tiny beacons.
with all that's been going on in my life lately, you start to lose faith in things. you get to a point where you stop believing that things with ever get "better". you wonder if things are ever gonna level out and be "normal." you start to wonder why you should even bother getting up in the morning cos everything is just going to be a constant struggle anyway.
...then something comes along. and yr faith, while it's not magically restored completly, starts to shine slightly again. and it's always at the most random time. and it makes you believe that, yes, there is a higher power somewhere out there...and yes, they are looking down on you.
my tiny beacon came today in the most random of places. the bathroom wall of a cafe in SOMA. sounds gross, right? let me explain.
i went into the bathroom cos i had to pee really bad due to all the coffee i drank. as i'm sitting there, i look at the walls and see that they are all graffited. mostly band names and random lines of prose. damn the man, etc, etc. i look at the wall straight ahead of me and i see, written there on the wall...
"just do your best and don't worry..."
and while this doesn't seem very inspirational to anyone but myself, i had to smile. a big smile. they were just simple words, but, given all of the stuff i've been going thru, they were a comfort to me.
the right words, at the right time. isn't that what we're all searching for?
and i spent the rest of my night contemplating things and whatnot. trying mentally to make heads or tails of the past week or so. trying to un-twist my brain. i didn't come up with any solutions. no quick fixes. no light bulb moments. but i did realize something...things could be a lot worse. i mean, no one is dead/dying. i didn't lose a limb. i didn't go bankrupt. and in the grand scheme of life...it's not like any of this even matters.
i just wish things were the way they were before all the bullshit. but that's just me...i'm a capricorn who always longs for the past. i'm way too sentimental for my own good. i always find myself reminiscing about the past. friends i've had. my childhood. awesome memories that i'll cherish forever. sometimes i think i live too much in the past. like, i spend so much time thinking about how things were that i miss the things that are happening now. but isn't that how it always is? hindsight is always 20-20.
i guess i realized that what makes me the saddest isn't that i "lost" or that i was "rejected" or whatever else people call it. it's that i feel like i lost a really good friend.
...then something comes along. and yr faith, while it's not magically restored completly, starts to shine slightly again. and it's always at the most random time. and it makes you believe that, yes, there is a higher power somewhere out there...and yes, they are looking down on you.
my tiny beacon came today in the most random of places. the bathroom wall of a cafe in SOMA. sounds gross, right? let me explain.
i went into the bathroom cos i had to pee really bad due to all the coffee i drank. as i'm sitting there, i look at the walls and see that they are all graffited. mostly band names and random lines of prose. damn the man, etc, etc. i look at the wall straight ahead of me and i see, written there on the wall...
"just do your best and don't worry..."
and while this doesn't seem very inspirational to anyone but myself, i had to smile. a big smile. they were just simple words, but, given all of the stuff i've been going thru, they were a comfort to me.
the right words, at the right time. isn't that what we're all searching for?
and i spent the rest of my night contemplating things and whatnot. trying mentally to make heads or tails of the past week or so. trying to un-twist my brain. i didn't come up with any solutions. no quick fixes. no light bulb moments. but i did realize something...things could be a lot worse. i mean, no one is dead/dying. i didn't lose a limb. i didn't go bankrupt. and in the grand scheme of life...it's not like any of this even matters.
i just wish things were the way they were before all the bullshit. but that's just me...i'm a capricorn who always longs for the past. i'm way too sentimental for my own good. i always find myself reminiscing about the past. friends i've had. my childhood. awesome memories that i'll cherish forever. sometimes i think i live too much in the past. like, i spend so much time thinking about how things were that i miss the things that are happening now. but isn't that how it always is? hindsight is always 20-20.
i guess i realized that what makes me the saddest isn't that i "lost" or that i was "rejected" or whatever else people call it. it's that i feel like i lost a really good friend.