[FIC] Ways To Spend An Afterlife [ROUND TWO]
Title: Ways to Spend An Afterlife
Author: Ozalina
Characters/Pairings: Remus/Sirius, Teddy
Rating: PG13
Beta: bunchoflemons
Prompt: 36. Teddy finds some of his dad's old love letters - never sent. Albus finds some of Sirius's. Whilst reading over them and wondering how neither could have known, Remus and Sirius are trying to fix that in the afterlife.
Really, meeting in the afterlife should be full of running in slow motion through fields of corn. Maybe a bit of crying wouldn’t be too much to ask. Fluffy clouds would normally feature heavily too.
It shouldn’t be a bit of an awkward silence, in a room that looks extremely like the Shrieking Shack.
It’s a bit of a shock, to go from fighting in a crowded hall with shouts all around you, to three expectant faces staring at you. Especially when those faces look about twenty five years younger than they should be. Remus frowns, and shuts his eyes again. “Am I hallucinating?”
He’s poked in the side, and cracks one eye open. Sirius is grinning at him, entirely too close for comfort. “No, you’re dead.”
Lily pushes him. “He might not have known that!”
Maybe it’d be better to stay on the floor. There’s no point in opening his eyes and entering the afterlife with his three best friends - they’ll just spoil it all. Even if he had given up hope on ever seeing them again.
But that’s not going to happen, judging by how Sirius is shoving his ribs. “Up. Get up. Up. Up. Up.”
Remus grimaces. “If I’m dead I want to bloody well enjoy it. Bugger off.”
“Up, up, up, up, up, up, up…” Sirius always was an annoying bastard.
James leans down then, and peers at Remus over the top of his glasses. “Is it really Remus? Didn’t he have more hair?”
“Remus, up or I’ll snog you.” And that’s the most promising idea he’s heard. If he’s dead, then Sirius is an angel, even if he is wearing that collar that got them all thrown out of the Ritz, and Sirius has got to make Remus’ life better, which involves kissing and sex in Remus’ opinions.
“Do that then.”
Sirius tugs at Remus’ hand, and pouts. He looks young enough to do that now, and it’s terrifyingly reminiscent of their schooldays. “Come on, Remus. Please. We’ve got to go and see Harry.”
Remus jolts upwards then, staring wildly. Harry. Harry’s the hope of the world, the only one who can save everyone from a lifetime of Death Eater orgies and bad hairstyles. And all the death, obviously. “What’s he got to do?”
“Ah,” Lily smiles proudly. “He’s going to save the world.”
“So up, Moony. We’ve got to make sure Prongs’ sprog does his Messiah jib.” Sirius pulls on Remus’ hand, grins, and maybe it’s ok to spend a bit of the afterlife vertical.
***
Harry wonders, afterwards, exactly why Remus had been in the group in the Forest. He did like him, yes, and he was the only Defence teacher that had ever been any good. But surely… surely Remus should have been off with Tonks, watching over Teddy and playing a harp?
He dismisses it the day he finds the box, reads through it, blushes rather a lot, and then hides it away again.
***
Harry drops the stone, and he fades away into nothingness. Remus would be worried, but James is smiling with a wisdom that just looks plain petrifying - wiseness on James Potter is like innocence on Sirius. It just doesn’t work.
“We shall see him again.”
Sirius is glaring, accusingly, and has crept over to James and Lily’s side of the clearing. “You have a kid?”
James’ eyes goggle. “Merlin, yeah! That’s what Harry said! How did that happen?”
“Oo, did you see him?” Lily coos. “Our Harry, all grown up. He looked very brave. Do you think he’ll make it?”
Remus wants to scream or hide away. “Argh.” Instead his subconscious seems to be settling for a strangled gurgle.
“Who’s the mother?” Sirius glowers.
“I never thought you’d have kids… I thought Sirius might have one by mistake…”
“He had muscles, did you see? And my eyes… James’ hair, poor thing.”
“Mmrgh.” Remus twitches, and then explodes. “Yes, Sirius, I’ve had a child, little boy called Teddy who looks like you. Mother was my wife. I was married for almost a year. And yes, Lily, your son is wonderful and he’s the hope of all wizardkind. I’m proud too.” He stares into the trees. “Can I go lie back down now?”
Lily smiles sadly, and takes his hand softly. “Come on, darling. We’ll go to the village. We’ve got a little house there, and Sirius lives next door, and you’ll like it. I promise. You can have a nice cup of tea, yes?” She glares at James and Sirius. “And you can tell us all about what’s been happening. Without interruptions.”
Hopefully it’s all three of them that feel like children, and not just Remus.
Lily turns, Remus’ hand still in hers, and when he opens his eyes again he’s outside a house with roses around the door, a broomstick lying in the grass, and a bike propped up on the wall.
Five minutes later, and they’re all sat in a kitchen in the state of disarray that speaks volumes about how Lily never managed to get the hang of domestic charms, while James stayed a mental age thirteen and therefore rather destructive. The kettle finishes whistling, and Lily stands to fetch the teapot.
She places the cup down in front of him, and sits back with a massive smile. “Drink up.”
He remembers Lily’s tea. Lily’s tea is terrifying, strong enough to strip teeth of enamel at twenty paces, with enough sugar to make a spoon stand up in it. Even Dora was better at tea, and she managed to tear every single teabag that entered their house.
Oh.
Dora.
Remus feels rather guilty that he forgot about her, and the fact that she’s most probably dead.
“What…” he begins slowly, “what happens if my wife is dead?”
James shrugs. “I dunno. Lily and me just turned up together.”
Lily rolled her eyes. “Have you never read the Books?” It’s weird how the capital letter clicks into place. “Remus, it’s… basically, you won’t be able to find her. It’s one of those things… she’ll have someone there, with her, almost like us only not us. And she’ll be told what to do, and if she is meant to come here then she will.”
Sirius pokes at his tea, still sulking. “Stupid ineffable Authority figure bastard.”
“What’s her name, then?” James wrinkled up his nose, trying to push his rapidly falling glasses higher. “And did you get her knocked up before the marriage?”
He never really thought he’d have to explain the fact that he’d got married to a woman that he’d helped babysit when he came out of Hogwarts. It was a little bit… complicated. “Her name… her name was Dora, and we were together for a bit before she got pregnant. She comforted me after...” He gestures in Sirius’ general direction.
Sirius perks up a bit at that, smirking slightly. “You were that devastated?” Then his face freezes. “Dora? That’s what Ted and Andromeda… ewewewewewewew!” His face screws up, and his hands flail around. “Wrongwrongwrong!”
“What?”
“He married Tonks! Little Nymphadora!”
James frowns. “That’s a bit weird.”
Remus shakes his head. Ah, he’s missed this about his friends - the quick jumping to conclusions and almost constant judgement. “She’s grown up now, James. And she loved me - why not? She was nice. She liked me.”
“You never said you liked her,” Sirius says, glaring.
“I didn’t then!” Remus shrugs. “Doesn’t matter though, does it? It’s what she wants that matters. Hang on - why don’t I have to go find her?”
“Because.” Lily has that glint in her eye. The one that makes Remus want to cover his testicles and protect them. “It’s ineffable, and you’re staying here.”
