. I usually get upset about everything. So, for the moment academic life is good. Thinking about the future and where I want to get a job and all is kind of scary, but at the same time really exciting. But, again this is really far in the future, like 2 years. So, I am trying to focus on today, but still be excited about what the future may or may not hold.