stuck in my head.... the killers- all
When there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
One more son
If you can hold on
If you can hold on, hold on
I wanna stand up, I wanna let go
You know, you know - no you don't, you don't
I wanna shine on in the hearts of men
I want a meaning from the back of my broken hand
Another head aches, another heart breaks
I am so much older than I can take
And my affection, well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no
Help me out
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner
You know you got to help me out
And when there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
These changes ain't changing me
The cold-hearted boy I used to be
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner
You know you got to help me out, yeah.
You're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner
You know you got to help me out, yeah.
You're gonna bring yourself down, yeah.
You're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner
You're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down
Over and out, last call for sin
While everyone's lost, the battle is won
With all these things that I've done
All these things that I've done
If you can hold on
If you can hold on
I am tired. I always seem to get myself in relationships, friends or boyfriends, that i become just exhausted. September was a test and i am finishing it with a cold ive had for the past 2 weeks. Yes I've been happy, but i've been sad too. I was on duty last night dealing with something i needed to call for help with... lucky for me, deniz was on his way here. I mean, I approached the situation and froze. I couldnt think of anything i learned so i was so happy to see him get here and see it unfold and someone who had experience to show me what to do. Anyway, it all worked out and i prevented something, excellent.
We had a time management session today for training and it was huggeeeellyyy useful. I have a planner. I use it.... sometimes. I realized that I have so much added stress that could be prevented if i carried myself and my work a little better. Its not about stopping the procrastinating, its about bucking up and just doinnngggg it. I will write it down in my planner, no doubt about that, but i dont actually look at it. I am going to really force myself this month to just do it. It's the only thing i can do... the only skill i really have that will make it all easier for me.
I guess whats really on my mind is the usual... I really like victor, he's a fantastic person. I went to the dome with him and a some of our buddies and it was all great, really was. I ruined it by being drunk and coming home at 4am and calling him. I poured my heart out. It was good but i woke up the next morning with that much more of a hangover i think. Nothing changed between us after i said everything on my mind, but i came to the realization that this wasnt what i was looking for. In each relationship i start, the seemingly get better and better, but by the end of it, i know its not for me. So frustrating. It time, I start it out, happier, excited, feeling sooo good, and it all comes crashing down. The worst part? I blame myself for it not working. I blame myself for that person not being interested or not sharing the same interests that i do. I guess just saying that is step one. I still like him and i still care about him, but its not going to work. i HAVE to move on. ITS OVER.
See? Just saying that is tugging on my heart a bit. I am literally sitting here beating myself up, feeling like ive wasted my time. I dont know what i want. I dont even want a relationship. Not even with him... I just want to be in something where theres a sense of mutally caring for one another.
On the surface, I cant believe Im even complaining about this, because even without us actually dating, I have met so many incredible people through him. His friends are just so kind and accepting. I remember coming back from his place the other night and just being in awe of how cool it was that we all did nothing but had such a good time doing it.
Im really exhausted. The lyrics should be played at my funeral. Maybe its a bad thing that its the song i cant stop singing...
So for tonight:
Im going to bed early. Im going to read. Im going to do outlines for all of my papers. Im going to have my door locked... I dont want to see anyone tonight.
Is there room for one more son
One more son
If you can hold on
If you can hold on, hold on
I wanna stand up, I wanna let go
You know, you know - no you don't, you don't
I wanna shine on in the hearts of men
I want a meaning from the back of my broken hand
Another head aches, another heart breaks
I am so much older than I can take
And my affection, well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no
Help me out
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner
You know you got to help me out
And when there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
These changes ain't changing me
The cold-hearted boy I used to be
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner
You know you got to help me out, yeah.
You're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner
You know you got to help me out, yeah.
You're gonna bring yourself down, yeah.
You're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner
You're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down
Over and out, last call for sin
While everyone's lost, the battle is won
With all these things that I've done
All these things that I've done
If you can hold on
If you can hold on
I am tired. I always seem to get myself in relationships, friends or boyfriends, that i become just exhausted. September was a test and i am finishing it with a cold ive had for the past 2 weeks. Yes I've been happy, but i've been sad too. I was on duty last night dealing with something i needed to call for help with... lucky for me, deniz was on his way here. I mean, I approached the situation and froze. I couldnt think of anything i learned so i was so happy to see him get here and see it unfold and someone who had experience to show me what to do. Anyway, it all worked out and i prevented something, excellent.
We had a time management session today for training and it was huggeeeellyyy useful. I have a planner. I use it.... sometimes. I realized that I have so much added stress that could be prevented if i carried myself and my work a little better. Its not about stopping the procrastinating, its about bucking up and just doinnngggg it. I will write it down in my planner, no doubt about that, but i dont actually look at it. I am going to really force myself this month to just do it. It's the only thing i can do... the only skill i really have that will make it all easier for me.
I guess whats really on my mind is the usual... I really like victor, he's a fantastic person. I went to the dome with him and a some of our buddies and it was all great, really was. I ruined it by being drunk and coming home at 4am and calling him. I poured my heart out. It was good but i woke up the next morning with that much more of a hangover i think. Nothing changed between us after i said everything on my mind, but i came to the realization that this wasnt what i was looking for. In each relationship i start, the seemingly get better and better, but by the end of it, i know its not for me. So frustrating. It time, I start it out, happier, excited, feeling sooo good, and it all comes crashing down. The worst part? I blame myself for it not working. I blame myself for that person not being interested or not sharing the same interests that i do. I guess just saying that is step one. I still like him and i still care about him, but its not going to work. i HAVE to move on. ITS OVER.
See? Just saying that is tugging on my heart a bit. I am literally sitting here beating myself up, feeling like ive wasted my time. I dont know what i want. I dont even want a relationship. Not even with him... I just want to be in something where theres a sense of mutally caring for one another.
On the surface, I cant believe Im even complaining about this, because even without us actually dating, I have met so many incredible people through him. His friends are just so kind and accepting. I remember coming back from his place the other night and just being in awe of how cool it was that we all did nothing but had such a good time doing it.
Im really exhausted. The lyrics should be played at my funeral. Maybe its a bad thing that its the song i cant stop singing...
So for tonight:
Im going to bed early. Im going to read. Im going to do outlines for all of my papers. Im going to have my door locked... I dont want to see anyone tonight.