***
“Your mum was wonderful, Teddy.” Teddy nods, blinking over the top of the cot, eyes changing to the basic grey he slept in. “She was beautiful, and kind, and friendly. There wasn’t anyone she ever met who she was mean to. She was clumsy as anything, mind, but always sorry about it. She just wanted to make everyone happy. Like your dad - oh, she loved your dad. Your father lost everything, all of his friends. Maybe I wasn’t as nice to him as I should have been… but I was afraid he was going to hurt Dora. He was a werewolf, and maybe I should have been more tolerant, but I was a Black. Anyway, your mum just wanted to make Remus happy. And I think she did, a little bit. You did, anyway. I always thought Remus was gay… he spent entirely too much time with Sirius for it to be normal. And no straight man was ever that polite.”
Teddy yawns, and Andromeda jerks in her chair. “Anyway, you’ve got to remember your mum. Now, time for your bedtime story…”
***
Remus leans on the fence, and watches the children running and playing. It’s an almost idyllic scene, until he remembers that the children must in fact be dead. And then the boy pulls the girl’s hair, and the girl screams, and then the boy shoves an earthworm down her back, and he remembers why children didn’t figure in his view when he’d imagined his future.
“I… I’m sorry.”
Sirius nudges Remus, hair hanging low and covering his eyes.
“What for?” Knowing Sirius, this could be for anything. Maybe Sirius used Remus’ nail scissors when they were eighteen in order to trim his nasal hair.
“You shouldn’t be here.” Sirius sniffles. “You should be having happy families. In either world.”
“You’re a bastard, you know that?” Sirius pouts, and turns his head to look at Remus. “You left me alone. Twice, you sodding bastard. If Dora is going to turn up, then she will. For now… I’m going to enjoy you guys. Again.”
Sirius grins, and wraps his arm around Remus’ torso. “You can come live with me, if you want. I’ve got a spare room - I mean, just until Tonks turns up.”
Remus almost relaxes completely into the embrace, until he remembers Dora. No over-the-top flirting with Sirius. That’s not allowed, not when he’s married to another person. Not even if living with a Sirius who looks twenty years old may involve seeing said Sirius in various arousing states of undress. If that happens, Remus must remember his vows and think of McGonagall in her tartan dressing gown.
Sirius seems to be content to stare out at the world, and when Remus tries to move the arm tightens around him. Instead Remus thinks about this - maybe this is right, for him. Maybe Tonks is out there, with the Remus she always wanted. The Remus who loved her completely.
If she’d been first, maybe he would’ve. But she’d had to compete with Sirius, which wasn’t really fair. He was gorgeous, after all, and charming, and with about twenty million character faults (include insensitivity, petulance and rashness). But the faults just made you want to fix him. Or at least it did Remus. And sometimes Sirius was absolutely wonderful… kind, thoughtful, and effortlessly sexy.
Tonks was nicer, certainly, and a lot more eager to please. She was Hufflepuff, after all. And everything she did was because she thought Remus would like it, as opposed to Sirius’ acting before he thought (which Remus had always thought would be quite good in a relationship way - random sex could only be good). But maybe that was a fault… Remus didn’t want a perfect wife, he wanted someone who kept him interested. And Sirius had definitely managed that for a fair few years. There had to be something to the fact that it was Sirius he saw first after dying, maybe like birds imprinting on the first thing they saw after being born.
But Sirius was never going to be his mother. He didn’t have the legs for the wrinkly stockings.
***
Remus stares at the room, and is rather concerned by how much it resembles the room he had in Sirius’ flat before the first war. “How… why is Mr Snuffles on the bedside cabinet?”
Sirius shifts nervously, and tugs at the bottom of his t-shirt. “I… you can kind of… if you want, here, you can concentrate really really hard on something and make it.” He looks up, eyes catching Remus’, and grins dangerously. “You should’ve seen it when James tried to make some… toys for him and Lily. He couldn’t concentrate right, he was in agony for days.”
Remus winces - the details of his friends’ sex lives were never really his favourite thinking material. “Thank you, Sirius. But why did you make Mr Snuffles?” He picks up the cuddly toy, and sniffs it - same smell of washing powder and day old socks which came from living with both Remus and Sirius. He’d thought Mr Snuffles was lost when the Ministry confiscated everything in Sirius’ flat.
“I just thought… if you ever died, I thought you’d want somewhere familiar to stay.” And Sirius pouts again. “Didn’t know you were going to get married. Would’ve made you your own house if I’d known.”
Remus rolls his eyes, and bounces down onto the bed. “Dora might not turn up, Sirius. Anyway, I’m surprised you haven’t been shagging half the people in the afterlife.”
“Nah. Dead chicks tend to want to tell you about their death. Or want to know about yours. And saying that I was killed by a curtain doesn’t make for much humpy bumpy.” Sirius jumps on, and wriggles closer, grinning. “So… you and Tonks. If I’d been alive, I would’ve lost a lot of money.”
Remus glares. “What were you betting on?”
“Um…” Sirius bit his lip, and widened his eyes in innocence. “Nothing?”
Remus shuts his eyes, lies back, and begins to poke Sirius in the spot on his ribs that makes him scream in protest - the one weak ticklish chink in his armour.
“Fine!” He hasn’t even properly started yet. Maybe death has made him more sensitive. “Um… I may have kind of said that you wouldn’t get married. Or have a girlfriend. Because… because I thought you were gay.”
“You do realise, of course, that there is such a thing as bisexual.”
Sirius gasps, and sits up with a start. “Seriously? You… and both?”
“Well, not at once.” Apart from that once, but he’d been extremely drunk and had a traffic cone on his head throughout. He’d blocked most of it out, except for flashes of singing ‘I’m a pretty pony’ while rather… occupied. “But yeah. Men and women - they’re both the same, aren’t they?” He places one hand on Sirius’ thigh, and wiggles an eyebrow. “Don’t you think?”
Sirius’ mouth flaps for a moment. “Did Tonks… did Tonks know?”
Probably. She wasn’t so stupid as to miss out on all the hints he dropped - especially the inordinate amount of photos of Sirius he had dotted around the cottage. And he thinks she probably found the box, which was the product of a rather frustrating adolescence. “I don’t know. Do James and Lily know about you?”
Sirius chokes, and it’s another five minutes until he can talk. “What?” he says in a strangled voice.
Remus smiles, patting Sirius’ thigh and curling up on his side. “You spend more time in the bathroom than anyone I know, you wear leather trousers and you scream like a girl.”
“That’s a stereotype.”
“Stereotypes are based on fact.”
Sirius twists, and Remus smiles up at him. He leans in, and Remus’ eyes flutter shut. Maybe, just maybe, this time will be all right. Maybe this time he’ll get the jackpot and have Sirius. It would’ve been nicer to have Teddy as well, but Remus isn’t going to argue with whatever higher ineffable power is controlling this world.
“I…” Sirius breathes. “I guess Lily’s right. Tonks’ll show up sooner or later.” Remus’ eyes slam open, and Sirius is walking away and out of the door. “You’re cooking me pancakes in the morning.”
***
Teddy stares at the box. Why has it taken twenty years for Andromeda to give it to him? It’s a pretty plain box, wooden and with just one small note taped to the top - ‘Memories’.
He slips it open, and tips out the contents onto the floor.
