cutting back, down, and going out
is it actually getting easier to laugh out loud?...
because i am filling myself [my days] with fantasy and distracting myself from reality..from me.
be it fiction or not, it beats the hell out of hating myself and wallowing in misery.
...until that heart jolting slap that comes with the realization that preoccupation with dreams is noway to determine whats real and what was merely a figment of imagination.
my mind is wandering, im afraid to let it go but id hate to reign it in and keep moving backwards as i am.
i know the consequences of nonrestraint, and yet somehow, i seem content with the decision of indecision..
i am tired of being a pathetic heap of human wreckage, and perhaps its only in my mind that im moving forward, though..
my mind usually is the last place to feel forward movement, and the last place id want to be.
so perhaps this is for real, this is me going onward and up..or out. i never know which, and directions really relative anyhow.
because i am filling myself [my days] with fantasy and distracting myself from reality..from me.
be it fiction or not, it beats the hell out of hating myself and wallowing in misery.
...until that heart jolting slap that comes with the realization that preoccupation with dreams is noway to determine whats real and what was merely a figment of imagination.
my mind is wandering, im afraid to let it go but id hate to reign it in and keep moving backwards as i am.
i know the consequences of nonrestraint, and yet somehow, i seem content with the decision of indecision..
i am tired of being a pathetic heap of human wreckage, and perhaps its only in my mind that im moving forward, though..
my mind usually is the last place to feel forward movement, and the last place id want to be.
so perhaps this is for real, this is me going onward and up..or out. i never know which, and directions really relative anyhow.