(no subject)
we keep justifying our solitude with our busy schedules.
work becomes our life.
our life becomes wasted.
we are two stubborn souls, and we're in this secretive competition. we're competing for something we never should have tried to fight over.
we're two different people, and i don't know if i will ever be able to make you see things the way i do. you will never know my side. you will never know my position, or why you don't have the slightest reason to judge me.
and you, well i tried staying away, but the truth is, i miss you.
and i just want to be nice, and loving, and give you every reason in the world to want to see me.
why can't i be that?
why is it always me being persistent, annoying, or clingy?
i just want to be a good friend,lover,daughter,sister.
i am leaving in two weeks.
i am not scared, depressed, or nervous.
i am excited. so excited.
this is a new start, in every way, and i know that God has the very best planned for me.
and if not, well, only time will tell what i will be able to do with my life.
i am tired of work and work and work and work and work.
i do not want to go to school to learn how to work and work and work my life away until i look back and ask why i worked so much.
i want to live, and live completely.
i don't want to be a cliche.
my mind keeps changing, and maybe i want to be a trainer, but maybe i want to go to africa and fight malaria, or maybe feed the homeless 24/7, or maybe jump out of helicopters or write hallmark cards every day. I DON"T KNOW! There is so much I'd like to do, to be. So much desire to live that others may live also. i want to see joy in their faces.
i will not be another missed phone call or read message.
i will not be your second argument, or your confidante only part of the time.
i will not be the follower, or the naive child without her own dreams.
i will not always be waiting, and i will be long gone before you know it.
i will not give up on what i believe in, and it so happens i believe in you.
i will not forget, yet regrets i do have.
i will take long walks. long walks allowing me to see and smell and cry and scream at the top of my lungs.
this is where i twirl in happiness and jump off curves in frustration.
i have almost found her.
i can see that it is close. i am so close to finding her.
would you like to find her also?
work becomes our life.
our life becomes wasted.
we are two stubborn souls, and we're in this secretive competition. we're competing for something we never should have tried to fight over.
we're two different people, and i don't know if i will ever be able to make you see things the way i do. you will never know my side. you will never know my position, or why you don't have the slightest reason to judge me.
and you, well i tried staying away, but the truth is, i miss you.
and i just want to be nice, and loving, and give you every reason in the world to want to see me.
why can't i be that?
why is it always me being persistent, annoying, or clingy?
i just want to be a good friend,lover,daughter,sister.
i am leaving in two weeks.
i am not scared, depressed, or nervous.
i am excited. so excited.
this is a new start, in every way, and i know that God has the very best planned for me.
and if not, well, only time will tell what i will be able to do with my life.
i am tired of work and work and work and work and work.
i do not want to go to school to learn how to work and work and work my life away until i look back and ask why i worked so much.
i want to live, and live completely.
i don't want to be a cliche.
my mind keeps changing, and maybe i want to be a trainer, but maybe i want to go to africa and fight malaria, or maybe feed the homeless 24/7, or maybe jump out of helicopters or write hallmark cards every day. I DON"T KNOW! There is so much I'd like to do, to be. So much desire to live that others may live also. i want to see joy in their faces.
i will not be another missed phone call or read message.
i will not be your second argument, or your confidante only part of the time.
i will not be the follower, or the naive child without her own dreams.
i will not always be waiting, and i will be long gone before you know it.
i will not give up on what i believe in, and it so happens i believe in you.
i will not forget, yet regrets i do have.
i will take long walks. long walks allowing me to see and smell and cry and scream at the top of my lungs.
this is where i twirl in happiness and jump off curves in frustration.
i have almost found her.
i can see that it is close. i am so close to finding her.
would you like to find her also?