There aren’t any pictures of any girls, that’s the first thing he notices. None. None at all. Well, a couple of Lily Potter, judging by the red hair, but she’s only in the group photos. There’s one photo of Remus aged about ten, standing stiffly by the side of two people who have to be Teddy’s grandparents. Maybe. He’s never seen any photos of them, and every one who might have known is dead. There’s a few taken on James and Lily Potter’s wedding day, smiling groups and a few blushing couples. The photos of Hogwarts look better. The four Marauders themselves, dressed up as a Muggle pop group - turning the photo over, Remus’ written ‘the great Tragedy of 1976’ on the back in his scrawl. There’s another of Remus and Sirius Black, Remus constantly batting away a simpering Sirius trying to read over his shoulder.
And then he sees the other photos. The single shots of Sirius. They range from an innocent shot of him looking pensive at night to the ever so slightly creepy sleeping Sirius.
Oh Merlin there’s Sirius naked.
Teddy stares for a bit - after all, he’s an openminded guy. But then he remembers that Sirius was related to him, and so he hides them away from his eyes.
It’s not just photos in the box, though - there’s a collection of papers, tied up with a black ribbon.
Opening them, and reading them, Teddy can begin to see exactly why his father had naked pictures of his best friend.
***
Lily claps her hands together over the mug, and grins. How did he forget her? Well, not totally forget, obviously. But he’d forgotten the way she could stare at you through a steamy haze and make you feel as though you were a worthless piece of lint. Even McGonagall had nothing on Lily Potter when she wanted to know something.
“So… Remus.”
Remus squirms, and twists slightly in his seat. Maybe if he looks like he’s about to get up and run away, this’ll be over quicker. “Lily. It’s been a while.”
“I know!” She smiles again, and it’s terrifying. “I mean, you’ve been dead, what? Nearly a fortnight here. And that could be any amount of time at all back in the living world. We haven’t had a proper… chat yet, have we?”
And that should be a rhetorical question, but Remus is trying to think about all the things he can confess to that will mean he can escape from here. “No, Lily.”
“Tell me about Harry, first of all. I mean, Sirius did, but you’ve had another two years. He looked so grown up, didn’t he?”
Ok, so nothing personal. Remus can handle this, Harry was his pupil for a year and a… well, a person for much longer. “He’s a good kid, Lily. Maybe a bit like James, sometimes. And by that I do mean old James. Before you.”
Lily’s mouth twists into a half smile. “The self obsessed bastard version?”
“Yeah. Even got his own nemesis. Draco Malfoy.”
“Sirius told me about that. Now, what about your baby?”
“Brilliant…” Remus smiles, thinking about him. “Metamorphagus, hair changing constantly - seems to like it turquoise though. Hopefully that means he’ll be calmer than Dora was. Looks quite a bit like Sirius, really, Black looks, so he should get some of the girls. When he smiles… I love him more than anything. Bit scary, really.”
Lily smiles and nods. “You’ll miss him. But… he’ll be ok. After all, my Harry’s there to look after him!”
“Yeah, Harry’s his godfather.”
Lily stares at him again. “Did you love Nymphadora, Remus?”
Remus looks down, at the patterns in the rapidly cooling tea, and can’t lie. “No. Well, I did, but not enough. Not like you and James. Not like I -“ He stops. How the hell can she do that? He’s not going to tell her that.
Lily just nods, an enigmatic smile on her lips, and picks up the mugs.
What does a smile like that mean?
***
Dear Sirius.
I would just like to say I have no idea why I’m writing this as I’ll never send it because if I did you’d probably smirk and then run around the Common Room telling anyone who’ll listen that I want to have your cock in my mouth.
I mean, that’s not a bad idea. The cock in mouth bit, not the telling everyone bit.
Why the hell did I just write that?
NO ONE IS EVER TO READ THIS. NOT UNTIL I AM DEAD AND GONE AND UNEMBARRASSABLE.
***
Dear Sirius,
you’re a bastard. i hate you.
i wish you were dead
how the fuck could you do that to me?
i never want to see you again
i loved you
I miss you
Remus
***
Dear Sirius,
FUCK ME.
Yes, the subtlety approach will probably work best with Sirius.
***
Dear Sirius,
Roses are red
Your hair is black
I wish you were mine
You’re probably great in the sack.
Why, yes, I am a natural poet.
***
Dear Sirius,
I had a dream last night. I smeared chocolate sauce on your chest, with chocolate drops on your nipples. There was caramel in your mouth, golden syrup on your penis and marshmallows in your belly button.
Not quite sure if I was really horny or really hungry.
Remus
***
There aren’t any responses to the letters, at least not in the box.
Maybe Remus never said anything. Maybe Sirius didn’t feel the same way. Maybe they were both completely rubbish in the whole wooing department.
***
Remus blinks at the bouquet Sirius is holding out towards him. “Sirius, I’m allergic.”
“You weren’t before,” he frowns, and Remus resists the urge to smack him one - he really should be used to the fact that Sirius never listens by now.
“Yes, Sirius, I was. After every full moon, if we’d been out, I’d be covered in hives. Remember? And that time Johanna Edwards gave me roses on Valentine’s Day. I sneezed so hard I -“
“- got snot on McGonagall’s head,” Sirius smirks. “I remember that. You got detention, Minnie thought you were deliberate.”
Remus frowns. “Yes… didn’t Edwards end up being hexed later that day?”
He’s not quite sure if he imagines the blush on Sirius’ cheeks. “I don’t know. I have amnesia.”
“Why flowers, anyway?”
Sirius beams again, and waggles the bouquet slightly. “I felt like being nice.”
“Sirius, my sinuses are beginning to stream, my throat is slamming shut and I want to scratch out my eyes.” With every word, Sirius looks more and more like a kicked puppy.
“So… the bath full of rose petals is probably not a good idea then?”
***
Knock. Teddy jumps, looking around guiltily. Then he remembers that he’s in his own house, even if he is reading a letter that’s fast approaching the bounds of indecency. He has no idea who could actually be calling at this time of the day. Everyone should be working, or at school - he’s the only person he knows who gets by doing nothing of use whatsoever.
He staggers across to the door, pulling it open and squinting in the harsh light - really, he should have slept at some point over the last three days. Albus is standing there, eyes wide.
“Um… hi?”
Teddy stares for a moment, and then frowns. “Why’re you here?”
“I… I found something. And… and they’re kinda… they’re about your dad.” Albus shuffles, and then holds out something from behind his back. For one moment Teddy thinks he’s entered some kind of parallel world, as the papers look exactly like the letters his father wrote. Albus coughs. “Sirius wrote them.”
Teddy nods, taking them and squinting - judging by the first page, he may be in for more of the similar. “Where’d you find them?”
Albus looks guilty for a second. “I… well, James went into Dad’s study, and he found the Map, and I had to find something cool in there, only I found a chest and I thought it must have been Sirius’, and it was, and I opened it, and I found those. And I’m sorry.”
Teddy sighs, and gestures. “You’d better come in.”
He can only hope Albus never got to any pornographic ones. He can’t deal with a traumatised teenager at this time of day.
***
Remus blinks awake, to see Sirius standing over him and grinning insanely. Squinting across at the clock, he sighs. “Sirius. It’s three o’clock in the sodding morning. Piss off.”
