Too Early For Deep Thought
Everybody feels that they are always busy and never have any time for theirselves. Where this may be true for others, it falls pretty astray from my life. I have all kinds of spare time throughout the day, just placed in akward hours. I have most of my "alone time" when I come in from work late at night, and when I'm lying in bed. I spend that time just sitting, and thinking.
This morning I woke up listening to some easy music, pleasant on the ears. Then a slightly faster song comes on the radio. I imagine myself playing the drums. I know that I could never do that, I lack the proper reflexes and rhythm. Then I thought back to the early years of middle school, when I started band. What if I had not chosen to play trumpet, what if I were to have played drums?
Such a slight change of mind would effect my current state dramatically. I would probably not have hooked up with my 2 previous girlfriends. I would not have the same good friends that band has given me through my section. Then I started thinking about how band in general would be different. There wouldve been more parties I would have attended, but these are the drinking parties that I do not prefer. I honestly think I would be a completely different person. Such things shouldn't bother me, but it is always something just to sit and think.
Then I started thinking about all of the church trips we have taken. I always try to pick one special person every year, someone I feel has life a little tougher than others, and try to make them have a wonderful time. All of these people now are starting to grow up. Growing up is always kinda sad. I always wonder how each year will surpass the previous, but each trip is always better than the last. I worry a lot for these people that go on the trip. Maybe worry isn't a good word, but I think about them with a lot of heart.
I am a little selfish in a way toward them. What if one of the young girls were to get a boyfriend and he was to attend the trip. That is great that someone new is coming on a church trip :) But a lot of times, this is the first trip they have spent so much time around each other, and tension begins to build. If one of them were to have a bad trip, the other may not enjoy it as well. Then I don't have any one person to ensure a good trip, not if they bring the tension with them. Maybe thats mean of me in a way. This is all situational talk anyways, it has never happened. Without those people for me to run around with, I am very lonely on these trips... very lonely.
Our annual youth retreat is scheduled for April 8-10 this year. I suppose I'll lead a small group again as i have the past 2 years. There is always something special about these trips. Spiritual cleansing, taken away from the distractions and garbage that life gives you, and take a clean and open mind back home. Good ol Scott and Pj, our youth group leaders. I have so much respect for them. They have helped so many people out by organizing these trips.
Do you remember when you first became interrested in music? That one time of your life when you and your friends first starting doing fun things that are memorable? That time for me is middle school. That adolescence in life that you love to hate, but so many memorable things happened that you have no choice but enjoy. One of those songs just came on the radio, the kind of song that just takes you back for a minute, to remember exactly what it was like. Buffalo Middle School dance, in the huge gym, nobody was dancing, just getting out of class. Shin length blue jean shorts just came in, along with flowery hawaiian shirts and sandles. This song came on the speakers, requested for Mitchel Gibson. Good ol Mitchel. So many firsts happened in middle school. Thinking about it just kinda gives me that feeling, you cant really describe it, the kind of feeling when you hear a song you really like.