(no subject)
wow! how about not updating for a long time! Im good at it!
I started this journal when i was a wee freshman so it has been cool to go back to my archives and see how it's all changed. I've accomplished alot in 4 years... so im patting myself on the back!
I am assuming the reason why I dont update is because i havent felt a need to just write. After Lorin died i was a constant mind of expression... I would use my journal to word together thoughts in my head. It almost makes sense that 6 years later, I have progressively healed from Lorin's death through travel, meeting people, speaking, and service. I have morphed into something I am finally content with.
It has been refreshing to be home. From the moment i got a breath of Maine air, it's been totally optimistic. I was so ill my first week home... perhaps just the fatigue of 8 long months with no recoup. The constant battles with a roomate, an icky ex boyfriend, studying/procrastinating, and my ailing grandmother have truly added up to alot of confusion all in my 8 months at SMU. I love Canada and Im so happy I'm there. I'm looking forward to opportunities and the future, but in the mean time, I am even more relieved at the people i am surrounding myself with.
I am picturing last april-- I was stressed and anxious and eventually became sick. I have been spending a lot of time with Shamus, Julia, Rizzo, Syd, Justin, and Elliot-- which is funny because we all work together for the most part. The positie vibes have been what ive needed and we're all beer fans. Shamie has been brewing his own and Justin has a party every weekend. Speaking of Justin, I think I am feeling what is a "proper" relationship, if i can call it that. I get text messeges every morning before i go to work and he even makes me dinner-- the best date ever: spaghettios and the might ducks. I'm not falling for him, im just having fun, and enjoying just caring for someone who respects and cares for me. I'm learning the value and defining what i want and everything is getting clearer. I was just one big complication before, haha.
I bought a gorgeous cosmetic bag from Cole Haan (yeeeaaahh for my discount!) for emily lollar. I thought it would be a perfect birthday/ good luck gift for next year. I'm excited for her but i wish she'd come back to the maritimes. I also splurged and bought 3 pairs of Lucky Jeans which i got a super deal on. It's THE BEST feeling to find a pair of jeans that FIT. Since the fit, I didnt care what the cost.... and my poor little bank account is feeling it!
Uncle Tom was diagnosed with cancer last week. I'm reeling. We all are. The phone call came from cousin Brett on friday morning... it was hard to hear. Finally, my grandmother hits remission and then her son is diagnosed. I'm aching but it's almost formiliar. The thought of any more pain is something unfathomed for me at this point. I remember telling brett-- an image burned into my mind-- sitting on my deck in the hot son and just telling him 'I love you sweetheart... and anything you need...'
I started this journal when i was a wee freshman so it has been cool to go back to my archives and see how it's all changed. I've accomplished alot in 4 years... so im patting myself on the back!
I am assuming the reason why I dont update is because i havent felt a need to just write. After Lorin died i was a constant mind of expression... I would use my journal to word together thoughts in my head. It almost makes sense that 6 years later, I have progressively healed from Lorin's death through travel, meeting people, speaking, and service. I have morphed into something I am finally content with.
It has been refreshing to be home. From the moment i got a breath of Maine air, it's been totally optimistic. I was so ill my first week home... perhaps just the fatigue of 8 long months with no recoup. The constant battles with a roomate, an icky ex boyfriend, studying/procrastinating, and my ailing grandmother have truly added up to alot of confusion all in my 8 months at SMU. I love Canada and Im so happy I'm there. I'm looking forward to opportunities and the future, but in the mean time, I am even more relieved at the people i am surrounding myself with.
I am picturing last april-- I was stressed and anxious and eventually became sick. I have been spending a lot of time with Shamus, Julia, Rizzo, Syd, Justin, and Elliot-- which is funny because we all work together for the most part. The positie vibes have been what ive needed and we're all beer fans. Shamie has been brewing his own and Justin has a party every weekend. Speaking of Justin, I think I am feeling what is a "proper" relationship, if i can call it that. I get text messeges every morning before i go to work and he even makes me dinner-- the best date ever: spaghettios and the might ducks. I'm not falling for him, im just having fun, and enjoying just caring for someone who respects and cares for me. I'm learning the value and defining what i want and everything is getting clearer. I was just one big complication before, haha.
I bought a gorgeous cosmetic bag from Cole Haan (yeeeaaahh for my discount!) for emily lollar. I thought it would be a perfect birthday/ good luck gift for next year. I'm excited for her but i wish she'd come back to the maritimes. I also splurged and bought 3 pairs of Lucky Jeans which i got a super deal on. It's THE BEST feeling to find a pair of jeans that FIT. Since the fit, I didnt care what the cost.... and my poor little bank account is feeling it!
Uncle Tom was diagnosed with cancer last week. I'm reeling. We all are. The phone call came from cousin Brett on friday morning... it was hard to hear. Finally, my grandmother hits remission and then her son is diagnosed. I'm aching but it's almost formiliar. The thought of any more pain is something unfathomed for me at this point. I remember telling brett-- an image burned into my mind-- sitting on my deck in the hot son and just telling him 'I love you sweetheart... and anything you need...'