“But Moony!” Sirius bounces onto the bed, peering into Remus’ face. “Come on - I want to show you something!”
Remus lets Sirius tug him upwards, stumbling out of the door and into the dark corridor. He’s not allowed to stop and put clothes on, and his pyjamas are slightly too big for him - he’s always been a skinny bastard, and he really hopes the trousers don’t fall all the way to his ankles.
“Not long now,” Sirius says, and Remus winces at the loud sound. Most people are quiet at night, but Sirius never really learnt about social conventions.
They stop by a lake, and Sirius squeezes Remus’ hand. “I made it for you,” he whispers. There’s a blanket on the ground, and Sirius bounces onto it, grinning upwards eagerly. “Sit with me?”
Remus lowers himself down gingerly, unsure as to what the hell he’s supposed to be doing. “Um… thank you?”
“Lie down.” Sirius grabs his shoulders, and forces him down, holding Remus down quite effectively by curling up next to him and placing his head on Remus’ chest. “Just… lie here for a bit.”
They lie there for a few minutes, breathing gradually synchronizing, and Remus is about to break the awkward silence when he realises what Sirius has done.
He’s given Remus the moon.
The moon is full, and Remus has only ever dreamt of it. He hasn’t come out here yet, not since he’s been here. He was scared. Scared that, even if he wasn’t wolf once a month, the moon might… kickstart it again. And the stars - he never saw the stars like this before. Never saw them in the sky, paying homage to the moon. Smiling, he traces the constellations with his eyes.
“Do you think it’s the same sky as in… the real world?” Sirius doesn’t answer, so Remus carries on. “I’d like that. Thinking of Teddy… maybe he’ll take his girlfriends out under the moon. Might lose his virginity under it. I couldn’t.”
He waits another couple of minutes, the weight of Sirius’ head rather comforting. “Sirius… this is nice. Thank you, really. I mean… I don’t know what I would have done without you here. I love Lily and James, but they’ve got each other. Now I’ve got you, and… I don’t know, Sirius. I think… I think even if Dora did turn up, I’d still want to stay with you.”
It’s only now that Remus registers the damp patch on his chest, and looks down to see Sirius snoring and drooling.
***
Dear Remus,
Now, I’ve always found you to be something of a reasonable chap. Always good for a scratch behind the ears, and that. But really, you must stop doing whatever it is that you’re doing. I’m finding it rather difficult to stop thinking about you, y’see.
Last night I was snogging that Ravenclaw (no, I can’t remember her name right now) and I very nearly said your name. And she’s about as different to you as possible - what with the black hair, big tits and womanliness and everything.
So stop it. Now.
Sirius
***
Dear Remus,
I’m a cock. I know that now. I miss you, more than I ever thought I would. I mean… it was just meant to be a joke, you know? I didn’t think Snape would figure anything out, and I didn’t know the twat would actually do it.
But that’s no excuse. I know that. But I think I love you, and this is killing me. I can’t sleep, Remus. I listen to you instead, and that’s just soppier than anything James has ever done.
I wish I could change things.
Hell, I wish you’d just look at me again.
Sirius
***
Dear Moony,
Unfortunately I will be unable to join you tonight for the full moon as I think I may try sniffing your arse.
Padfoot.
***
Dear Remus,
I’m beginning to think that pushing you into the lake wasn’t the best way to say ‘I love you’.
I just wanted you in a wet top - maybe you’d have to strip off.
I didn’t know the squid would try to take you as a mate.
Sorry.
Fancy a shag?
Sirius
***
Albus bites his lip, frowning at Teddy. “So… your dad was…”
“Gay.” Teddy raises an eyebrow. Maybe it’s hereditary, and that would explain a lot about why he keeps on eyeing up every person passing by, regardless of sex. Then again, that may be due merely to his age. “And my… third cousin? Fourth? Must be the inbreeding.”
“Do you think they ever…” Albus shrugs, gesturing indistinctly with his hands. At least that’s not clearer - Teddy can’t deal with his young almost-cousin making sex gestures.
“I dunno - hope so.” Maybe it’s not nice to his mother’s memory, but he’s almost certain that she’d just want Remus to be happy.
Dear Sirius,
You’re gone and I’m still here. And I’m married, to your cousin, and I love her too. Maybe I’ll see you again, some day, and then I’ll have to work out who I love more.
It’ll probably be you. Tonks just doesn’t piss me off the way you do.
Always yours,
Remus
PS I’m still mad about you eating all my chocolate before you died.
***
Remus stares at the fence, and kicks it. At some point he’s going to crack and kill Sirius. He’s been here… how long, now? Maybe a year. No sign of Dora, so he’s probably never going to be a husband ever again. And Sirius is just as infuriating as ever, looking gorgeous and being a twat and just… argh.
Remus glares at the wood, hoping that it will just burst spontaneously into flames. He can’t keep living like this. In one moment, Sirius is the sweetest person who ever lived, and Remus thinks he’s never loved anyone more. Then one moment later he would quite happily murder Sirius and leave his body to be eaten by hamsters.
Sighing, he turns back to the house. Sirius promised him food. He may as well go in. See if Sirius has destroyed the house.
The kitchen looks like a bombsite.
Sirius looks about ready to cry, surrounded by flour slowly falling from the ceiling. It makes him look like he has terrible dandruff. “I tried! Remus, I bloody well tried!”
“Tried what? Tried to drive me insane?” He’s already picking up a tea towel to tidy up, and the last bit of his masculinity dies.
“And I know she’s got multi coloured hair, but I made myself into a dog. She used no talent whatsoever, it’s just luck. Mine took ages, Remus, ages!” Sirius’ eyes follow him around the room. “And I know she had a womb and everything, but I’m sure we could’ve rented Lily’s. I mean Harry’s practically ours, remember the pink elephant you knitted for him?”
Remus blushes, and tries to forget that misspent youth. “Sirius, what the hell are you on about?”
He pouts, and stares out of the window. “I wanted you to stay. I mean, before, you weren’t here, and I didn’t know if you were still alive or if you were dead and not here. And then you came, and you were going to be here again. But you said about her, and I… I thought that maybe, if I could make you fall in love with me, then you’d stay here with me. But she’s the mother of your child, and you married her, so I’ve got no chance.”
“Sirius. I have no idea what you’re on about.”
“I don’t want to be alone,” Sirius says. “I want you here, with me, but you’re in love with her and I have no one.”
Remus rolls his eyes. “You want me to stay because Lily and James have each other and you’re lonely? Is that it?”
“No!” Sirius jumps in the air, and steps towards Remus with his hands outstretched and chef’s hat becoming more askew. “Merlin, Remus, I’ve fancied you for ages. Since we were at school. I mean, we spent our school life together and I fancied you. And then we lived together and we were good, yeah? I loved you, I think. But then the war started… and I never really got round to telling you.”
Remus twists the towel between his hands. Whatever Sirius is on, it must be good stuff. “You what?”
“I love you, Remus.” Sirius looks at the ground, biting his lip. “I want you to stay with me, because without you I may as well be dead.”
He’ll let that one go. “I… I’ll probably get annoyed by you. And hit you.”
“I’ll try and be good.”
Remus nods, and makes the decision. After all, you only live once, and he wasted that chance.
