Fic: How Do You See Me? (Part 2)
Author: on_the_ground
Title: How Do You See Me? (Part 2)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/s: Stiles/Jackson
Character/s: Stiles, Jackson
Summary: Stiles decides it's time to tell Jackson how he feels and what he wants.
Content Notes: Fluff, nobody is dead, future fic, mpreg
Warnings: None
Submission Type: Fic
Word Count: 1725 words
Prompt: #222 - Lie
Author's Notes: This continues part 1 and finishes the chapter. I'm glad that this prompt worked for this part and finally made me write an ending which has taken me a long time because this chapter was very hard to complete and it seemed like I was never going to do it. When I have to post this on AO3, I'll be really nervous. This will be part of my series "All I Saw Was You." Thanks so much to my lovely beta.
“The night we came back from our first date, I told you how I felt, didn’t I? Then, what happened? You’ve been avoiding me.”
“I haven’t avoided you,” Jackson says defensively.
“The hell you haven’t. You haven’t even kissed me!” Stiles waves both arms. “I don’t need to be a wolf to know when you’re lying, you know?”
Jackson smiles and licks his lip.
“What?” Stiles asks, raising his eyebrows.
“Nothing… it’s just that you’ve told me that many times before.”
Somehow that doesn’t surprise Stiles in the least.
“Okay. Fine.” Jackson admits. “I haven’t kissed you but it’s not because I didn’t want to. I simply… I was afraid that I couldn’t control myself afterwards. I didn’t want to hurt you. And besides, you’ve been in a coma, for god’s sake… I wasn’t sure if you were ready. I’m still not sure, actually.”
“Then you should have just asked me. Didn’t we communicate better before the accident? Didn’t we talk?”
“Of course we talked. We talked a lot. We also argued a lot. Haven’t we talked about your new career?” Jackson is not sure how to call his husband’s totally new occupation in law enforcement. “Because I think we’ve talked plenty about it. And yeah, we don’t agree about everything. That’s never gonna change. The thing is that we were never perfect, I’m sure Scott or just anybody else you’ve talked to must have told you that. But we loved each other… that’s why we had Daniel and that’s why I’m pregnant right now. We’d never have had kids if we weren’t sure that we worked together.”
“Jackson… you…” Stiles licks his lip in that way he does when he’s not sure how to say something and Jackson can almost hear his brain thinking. “You know I love you, right? Because I haven’t told you in so many words or maybe without any word I guess, but in case you need me to tell you, I’m telling you now… just so you know. I wanted to tell you but I didn’t know how to do it exactly. I’m not so good at this if you haven’t noticed.” Stiles wonders if he’s always been this way or it’s something new.
It’s not often that Jackson is taken by surprise but this was something that he hadn’t seen coming.
“You do?” Jackson asks, raising his eyebrows.
Right now this feels like the weirdest conversation Jackson has ever had. He never thought he’d ever be asking his husband how he feels about him because he’s supposed to know. He’s known pretty much from the start and he might have doubted a lot of things in his life but if there was something he never doubted, that was Stiles’s love for him. Then the accident changed all that and now he can feel his heart beating faster than it has in a while.
“Yeah, I do. You didn’t think I did?” Stiles asks.
“Honestly? I didn’t know what to think. I guess I didn’t want to get my hopes up. Besides, it’s not been too long since I…”
“Since you were in a coma?” Stiles finishes for him.
“Yeah.” Jackson nods.
“Well, you told me that when we started going out, things were pretty fast, right? That even I thought it was too fast at first.”
“Yeah, that’s true but we were teenagers back then.”
“What do you mean?” Stiles frowns.
“I mean. I don’t know if it was fast or not. I’d say it was pretty fast but I can’t be sure because I’ve never loved anybody else. At first neither of us knew what we were doing. But yeah, after what happened, something changed between us and we both knew it was happening, we just didn’t know how to face it or how to admit it because we were idiots.”
Stiles can’t say he’s surprised. It’s not difficult to imagine that the situation had to be kind of awkward at first. It just sucks to know that he was kind of a coward back then. Right now he doesn’t want to act like that again. Before coming into this room he had made up his mind, he was going to kiss Jackson and tell him how he feels although not necessarily in that order.
“Well, I don’t know how it was the first time but you’re forgetting that I have the mental age of a teenager, so you know, your theory could be right… maybe the story is repeating itself.” Maybe he’s fallen for him quite fast again but Jackson should only be happy about it.
Jackson snorts. Maybe Stiles is totally right. “You can’t really blame me if I forget sometimes… I do remember everything and when I look at you… well, you don’t look like you did when you were sixteen, you know?” Jackson licks his lips.
“Really? And how do I look?” Stiles smiles and that’s the smile Jackson had missed and was afraid he’d never see again.
“Come on, you know perfectly
well how you look.”
“Yeah, I know what I see in the mirror. I can see myself, obviously. But, you know, how do you see me?” Stiles wonders if that sounds weird but he doesn’t remember. Yes he knows Jackson loves him but he doesn’t remember any of their conversations, any of the things Jackson must have said to him at different points of their lives. It’s one of those things that makes him really sad when he thinks about it.
