trouble in paradise..

[fullyautomatic]

i think i tricked myself into thinking that if i said "i was happy" out loud enough times, it would actually come true.. well. i guess it didn't work.

jason and i are on a break.
as of yesterday.
we have been having problems lately.
feeling like we are more like friends, rather than boyfriend/girlfriend.
i feel like such a loser writing this in my "livejournal"
but the sad thing is, i have no one else to talk to.
jason thinks being on a break will be the best thing for us right now.
i don't know what to think.
all i know is that my heart is broken.
i've never had a broken heart before.
it hurts like a fucking bitch.
my birthday is going to suck balls now.
jason is suppose to come with me to my dad's on the 2nd for my party
guess thats not going to happen anymore.
guess we're not going out to the bar either.
he said he still would, but i think thats kinda weird.
i would rather sit at home, and not do anything.
it would hurt too much to pretend like everything is okay.
gosh, this really sucks.
i feel like my heart has been crushed into a million pieces by jason's size 12 shoe.
i've been trying to keep myself busy
so i don't think about stuff.
its not working.
i can barely function.