Grabbing Sirius and snogging him is a better way to go about the afterlife, especially with a view to kitchen sex later.
Author: Ozalina
Characters/Pairings: Remus/Sirius, Teddy
Rating: PG13
Beta: bunchoflemons
Prompt: 36. Teddy finds some of his dad's old love letters - never sent. Albus finds some of Sirius's. Whilst reading over them and wondering how neither could have known, Remus and Sirius are trying to fix that in the afterlife.
Really, meeting in the afterlife should be full of running in slow motion through fields of corn. Maybe a bit of crying wouldn’t be too much to ask. Fluffy clouds would normally feature heavily too.
It shouldn’t be a bit of an awkward silence, in a room that looks extremely like the Shrieking Shack.
It’s a bit of a shock, to go from fighting in a crowded hall with shouts all around you, to three expectant faces staring at you. Especially when those faces look about twenty five years younger than they should be. Remus frowns, and shuts his eyes again. “Am I hallucinating?”
He’s poked in the side, and cracks one eye open. Sirius is grinning at him, entirely too close for comfort. “No, you’re dead.”
Lily pushes him. “He might not have known that!”
Maybe it’d be better to stay on the floor. There’s no point in opening his eyes and entering the afterlife with his three best friends - they’ll just spoil it all. Even if he had given up hope on ever seeing them again.
But that’s not going to happen, judging by how Sirius is shoving his ribs. “Up. Get up. Up. Up. Up.”
Remus grimaces. “If I’m dead I want to bloody well enjoy it. Bugger off.”
“Up, up, up, up, up, up, up…” Sirius always was an annoying bastard.
James leans down then, and peers at Remus over the top of his glasses. “Is it really Remus? Didn’t he have more hair?”
“Remus, up or I’ll snog you.” And that’s the most promising idea he’s heard. If he’s dead, then Sirius is an angel, even if he is wearing that collar that got them all thrown out of the Ritz, and Sirius has got to make Remus’ life better, which involves kissing and sex in Remus’ opinions.
“Do that then.”
Sirius tugs at Remus’ hand, and pouts. He looks young enough to do that now, and it’s terrifyingly reminiscent of their schooldays. “Come on, Remus. Please. We’ve got to go and see Harry.”
Remus jolts upwards then, staring wildly. Harry. Harry’s the hope of the world, the only one who can save everyone from a lifetime of Death Eater orgies and bad hairstyles. And all the death, obviously. “What’s he got to do?”
“Ah,” Lily smiles proudly. “He’s going to save the world.”
“So up, Moony. We’ve got to make sure Prongs’ sprog does his Messiah jib.” Sirius pulls on Remus’ hand, grins, and maybe it’s ok to spend a bit of the afterlife vertical.
***
Harry wonders, afterwards, exactly why Remus had been in the group in the Forest. He did like him, yes, and he was the only Defence teacher that had ever been any good. But surely… surely Remus should have been off with Tonks, watching over Teddy and playing a harp?
He dismisses it the day he finds the box, reads through it, blushes rather a lot, and then hides it away again.
***
Harry drops the stone, and he fades away into nothingness. Remus would be worried, but James is smiling with a wisdom that just looks plain petrifying - wiseness on James Potter is like innocence on Sirius. It just doesn’t work.
“We shall see him again.”
Sirius is glaring, accusingly, and has crept over to James and Lily’s side of the clearing. “You have a kid?”
James’ eyes goggle. “Merlin, yeah! That’s what Harry said! How did that happen?”
“Oo, did you see him?” Lily coos. “Our Harry, all grown up. He looked very brave. Do you think he’ll make it?”
Remus wants to scream or hide away. “Argh.” Instead his subconscious seems to be settling for a strangled gurgle.
“Who’s the mother?” Sirius glowers.
“I never thought you’d have kids… I thought Sirius might have one by mistake…”
“He had muscles, did you see? And my eyes… James’ hair, poor thing.”
“Mmrgh.” Remus twitches, and then explodes. “Yes, Sirius, I’ve had a child, little boy called Teddy who looks like you. Mother was my wife. I was married for almost a year. And yes, Lily, your son is wonderful and he’s the hope of all wizardkind. I’m proud too.” He stares into the trees. “Can I go lie back down now?”
Lily smiles sadly, and takes his hand softly. “Come on, darling. We’ll go to the village. We’ve got a little house there, and Sirius lives next door, and you’ll like it. I promise. You can have a nice cup of tea, yes?” She glares at James and Sirius. “And you can tell us all about what’s been happening. Without interruptions.”
Hopefully it’s all three of them that feel like children, and not just Remus.
Lily turns, Remus’ hand still in hers, and when he opens his eyes again he’s outside a house with roses around the door, a broomstick lying in the grass, and a bike propped up on the wall.
Five minutes later, and they’re all sat in a kitchen in the state of disarray that speaks volumes about how Lily never managed to get the hang of domestic charms, while James stayed a mental age thirteen and therefore rather destructive. The kettle finishes whistling, and Lily stands to fetch the teapot.
She places the cup down in front of him, and sits back with a massive smile. “Drink up.”
He remembers Lily’s tea. Lily’s tea is terrifying, strong enough to strip teeth of enamel at twenty paces, with enough sugar to make a spoon stand up in it. Even Dora was better at tea, and she managed to tear every single teabag that entered their house.
Oh.
Dora.
Remus feels rather guilty that he forgot about her, and the fact that she’s most probably dead.
“What…” he begins slowly, “what happens if my wife is dead?”
James shrugs. “I dunno. Lily and me just turned up together.”
Lily rolled her eyes. “Have you never read the Books?” It’s weird how the capital letter clicks into place. “Remus, it’s… basically, you won’t be able to find her. It’s one of those things… she’ll have someone there, with her, almost like us only not us. And she’ll be told what to do, and if she is meant to come here then she will.”
Sirius pokes at his tea, still sulking. “Stupid ineffable Authority figure bastard.”
“What’s her name, then?” James wrinkled up his nose, trying to push his rapidly falling glasses higher. “And did you get her knocked up before the marriage?”
He never really thought he’d have to explain the fact that he’d got married to a woman that he’d helped babysit when he came out of Hogwarts. It was a little bit… complicated. “Her name… her name was Dora, and we were together for a bit before she got pregnant. She comforted me after...” He gestures in Sirius’ general direction.
Sirius perks up a bit at that, smirking slightly. “You were that devastated?” Then his face freezes. “Dora? That’s what Ted and Andromeda… ewewewewewewew!” His face screws up, and his hands flail around. “Wrongwrongwrong!”
“What?”
“He married Tonks! Little Nymphadora!”
James frowns. “That’s a bit weird.”
Remus shakes his head. Ah, he’s missed this about his friends - the quick jumping to conclusions and almost constant judgement. “She’s grown up now, James. And she loved me - why not? She was nice. She liked me.”
“You never said you liked her,” Sirius says, glaring.
“I didn’t then!” Remus shrugs. “Doesn’t matter though, does it? It’s what she wants that matters. Hang on - why don’t I have to go find her?”
“Because.” Lily has that glint in her eye. The one that makes Remus want to cover his testicles and protect them. “It’s ineffable, and you’re staying here.”
