It's not the last time.....I've lost the best part.
This is my big all encompassing post for what has been going on since my previous post.
Things at work have gotten mildly better. Granted, I've been sick for a while, so work isn't a happy place for me. Brandi is supposed to be leaving soon, so my dad will be needing to hire someone new. Honestly, I am hoping that it is G-Red. The previous two times my dad had to hire someone new, they have been terrible. One girl was a MAJOR bitch, and she accused me of stealing money and cigarettes. The guy assumed that because he was older than me that he was superior to me (which isn't the case, since I am the manager and he was just a clerk). He always tried to boss me around. He was a bitch as well. And I don't want to have to put up with that kind of shit again.
Speaking of my father, he won't be coming back for another two weeks. Does he not realize that the store is going to fall apart? Not to mention Jamie. She's already freaking out damn near every day. Of course, Khalaf bitching at her is no help (he's such a prick). That means my father is getting well over a month off. So I don't want to hear him bitching about not being rested for a long time. He wouldn't give anyone else a month off (granted, no one else can afford it).
When he gets back, I am hoping to convince him to help me get a new car. I believe it is time. Four years of going through four shitty cars, it's time to get a car that will last longer than a year without any major problems. I am sick of getting a new car just when I get used to the one I have. And I love my Dodge, but, let's face it: American made cars are crap. And my Dodge is crap. It runs, just not well. And now it is having trouble accelerating, like a bitch. So, hopefully, I can get a new car when he gets back. And I want to fix the acceleration problem with my Dodge, and sell that to my mom. That way I don't have to chauffuer her around anymore, and I'll actually be able to start college.
Starting college is something that I really want to do. However, I am really apprehensive about college. I just don't know if I am the type of person who can go to college without....I don't know....getting in over my head. That's what I feel I'd be doing...getting in over my head. But I can't stay a convenience store clerk my entire life. That's super gay.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that I will never meet another guy quite like Nick. Nick was totally my hatsukoi (first love). I don't know if he knows that. And there is no way I could tell him. But he was. He was the first person that I had ever truly felt that way about. And the distance was a major MAJOR problem. In fact, it was the only problem we had. And I will probably never meet another guy that is as beautiful as Nick, but also made me feel so comfortable. I still to this day don't know what he ever saw in me.
And, again, I am bored with my hair. I get bored with my hair a lot. I straightened the bangs out today. But, of course, it still looked stupid.
Why do I get bored with my image so frequently? Why is it that I always feel like I have to change every little thing about me? I know that I have a terrible self image, and no matter what anyone says, I always feel ugly and stupid and out of place with everything. That's why I spend so much time wrapped in my DVDs and my privacy. And I constantly try to reinvent myself in an attempt to make myself feel beautiful. But there is always something that kicks any feelings of beauty I have right in the nuts. And until I can learn to love myself, and feel beautiful as I am, I'll never have boyfriends, or an extended group of friends, or self respect. But that's just not something you can wake up one morning and have.
I want to succeed at something once in my life, aside from making other people feel bad. I think such a success would be a well needed boost to my personal esteem.
I'm still sick. I thought that I would be able to get through the strep throat without going to the doctor. And it seemed like I had. But my throat is swelling up and hurting again. Fucking illness. All the more reason to believe that there is no God (if there were, why would he make humans so susceptible to disease and illness). But, then again, I am just a bitter, jaded faggot. What do I know?
I think I need gay male friends. I also need to find some new music. I am getting bored with the music I've been listening to.
Apathy is my curse. I need a cure.
Things at work have gotten mildly better. Granted, I've been sick for a while, so work isn't a happy place for me. Brandi is supposed to be leaving soon, so my dad will be needing to hire someone new. Honestly, I am hoping that it is G-Red. The previous two times my dad had to hire someone new, they have been terrible. One girl was a MAJOR bitch, and she accused me of stealing money and cigarettes. The guy assumed that because he was older than me that he was superior to me (which isn't the case, since I am the manager and he was just a clerk). He always tried to boss me around. He was a bitch as well. And I don't want to have to put up with that kind of shit again.
Speaking of my father, he won't be coming back for another two weeks. Does he not realize that the store is going to fall apart? Not to mention Jamie. She's already freaking out damn near every day. Of course, Khalaf bitching at her is no help (he's such a prick). That means my father is getting well over a month off. So I don't want to hear him bitching about not being rested for a long time. He wouldn't give anyone else a month off (granted, no one else can afford it).
When he gets back, I am hoping to convince him to help me get a new car. I believe it is time. Four years of going through four shitty cars, it's time to get a car that will last longer than a year without any major problems. I am sick of getting a new car just when I get used to the one I have. And I love my Dodge, but, let's face it: American made cars are crap. And my Dodge is crap. It runs, just not well. And now it is having trouble accelerating, like a bitch. So, hopefully, I can get a new car when he gets back. And I want to fix the acceleration problem with my Dodge, and sell that to my mom. That way I don't have to chauffuer her around anymore, and I'll actually be able to start college.
Starting college is something that I really want to do. However, I am really apprehensive about college. I just don't know if I am the type of person who can go to college without....I don't know....getting in over my head. That's what I feel I'd be doing...getting in over my head. But I can't stay a convenience store clerk my entire life. That's super gay.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that I will never meet another guy quite like Nick. Nick was totally my hatsukoi (first love). I don't know if he knows that. And there is no way I could tell him. But he was. He was the first person that I had ever truly felt that way about. And the distance was a major MAJOR problem. In fact, it was the only problem we had. And I will probably never meet another guy that is as beautiful as Nick, but also made me feel so comfortable. I still to this day don't know what he ever saw in me.
And, again, I am bored with my hair. I get bored with my hair a lot. I straightened the bangs out today. But, of course, it still looked stupid.
Why do I get bored with my image so frequently? Why is it that I always feel like I have to change every little thing about me? I know that I have a terrible self image, and no matter what anyone says, I always feel ugly and stupid and out of place with everything. That's why I spend so much time wrapped in my DVDs and my privacy. And I constantly try to reinvent myself in an attempt to make myself feel beautiful. But there is always something that kicks any feelings of beauty I have right in the nuts. And until I can learn to love myself, and feel beautiful as I am, I'll never have boyfriends, or an extended group of friends, or self respect. But that's just not something you can wake up one morning and have.
I want to succeed at something once in my life, aside from making other people feel bad. I think such a success would be a well needed boost to my personal esteem.
I'm still sick. I thought that I would be able to get through the strep throat without going to the doctor. And it seemed like I had. But my throat is swelling up and hurting again. Fucking illness. All the more reason to believe that there is no God (if there were, why would he make humans so susceptible to disease and illness). But, then again, I am just a bitter, jaded faggot. What do I know?
I think I need gay male friends. I also need to find some new music. I am getting bored with the music I've been listening to.
Apathy is my curse. I need a cure.