Guardian angels with bad teeth and perfect timing

[fullspeedbaby]

So last night I decide, for good, that I'm leaving school because I don't fit in and I'm not good academically...etc. And I talk to chantal and louise and erik and dad about it, and I make up my mind to leave

Comments

[scalarparty]

ha that's a tough one... could be there for you to listen to, or could be the other side of the whole (shiva destroyer side, as opposed to say the visnu sustainer side, for lack of better words and abundance of crapy ones like "dark side") right, like it could be that you know what to do and then they come in to disuade you... because the side of your mind/attitude that has fear and doubt and all that wants you to stay put and not evolve... but then again they could be there for you because you aren't supposed to drop out, like you say warning you.... Sorry kid, but there's only ONE who can really tell you. and you know that. And that one is inside your you-ness, so really more meditating, and peeling away the layers to get to the core of it. not me not anyone on lj not any strangers on the street, YOU are it, M, it's all in you!

But one thing i can say for sure, academics dont prove shit. and popularity (while it's absence may be felt) is just more illusion. having the time to stress out on canvass and to focus on expressing (wether its what the profs want or not) that is very rich times, i mean it sure beats working in a factory 40 hours a week (not to say that you would do that, and being on an organic farm in hawaii could be supa nice).

Do you feel that being an artist is awaste fo time or something? (personally i have battled with that a lot-- it shifts from being the most vain useless thing on the pklanet, to the most inmportant, and then back again..) Because that could be a hindrance... then again in school its all about "Artists" not artists. And the ones (I could see) you working with (and like) are maybe not the capital 'A' Artists, but who cares? you know those freaks like Tonya Kay are out there... [not to mention Alex Grey even if no professor thinks he's aiight, he is killah] making RELEVANT work all about this consciousness raising and (r)evolution ((and i think it would suck if you weren't on the team))

[scalarparty]

"it shifts from being the most vain useless thing on the pklanet, to the most inmportant, and then back again."

definately!
but for me to worry about this anymore is about as useful as worrying whether or not being a girl is a waste of time. It's jut who I am and I can't escape it. school or not, i'm an artist. I've tried not being one and it doesn't work at all. My main problem with school was that it wasn't artistic enough, but I'm gonna suck it up and keep at it. :)
thanks for your advice and kind words.

[fullspeedbaby]

clearly, that was me.
and hey. I got kicked out too! we have a lot in common.