***
“Your mum was wonderful, Teddy.” Teddy nods, blinking over the top of the cot, eyes changing to the basic grey he slept in. “She was beautiful, and kind, and friendly. There wasn’t anyone she ever met who she was mean to. She was clumsy as anything, mind, but always sorry about it. She just wanted to make everyone happy. Like your dad - oh, she loved your dad. Your father lost everything, all of his friends. Maybe I wasn’t as nice to him as I should have been… but I was afraid he was going to hurt Dora. He was a werewolf, and maybe I should have been more tolerant, but I was a Black. Anyway, your mum just wanted to make Remus happy. And I think she did, a little bit. You did, anyway. I always thought Remus was gay… he spent entirely too much time with Sirius for it to be normal. And no straight man was ever that polite.”
Teddy yawns, and Andromeda jerks in her chair. “Anyway, you’ve got to remember your mum. Now, time for your bedtime story…”
***
Remus leans on the fence, and watches the children running and playing. It’s an almost idyllic scene, until he remembers that the children must in fact be dead. And then the boy pulls the girl’s hair, and the girl screams, and then the boy shoves an earthworm down her back, and he remembers why children didn’t figure in his view when he’d imagined his future.
“I… I’m sorry.”
Sirius nudges Remus, hair hanging low and covering his eyes.
“What for?” Knowing Sirius, this could be for anything. Maybe Sirius used Remus’ nail scissors when they were eighteen in order to trim his nasal hair.
“You shouldn’t be here.” Sirius sniffles. “You should be having happy families. In either world.”
“You’re a bastard, you know that?” Sirius pouts, and turns his head to look at Remus. “You left me alone. Twice, you sodding bastard. If Dora is going to turn up, then she will. For now… I’m going to enjoy you guys. Again.”
Sirius grins, and wraps his arm around Remus’ torso. “You can come live with me, if you want. I’ve got a spare room - I mean, just until Tonks turns up.”
Remus almost relaxes completely into the embrace, until he remembers Dora. No over-the-top flirting with Sirius. That’s not allowed, not when he’s married to another person. Not even if living with a Sirius who looks twenty years old may involve seeing said Sirius in various arousing states of undress. If that happens, Remus must remember his vows and think of McGonagall in her tartan dressing gown.
Sirius seems to be content to stare out at the world, and when Remus tries to move the arm tightens around him. Instead Remus thinks about this - maybe this is right, for him. Maybe Tonks is out there, with the Remus she always wanted. The Remus who loved her completely.
If she’d been first, maybe he would’ve. But she’d had to compete with Sirius, which wasn’t really fair. He was gorgeous, after all, and charming, and with about twenty million character faults (include insensitivity, petulance and rashness). But the faults just made you want to fix him. Or at least it did Remus. And sometimes Sirius was absolutely wonderful… kind, thoughtful, and effortlessly sexy.
Tonks was nicer, certainly, and a lot more eager to please. She was Hufflepuff, after all. And everything she did was because she thought Remus would like it, as opposed to Sirius’ acting before he thought (which Remus had always thought would be quite good in a relationship way - random sex could only be good). But maybe that was a fault… Remus didn’t want a perfect wife, he wanted someone who kept him interested. And Sirius had definitely managed that for a fair few years. There had to be something to the fact that it was Sirius he saw first after dying, maybe like birds imprinting on the first thing they saw after being born.
But Sirius was never going to be his mother. He didn’t have the legs for the wrinkly stockings.
***
Remus stares at the room, and is rather concerned by how much it resembles the room he had in Sirius’ flat before the first war. “How… why is Mr Snuffles on the bedside cabinet?”
Sirius shifts nervously, and tugs at the bottom of his t-shirt. “I… you can kind of… if you want, here, you can concentrate really really hard on something and make it.” He looks up, eyes catching Remus’, and grins dangerously. “You should’ve seen it when James tried to make some… toys for him and Lily. He couldn’t concentrate right, he was in agony for days.”
Remus winces - the details of his friends’ sex lives were never really his favourite thinking material. “Thank you, Sirius. But why did you make Mr Snuffles?” He picks up the cuddly toy, and sniffs it - same smell of washing powder and day old socks which came from living with both Remus and Sirius. He’d thought Mr Snuffles was lost when the Ministry confiscated everything in Sirius’ flat.
“I just thought… if you ever died, I thought you’d want somewhere familiar to stay.” And Sirius pouts again. “Didn’t know you were going to get married. Would’ve made you your own house if I’d known.”
Remus rolls his eyes, and bounces down onto the bed. “Dora might not turn up, Sirius. Anyway, I’m surprised you haven’t been shagging half the people in the afterlife.”
“Nah. Dead chicks tend to want to tell you about their death. Or want to know about yours. And saying that I was killed by a curtain doesn’t make for much humpy bumpy.” Sirius jumps on, and wriggles closer, grinning. “So… you and Tonks. If I’d been alive, I would’ve lost a lot of money.”
Remus glares. “What were you betting on?”
“Um…” Sirius bit his lip, and widened his eyes in innocence. “Nothing?”
Remus shuts his eyes, lies back, and begins to poke Sirius in the spot on his ribs that makes him scream in protest - the one weak ticklish chink in his armour.
“Fine!” He hasn’t even properly started yet. Maybe death has made him more sensitive. “Um… I may have kind of said that you wouldn’t get married. Or have a girlfriend. Because… because I thought you were gay.”
“You do realise, of course, that there is such a thing as bisexual.”
Sirius gasps, and sits up with a start. “Seriously? You… and both?”
“Well, not at once.” Apart from that once, but he’d been extremely drunk and had a traffic cone on his head throughout. He’d blocked most of it out, except for flashes of singing ‘I’m a pretty pony’ while rather… occupied. “But yeah. Men and women - they’re both the same, aren’t they?” He places one hand on Sirius’ thigh, and wiggles an eyebrow. “Don’t you think?”
Sirius’ mouth flaps for a moment. “Did Tonks… did Tonks know?”
Probably. She wasn’t so stupid as to miss out on all the hints he dropped - especially the inordinate amount of photos of Sirius he had dotted around the cottage. And he thinks she probably found the box, which was the product of a rather frustrating adolescence. “I don’t know. Do James and Lily know about you?”
Sirius chokes, and it’s another five minutes until he can talk. “What?” he says in a strangled voice.
Remus smiles, patting Sirius’ thigh and curling up on his side. “You spend more time in the bathroom than anyone I know, you wear leather trousers and you scream like a girl.”
“That’s a stereotype.”
“Stereotypes are based on fact.”
Sirius twists, and Remus smiles up at him. He leans in, and Remus’ eyes flutter shut. Maybe, just maybe, this time will be all right. Maybe this time he’ll get the jackpot and have Sirius. It would’ve been nicer to have Teddy as well, but Remus isn’t going to argue with whatever higher ineffable power is controlling this world.
“I…” Sirius breathes. “I guess Lily’s right. Tonks’ll show up sooner or later.” Remus’ eyes slam open, and Sirius is walking away and out of the door. “You’re cooking me pancakes in the morning.”
***
Teddy stares at the box. Why has it taken twenty years for Andromeda to give it to him? It’s a pretty plain box, wooden and with just one small note taped to the top - ‘Memories’.
He slips it open, and tips out the contents onto the floor.
