(no subject)
Worked a big show yesterday; 18 hours. Never took a break, not even to eat (I hardly ate). Had a couple of awkward encounters today. It's either because I am in fact dumb or my mind doesn't function the same when I upset my sleep schedule. I despise feeling dumb for not knowing something, especially when it's beyond the realm of what I deem reasonable. By this I mean football. I posit that 40% of the attendees of tonight's game could educate you in low level to moderately advanced theory on the subject. This being said, some guys turned around and said to me that they were having a quarterback quandary. I said why is that and long story short in an effort to understand what in the hell they were talking about, I made things very awkward. Turns out Burton (our second string quarterback) had been in for several plays and had scored a couple touchdowns, however I was so zoned out that 1) I didn't know our second stringers name was Burton, I believe his number is 11 but I never knew his name and 2) I didn't notice that he had been playing for a while.
I try very hard to prove myself and do not enjoy looking like a fool, so when there is something that I know I should understand but can not comprehend it is very frustrating. I want to cure cancer, run a sub four minute mile, or start a fortune 500 company when things like that happen. I know that I shouldn't be stupid, but I know that I am. This is the paradigm shift caused by UF. I would really like to do something academic and be better at it than my peers so I can feel smart again. Exclusivity and preeminence are very important to me and had been easy to maintain when I was younger. In elementary school I did not realize that I was the smart kid until someone told me, then in junior high I met a larger group of smart people and we all became friends, and then in high school the group congealed in IB. But then in college drunk dumb fucks started scoring higher than me on tests. At first I thought it was because they were simply doing better, it wasn't until much later that I learned most of them had access to previous tests and that questions were often repeated. However, the point still stands as there were a lot of people at college who were smarter than me, and there were a lot of people willing to work harder than me. I am applying for the architectural acoustics program at UF and while it does not have the status of the RPI program it's sole arbiter seems to glean a great deal of praise from the professional community as well as have close relationships with people I hold in high regard. The program also seems like a topic that I could become very engaged in and subsequently work my ass off studying. My hope is that through many hours of work I can actually make something of myself. I'm often fairly good at things but seldom the best. I would like to establish a criteria and then beat the snot out of everyone at architectural acoustics to become the number one acoustician, rendering hearing loss extinct by rebuilding a world that sounds a little better. I'm ready to get to work.
Also, the show was pretty cool, first arena show lots of haze cool lighting effects, pretty pleased with my performance. Also, I got another path for more work, so now i've got something to pass the time.
I try very hard to prove myself and do not enjoy looking like a fool, so when there is something that I know I should understand but can not comprehend it is very frustrating. I want to cure cancer, run a sub four minute mile, or start a fortune 500 company when things like that happen. I know that I shouldn't be stupid, but I know that I am. This is the paradigm shift caused by UF. I would really like to do something academic and be better at it than my peers so I can feel smart again. Exclusivity and preeminence are very important to me and had been easy to maintain when I was younger. In elementary school I did not realize that I was the smart kid until someone told me, then in junior high I met a larger group of smart people and we all became friends, and then in high school the group congealed in IB. But then in college drunk dumb fucks started scoring higher than me on tests. At first I thought it was because they were simply doing better, it wasn't until much later that I learned most of them had access to previous tests and that questions were often repeated. However, the point still stands as there were a lot of people at college who were smarter than me, and there were a lot of people willing to work harder than me. I am applying for the architectural acoustics program at UF and while it does not have the status of the RPI program it's sole arbiter seems to glean a great deal of praise from the professional community as well as have close relationships with people I hold in high regard. The program also seems like a topic that I could become very engaged in and subsequently work my ass off studying. My hope is that through many hours of work I can actually make something of myself. I'm often fairly good at things but seldom the best. I would like to establish a criteria and then beat the snot out of everyone at architectural acoustics to become the number one acoustician, rendering hearing loss extinct by rebuilding a world that sounds a little better. I'm ready to get to work.
Also, the show was pretty cool, first arena show lots of haze cool lighting effects, pretty pleased with my performance. Also, I got another path for more work, so now i've got something to pass the time.