(no subject)
What can I say? Ever since the Holy Spirit came upon me like white on rice, I felt relaxed and happier. Now, a darkness and sorrow comes in the horizon. This friend of mine...maybe she thinks I'm her friend. I hope she does because I think I've fallen in love. This is the wrong girl for me, I know it, I know it. I'll never deserve someone like her, so devoted to God, she is. She's much stronger than I, in faith. Why do I feel these things? If I could take my emotions, bottle them up and sink them into the depths of the blue ocean, I would. I wish I was never born with them.
3 times I betrayed you today and 3 times I betrayed God. Now, as I write this with a grieving spirit, I must recall how I came to be this way. I saw you in church many times and many times during church events. You were always worshipping God, raising your hands in praise. It comforted me to see how far the church has gone. I've taken it for granted, surely, your love for Christ cheers me. You never fail to give me hope when I see you smile. I had always ignored you and ignored you I tried. But...I saw you smiling the other day and for the first time I felt my heart melt and an envious spirit enter me. I envy you. You smile as if you are oblivious to all of the negative things in life. Are you blind to them?
Even you will smile, not knowing I betrayed you a third time. I sat here crying and saying sorry for the umpteenth time. Sometimes I feel we're separated by time and space, as if they would scheme against me. We're in different universes.
Do you know I exist?
You see me all the time. It hurts when I think about how you might feel about me. Am I just a face in the crowd? Am I just another Christian? Am I just another love-fool who came at the wrong place and at the wrong time? Am I just a mere number, a statistic?
I don't want to be that way. Yet, I do...If I could count all the black rose petals that fell in my dreams where I would play in the snow, I could fade away where the darkness is. I could take back the time when I was in love, I could. I forget sometimes that love transcends time and space. Even if I took back that time. Somehow, someway, I think...I'd end up falling for you again. I should leave, I know. As long as I don't see you. As long as I don't see that smile of yours. So much joy that I envy.
I want to go against this and try to be near you, but I can't. I guess this will go down in history as another guy who loved from the sidelines, yet again. I HATE THE SIDELINES. I'd rather have no place than that place. I feared being there too many times to just get stuck in the lousy sidelines. But that's where I am because I love you. It's not your fault though. The blame comes back to me I guess.
3 times I betrayed you today and 3 times I betrayed God. Now, as I write this with a grieving spirit, I must recall how I came to be this way. I saw you in church many times and many times during church events. You were always worshipping God, raising your hands in praise. It comforted me to see how far the church has gone. I've taken it for granted, surely, your love for Christ cheers me. You never fail to give me hope when I see you smile. I had always ignored you and ignored you I tried. But...I saw you smiling the other day and for the first time I felt my heart melt and an envious spirit enter me. I envy you. You smile as if you are oblivious to all of the negative things in life. Are you blind to them?
Even you will smile, not knowing I betrayed you a third time. I sat here crying and saying sorry for the umpteenth time. Sometimes I feel we're separated by time and space, as if they would scheme against me. We're in different universes.
Do you know I exist?
You see me all the time. It hurts when I think about how you might feel about me. Am I just a face in the crowd? Am I just another Christian? Am I just another love-fool who came at the wrong place and at the wrong time? Am I just a mere number, a statistic?
I don't want to be that way. Yet, I do...If I could count all the black rose petals that fell in my dreams where I would play in the snow, I could fade away where the darkness is. I could take back the time when I was in love, I could. I forget sometimes that love transcends time and space. Even if I took back that time. Somehow, someway, I think...I'd end up falling for you again. I should leave, I know. As long as I don't see you. As long as I don't see that smile of yours. So much joy that I envy.
I want to go against this and try to be near you, but I can't. I guess this will go down in history as another guy who loved from the sidelines, yet again. I HATE THE SIDELINES. I'd rather have no place than that place. I feared being there too many times to just get stuck in the lousy sidelines. But that's where I am because I love you. It's not your fault though. The blame comes back to me I guess.