There aren’t any pictures of any girls, that’s the first thing he notices. None. None at all. Well, a couple of Lily Potter, judging by the red hair, but she’s only in the group photos. There’s one photo of Remus aged about ten, standing stiffly by the side of two people who have to be Teddy’s grandparents. Maybe. He’s never seen any photos of them, and every one who might have known is dead. There’s a few taken on James and Lily Potter’s wedding day, smiling groups and a few blushing couples. The photos of Hogwarts look better. The four Marauders themselves, dressed up as a Muggle pop group - turning the photo over, Remus’ written ‘the great Tragedy of 1976’ on the back in his scrawl. There’s another of Remus and Sirius Black, Remus constantly batting away a simpering Sirius trying to read over his shoulder.
And then he sees the other photos. The single shots of Sirius. They range from an innocent shot of him looking pensive at night to the ever so slightly creepy sleeping Sirius.
Oh Merlin there’s Sirius naked.
Teddy stares for a bit - after all, he’s an openminded guy. But then he remembers that Sirius was related to him, and so he hides them away from his eyes.
It’s not just photos in the box, though - there’s a collection of papers, tied up with a black ribbon.
Opening them, and reading them, Teddy can begin to see exactly why his father had naked pictures of his best friend.
***
Lily claps her hands together over the mug, and grins. How did he forget her? Well, not totally forget, obviously. But he’d forgotten the way she could stare at you through a steamy haze and make you feel as though you were a worthless piece of lint. Even McGonagall had nothing on Lily Potter when she wanted to know something.
“So… Remus.”
Remus squirms, and twists slightly in his seat. Maybe if he looks like he’s about to get up and run away, this’ll be over quicker. “Lily. It’s been a while.”
“I know!” She smiles again, and it’s terrifying. “I mean, you’ve been dead, what? Nearly a fortnight here. And that could be any amount of time at all back in the living world. We haven’t had a proper… chat yet, have we?”
And that should be a rhetorical question, but Remus is trying to think about all the things he can confess to that will mean he can escape from here. “No, Lily.”
“Tell me about Harry, first of all. I mean, Sirius did, but you’ve had another two years. He looked so grown up, didn’t he?”
Ok, so nothing personal. Remus can handle this, Harry was his pupil for a year and a… well, a person for much longer. “He’s a good kid, Lily. Maybe a bit like James, sometimes. And by that I do mean old James. Before you.”
Lily’s mouth twists into a half smile. “The self obsessed bastard version?”
“Yeah. Even got his own nemesis. Draco Malfoy.”
“Sirius told me about that. Now, what about your baby?”
“Brilliant…” Remus smiles, thinking about him. “Metamorphagus, hair changing constantly - seems to like it turquoise though. Hopefully that means he’ll be calmer than Dora was. Looks quite a bit like Sirius, really, Black looks, so he should get some of the girls. When he smiles… I love him more than anything. Bit scary, really.”
Lily smiles and nods. “You’ll miss him. But… he’ll be ok. After all, my Harry’s there to look after him!”
“Yeah, Harry’s his godfather.”
Lily stares at him again. “Did you love Nymphadora, Remus?”
Remus looks down, at the patterns in the rapidly cooling tea, and can’t lie. “No. Well, I did, but not enough. Not like you and James. Not like I -“ He stops. How the hell can she do that? He’s not going to tell her that.
Lily just nods, an enigmatic smile on her lips, and picks up the mugs.
What does a smile like that mean?
***
Dear Sirius.
I would just like to say I have no idea why I’m writing this as I’ll never send it because if I did you’d probably smirk and then run around the Common Room telling anyone who’ll listen that I want to have your cock in my mouth.
I mean, that’s not a bad idea. The cock in mouth bit, not the telling everyone bit.
Why the hell did I just write that?
NO ONE IS EVER TO READ THIS. NOT UNTIL I AM DEAD AND GONE AND UNEMBARRASSABLE.
***
Dear Sirius,
you’re a bastard. i hate you.
i wish you were dead
how the fuck could you do that to me?
i never want to see you again
i loved you
I miss you
Remus
***
Dear Sirius,
FUCK ME.
Yes, the subtlety approach will probably work best with Sirius.
***
Dear Sirius,
Roses are red
Your hair is black
I wish you were mine
You’re probably great in the sack.
Why, yes, I am a natural poet.
***
Dear Sirius,
I had a dream last night. I smeared chocolate sauce on your chest, with chocolate drops on your nipples. There was caramel in your mouth, golden syrup on your penis and marshmallows in your belly button.
Not quite sure if I was really horny or really hungry.
Remus
***
There aren’t any responses to the letters, at least not in the box.
Maybe Remus never said anything. Maybe Sirius didn’t feel the same way. Maybe they were both completely rubbish in the whole wooing department.
***
Remus blinks at the bouquet Sirius is holding out towards him. “Sirius, I’m allergic.”
“You weren’t before,” he frowns, and Remus resists the urge to smack him one - he really should be used to the fact that Sirius never listens by now.
“Yes, Sirius, I was. After every full moon, if we’d been out, I’d be covered in hives. Remember? And that time Johanna Edwards gave me roses on Valentine’s Day. I sneezed so hard I -“
“- got snot on McGonagall’s head,” Sirius smirks. “I remember that. You got detention, Minnie thought you were deliberate.”
Remus frowns. “Yes… didn’t Edwards end up being hexed later that day?”
He’s not quite sure if he imagines the blush on Sirius’ cheeks. “I don’t know. I have amnesia.”
“Why flowers, anyway?”
Sirius beams again, and waggles the bouquet slightly. “I felt like being nice.”
“Sirius, my sinuses are beginning to stream, my throat is slamming shut and I want to scratch out my eyes.” With every word, Sirius looks more and more like a kicked puppy.
“So… the bath full of rose petals is probably not a good idea then?”
***
Knock. Teddy jumps, looking around guiltily. Then he remembers that he’s in his own house, even if he is reading a letter that’s fast approaching the bounds of indecency. He has no idea who could actually be calling at this time of the day. Everyone should be working, or at school - he’s the only person he knows who gets by doing nothing of use whatsoever.
He staggers across to the door, pulling it open and squinting in the harsh light - really, he should have slept at some point over the last three days. Albus is standing there, eyes wide.
“Um… hi?”
Teddy stares for a moment, and then frowns. “Why’re you here?”
“I… I found something. And… and they’re kinda… they’re about your dad.” Albus shuffles, and then holds out something from behind his back. For one moment Teddy thinks he’s entered some kind of parallel world, as the papers look exactly like the letters his father wrote. Albus coughs. “Sirius wrote them.”
Teddy nods, taking them and squinting - judging by the first page, he may be in for more of the similar. “Where’d you find them?”
Albus looks guilty for a second. “I… well, James went into Dad’s study, and he found the Map, and I had to find something cool in there, only I found a chest and I thought it must have been Sirius’, and it was, and I opened it, and I found those. And I’m sorry.”
Teddy sighs, and gestures. “You’d better come in.”
He can only hope Albus never got to any pornographic ones. He can’t deal with a traumatised teenager at this time of day.
***
Remus blinks awake, to see Sirius standing over him and grinning insanely. Squinting across at the clock, he sighs. “Sirius. It’s three o’clock in the sodding morning. Piss off.”
“But Moony!” Sirius bounces onto the bed, peering into Remus’ face. “Come on - I want to show you something!”
