OK, here we go...benovolentchildFebruary 16 2004, 22:18:01 UTC
Since we were never that good of friends and we really don't see each other anymore, I feel incredibly weird about writing this, but I always respected you for being an incredibly down-to-earth, delightful individual who seemed refreshingly comfortable in her skin so here goes my two cents...
I just had to do the same thing and I live with him. He was/is the love of my life, but we've been together on/off since I was 17. It finally dawned on me that I had never been able to be an adult without him and that was frightening. I love him and in all honesty he's probably the greatest guy I've ever known, which is why he's my best friend. My friend made me an offer I couldn't refuse(to move to London with her to pursue our graduate degrees overseas) and I just knew that this was something 1)I couldn't pass up and 2) something I needed to do alone....an experience all my own. About a month and a half ago, I told him that buy October he needed to be financially secure so as to be able to go off on his own because I needed to do what I needed to do. He's very hurt, trying to be understanding(as in he doesn't want to hold me back), but it regularly turns into me crying because I feel so guilty about hurting the person for whom I truly care most.
With all of that said, Ashley, I understand(on one lever or another) and hope for you that you stay strong and believe in the path you have chosen for yourself. It's alright to feel guilty and it's alright to not know if you've made the right decision(these are things that plague me, daily), but always keep in mind(please don't laugh at the new-agey sentiment) that there are strange cosmic forces at work that will push you and your will in the right direction, one way or another. In other words, keep the faith, dear, and good luck with all you are doing.
Now back to work on the paper that is due in eight frigging hours
Re: OK, here we go...fun_with_tapeFebruary 17 2004, 09:30:01 UTC
You know what? I can honestly say that I really respect your opinion and there are very few people I say that about. I feel like such a heel for hurting him but the truth of the matter is that I need to be me, for just once in my life. I have been with sommeone since I was 14 jumping from boyfriend to boyfriend and before I become an "adult" I need to figure out what I really want and not just want is comfortable and nice.
I just had to do the same thing and I live with him. He was/is the love of my life, but we've been together on/off since I was 17. It finally dawned on me that I had never been able to be an adult without him and that was frightening. I love him and in all honesty he's probably the greatest guy I've ever known, which is why he's my best friend. My friend made me an offer I couldn't refuse(to move to London with her to pursue our graduate degrees overseas) and I just knew that this was something 1)I couldn't pass up and 2) something I needed to do alone....an experience all my own. About a month and a half ago, I told him that buy October he needed to be financially secure so as to be able to go off on his own because I needed to do what I needed to do. He's very hurt, trying to be understanding(as in he doesn't want to hold me back), but it regularly turns into me crying because I feel so guilty about hurting the person for whom I truly care most.
With all of that said, Ashley, I understand(on one lever or another) and hope for you that you stay strong and believe in the path you have chosen for yourself. It's alright to feel guilty and it's alright to not know if you've made the right decision(these are things that plague me, daily), but always keep in mind(please don't laugh at the new-agey sentiment) that there are strange cosmic forces at work that will push you and your will in the right direction, one way or another. In other words, keep the faith, dear, and good luck with all you are doing.
Now back to work on the paper that is due in eight frigging hours
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