ring the alarm.
okay. so i finally have time for a little update. actually, i kinda forgot about this thing for a second...but i suddenly had the urge to write just now.
things have been so chaotic and hectic...but to be honest, i feel like it's the first time in a long time that i feel actually happy. er, well, getting there, anyway. working two jobs and school have been keeping me busy, to say the least...but it's a good kind of busy. i've always been one to drive myself to the extreme. i'm never happy just doing something half way. and my life right now is no different. i'd rather be crazy busy doing stuff to push myself, than to be moving at a slower pace and have more time on my hands. i suppose it gives me a sense of purpose. like i'm working on something. what that something is, i've yet to find out.
staying so busy also keeps me occupied enough to where i don't think about shit as much. okay...that's a lie. let me re-phrase that. i still think about her constantly. but...it's different now. and i can't explain why. i can't say "out of sight, out of mind" cos the reality of it is that no matter what, she's always still on my mind. but i've only been working a couple of days a week at BJs and for the past month or so i think i can count on one hand how many times i've seen her. that's not to say that we still don't keep in touch. in fact, i feel like we've been communicating more over the past week than we have in months. it's just...i don't know. when she's not there, i feel like i can separate her from the rest of my life. like, when i was working so much at BJs, i felt like she was completely attached to my life in every aspect cos i was seeing her so much. now, even though i think about her all the time, i feel like i can separate my life, and her. like, all that drama and emotion is just one part that is over...there. while i'm over here...doing my thing. it's still there, but there and here are two different places.
...that probably makes sense to no one but me. but whatever. i get it.
the point is...i feel like the worst of everything is over. when you hit rock bottom, there's nowhere to go but up. and i feel like i've started my journey back to normalcy. i hate the word normal...let's just say back to stability. hah.
but i'm not going to lie to myself. i miss her so much that it hurts sometimes.
things have been so chaotic and hectic...but to be honest, i feel like it's the first time in a long time that i feel actually happy. er, well, getting there, anyway. working two jobs and school have been keeping me busy, to say the least...but it's a good kind of busy. i've always been one to drive myself to the extreme. i'm never happy just doing something half way. and my life right now is no different. i'd rather be crazy busy doing stuff to push myself, than to be moving at a slower pace and have more time on my hands. i suppose it gives me a sense of purpose. like i'm working on something. what that something is, i've yet to find out.
staying so busy also keeps me occupied enough to where i don't think about shit as much. okay...that's a lie. let me re-phrase that. i still think about her constantly. but...it's different now. and i can't explain why. i can't say "out of sight, out of mind" cos the reality of it is that no matter what, she's always still on my mind. but i've only been working a couple of days a week at BJs and for the past month or so i think i can count on one hand how many times i've seen her. that's not to say that we still don't keep in touch. in fact, i feel like we've been communicating more over the past week than we have in months. it's just...i don't know. when she's not there, i feel like i can separate her from the rest of my life. like, when i was working so much at BJs, i felt like she was completely attached to my life in every aspect cos i was seeing her so much. now, even though i think about her all the time, i feel like i can separate my life, and her. like, all that drama and emotion is just one part that is over...there. while i'm over here...doing my thing. it's still there, but there and here are two different places.
...that probably makes sense to no one but me. but whatever. i get it.
the point is...i feel like the worst of everything is over. when you hit rock bottom, there's nowhere to go but up. and i feel like i've started my journey back to normalcy. i hate the word normal...let's just say back to stability. hah.
but i'm not going to lie to myself. i miss her so much that it hurts sometimes.