Remus lets Sirius tug him upwards, stumbling out of the door and into the dark corridor. He’s not allowed to stop and put clothes on, and his pyjamas are slightly too big for him - he’s always been a skinny bastard, and he really hopes the trousers don’t fall all the way to his ankles.
“Not long now,” Sirius says, and Remus winces at the loud sound. Most people are quiet at night, but Sirius never really learnt about social conventions.
They stop by a lake, and Sirius squeezes Remus’ hand. “I made it for you,” he whispers. There’s a blanket on the ground, and Sirius bounces onto it, grinning upwards eagerly. “Sit with me?”
Remus lowers himself down gingerly, unsure as to what the hell he’s supposed to be doing. “Um… thank you?”
“Lie down.” Sirius grabs his shoulders, and forces him down, holding Remus down quite effectively by curling up next to him and placing his head on Remus’ chest. “Just… lie here for a bit.”
They lie there for a few minutes, breathing gradually synchronizing, and Remus is about to break the awkward silence when he realises what Sirius has done.
He’s given Remus the moon.
The moon is full, and Remus has only ever dreamt of it. He hasn’t come out here yet, not since he’s been here. He was scared. Scared that, even if he wasn’t wolf once a month, the moon might… kickstart it again. And the stars - he never saw the stars like this before. Never saw them in the sky, paying homage to the moon. Smiling, he traces the constellations with his eyes.
“Do you think it’s the same sky as in… the real world?” Sirius doesn’t answer, so Remus carries on. “I’d like that. Thinking of Teddy… maybe he’ll take his girlfriends out under the moon. Might lose his virginity under it. I couldn’t.”
He waits another couple of minutes, the weight of Sirius’ head rather comforting. “Sirius… this is nice. Thank you, really. I mean… I don’t know what I would have done without you here. I love Lily and James, but they’ve got each other. Now I’ve got you, and… I don’t know, Sirius. I think… I think even if Dora did turn up, I’d still want to stay with you.”
It’s only now that Remus registers the damp patch on his chest, and looks down to see Sirius snoring and drooling.
***
Dear Remus,
Now, I’ve always found you to be something of a reasonable chap. Always good for a scratch behind the ears, and that. But really, you must stop doing whatever it is that you’re doing. I’m finding it rather difficult to stop thinking about you, y’see.
Last night I was snogging that Ravenclaw (no, I can’t remember her name right now) and I very nearly said your name. And she’s about as different to you as possible - what with the black hair, big tits and womanliness and everything.
So stop it. Now.
Sirius
***
Dear Remus,
I’m a cock. I know that now. I miss you, more than I ever thought I would. I mean… it was just meant to be a joke, you know? I didn’t think Snape would figure anything out, and I didn’t know the twat would actually do it.
But that’s no excuse. I know that. But I think I love you, and this is killing me. I can’t sleep, Remus. I listen to you instead, and that’s just soppier than anything James has ever done.
I wish I could change things.
Hell, I wish you’d just look at me again.
Sirius
***
Dear Moony,
Unfortunately I will be unable to join you tonight for the full moon as I think I may try sniffing your arse.
Padfoot.
***
Dear Remus,
I’m beginning to think that pushing you into the lake wasn’t the best way to say ‘I love you’.
I just wanted you in a wet top - maybe you’d have to strip off.
I didn’t know the squid would try to take you as a mate.
Sorry.
Fancy a shag?
Sirius
***
Albus bites his lip, frowning at Teddy. “So… your dad was…”
“Gay.” Teddy raises an eyebrow. Maybe it’s hereditary, and that would explain a lot about why he keeps on eyeing up every person passing by, regardless of sex. Then again, that may be due merely to his age. “And my… third cousin? Fourth? Must be the inbreeding.”
“Do you think they ever…” Albus shrugs, gesturing indistinctly with his hands. At least that’s not clearer - Teddy can’t deal with his young almost-cousin making sex gestures.
“I dunno - hope so.” Maybe it’s not nice to his mother’s memory, but he’s almost certain that she’d just want Remus to be happy.
Dear Sirius,
You’re gone and I’m still here. And I’m married, to your cousin, and I love her too. Maybe I’ll see you again, some day, and then I’ll have to work out who I love more.
It’ll probably be you. Tonks just doesn’t piss me off the way you do.
Always yours,
Remus
PS I’m still mad about you eating all my chocolate before you died.
***
Remus stares at the fence, and kicks it. At some point he’s going to crack and kill Sirius. He’s been here… how long, now? Maybe a year. No sign of Dora, so he’s probably never going to be a husband ever again. And Sirius is just as infuriating as ever, looking gorgeous and being a twat and just… argh.
Remus glares at the wood, hoping that it will just burst spontaneously into flames. He can’t keep living like this. In one moment, Sirius is the sweetest person who ever lived, and Remus thinks he’s never loved anyone more. Then one moment later he would quite happily murder Sirius and leave his body to be eaten by hamsters.
Sighing, he turns back to the house. Sirius promised him food. He may as well go in. See if Sirius has destroyed the house.
The kitchen looks like a bombsite.
Sirius looks about ready to cry, surrounded by flour slowly falling from the ceiling. It makes him look like he has terrible dandruff. “I tried! Remus, I bloody well tried!”
“Tried what? Tried to drive me insane?” He’s already picking up a tea towel to tidy up, and the last bit of his masculinity dies.
“And I know she’s got multi coloured hair, but I made myself into a dog. She used no talent whatsoever, it’s just luck. Mine took ages, Remus, ages!” Sirius’ eyes follow him around the room. “And I know she had a womb and everything, but I’m sure we could’ve rented Lily’s. I mean Harry’s practically ours, remember the pink elephant you knitted for him?”
Remus blushes, and tries to forget that misspent youth. “Sirius, what the hell are you on about?”
He pouts, and stares out of the window. “I wanted you to stay. I mean, before, you weren’t here, and I didn’t know if you were still alive or if you were dead and not here. And then you came, and you were going to be here again. But you said about her, and I… I thought that maybe, if I could make you fall in love with me, then you’d stay here with me. But she’s the mother of your child, and you married her, so I’ve got no chance.”
“Sirius. I have no idea what you’re on about.”
“I don’t want to be alone,” Sirius says. “I want you here, with me, but you’re in love with her and I have no one.”
Remus rolls his eyes. “You want me to stay because Lily and James have each other and you’re lonely? Is that it?”
“No!” Sirius jumps in the air, and steps towards Remus with his hands outstretched and chef’s hat becoming more askew. “Merlin, Remus, I’ve fancied you for ages. Since we were at school. I mean, we spent our school life together and I fancied you. And then we lived together and we were good, yeah? I loved you, I think. But then the war started… and I never really got round to telling you.”
Remus twists the towel between his hands. Whatever Sirius is on, it must be good stuff. “You what?”
“I love you, Remus.” Sirius looks at the ground, biting his lip. “I want you to stay with me, because without you I may as well be dead.”
He’ll let that one go. “I… I’ll probably get annoyed by you. And hit you.”
“I’ll try and be good.”
Remus nods, and makes the decision. After all, you only live once, and he wasted that chance.
Grabbing Sirius and snogging him is a better way to go about the afterlife, especially with a view to kitchen sex later.