(no subject)

Jul 31, 2007 12:10

Wide Screen

The orange danish rolls are taking too long to cook. I put them in over twelve minutes ago and they still have a white, doughy look to them. The past four minutes I've set the microwave timer for first two minutes, then one minute, then a minute thirty seconds. Every time I waited in the kitchen for thirty seconds before wondering if I had enough time to run to my room and type something or roll a cigarette and I never did; getting to my door just in time to turn back and turn off the goddamn timer.
My brother lost his wallet on Hight Street this morning. A brandnew wallet that his girlfriend bought him with everything that is important inside it. I looked for this wallet for awhile and it was no where inside or near the house. For some reason, a huge wave of guilt washed over me for not finding this lost wallet. It's such a terrible thing to have happen and if I only found it like I said it would, the wrongs would be righted. The world is always taking the most obnoxious things to replace from you. God damn mother fuckers.
Everything is fine. Things wil be okay. I just want everything to die, that's all. I just want to scream and hit something, you know? Things will be okay. It always is. In weeks things are forgotten, replaced or fixed. It's just that my room is a mess and I'm on the verge of crying because I missed Dr. Phil and forgot to brew my coffee. And fuck alot of that. I want my love here and I know it's bad to lament something that will be remedied in, shock, a few weeks. But damn. But Damn! I got nothing.
Irresponsibilty is not allowed. I feel like I have to ground myself and it's miserable on plenty of different levels. Tomorrow I am going to get tested, for the first time, for STD's and HIV. I'm probably cool but still nervous. This is responsibilty. This is terrifying.
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