“Come on, you know how I see you.” Jackson waves his right arm and leaves the documents on the nightstand.
“You mean, I knew. I have amnesia, remember?”
Jackson shakes his head. Yeah, that’s true. He’s just not good at this… He’s improved but still, not his strongest suit.
“Well, okay.”Jackson nods. “It’s simple, actually. You’ve… I mean, you’ve grown up obviously. We both have although this is not the version of me that I wish you could see right now. But you know, the way I see you is just the way you are now. Your shoulders are broader, your arms and legs are stronger. And I love… I love your eyes. I love your lips. I love your longer hair. I love your chest. And I fucking love your hands… What else do you need me to say. That’s how I see you. You’re beautiful to me. You’ll always be.” Jackson shrugs.
Beautiful. Hell, it’s the first time somebody calls him that, at least that he can remember and he’s a little in shock. Stiles is not sure what he expected, probably just a couple of things, not all that string of words and pretty much without thinking. He’s never seen himself that way and it’s strange to hear that coming from somebody else, even if he’s married to that someone and even if he knows that that someone loves him.
“What?” Jackson asks when Stiles doesn’t say anything.
“Nothing.” Stiles licks his lips. “I just don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t need to say anything. You asked me and I replied. That’s it,” Jackson says matter-of-factly.
Stiles doesn’t answer, instead he lies down on his side, so that he’s much closer to Jackson, his head propped up in his left hand and his right one on Jackson’s right shoulder.
Stiles reaches out to take off Jackson’s glasses and Jackson helps him, leaving them on the nightstand over the documents. The next thing Jackson knows, Stiles’s mouth is covering his. It starts slow but soon Stiles’s right hand is on his cheek as their tongues meet and the kiss deepens, Jackson can hear Stiles’s heart beating faster again but this time it feels totally different. It feels the way it used to feel,the way it was when it was just the two of them, connected, needing each other. He knows Stiles was being totally honest before. He really wants to have sex with him and it’s not just because he wants to have his first time.
Jackson runs his right hand through Stiles’s hair as he angles his head to give Stiles better access. The intensity grows until they need to breath and when Jackson looks back at Stiles there’s that look he knows so well. That looks that means that he really wants to say something.
“Just say it.” Jackson says.
“Is it safe if we have sex?” Stiles runs his right hand over Jackson’s belly. “I mean, did we do it the last time?”
Jackson smiles. He can imagine that it wasn’t easy to ask.
“Yeah, we did it.” Jackson runs his right hand through Stiles hair.
“And was I… I mean, was I inside you?”
“Yeah, sometimes.”
Stiles makes that face that Jackson knows so well. What do you mean exactly?
“Sex is not a routine, you know? We don’t always do the same... It depends on how we feel… and you’ve never been shy about what you want, so don’t start today, okay? You can tell me anything…”
Maybe he could make things easier. Maybe he could take control of the situation and Stiles wouldn’t need to say a thing but if he did that, it would be like taking a step back and this whole thing is supposed to be a step forward for them. He needs Stiles to trust him like he used to.
“Okay, I want to be inside you if you feel like it… we don’t have to… I’m not saying--”
“Hey, shut up. You have no idea how much I want you.” Jackson leans closer to Stiles’s mouth until he can kiss him again. “How much I’ve missed you.” He kisses Stiles neck. “How much I want you inside me…” Their lips meet briefly again. “So, just get rid of those clothes and fuck me, okay?”
Stiles smiles, “Okay,” Stiles sits straight and gets rid of his sweater. “But remember that I have no idea what I’m doing…” He starts to unbutton his jeans.
“Will you please stop thinking? I can guide you through it but you’ve done this before… so, don’t worry… it’s gonna be okay. More than okay, believe me.”
Stiles throws his jeans to the floor.
“Yeah, stop thinking. I can do that,”
“Good.” Jackson smiles. “Now come here and kiss me.”
Title: How Do You See Me? (Part 2)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/s: Stiles/Jackson
Character/s: Stiles, Jackson
Summary: Stiles decides it's time to tell Jackson how he feels and what he wants.
Content Notes: Fluff, nobody is dead, future fic, mpreg
Warnings: None
Submission Type: Fic
Word Count: 1725 words
Prompt: #222 - Lie
Author's Notes: This continues part 1 and finishes the chapter. I'm glad that this prompt worked for this part and finally made me write an ending which has taken me a long time because this chapter was very hard to complete and it seemed like I was never going to do it. When I have to post this on AO3, I'll be really nervous. This will be part of my series "All I Saw Was You." Thanks so much to my lovely beta.
“The night we came back from our first date, I told you how I felt, didn’t I? Then, what happened? You’ve been avoiding me.”
“I haven’t avoided you,” Jackson says defensively.
“The hell you haven’t. You haven’t even kissed me!” Stiles waves both arms. “I don’t need to be a wolf to know when you’re lying, you know?”
Jackson smiles and licks his lip.
“What?” Stiles asks, raising his eyebrows.
“Nothing… it’s just that you’ve told me that many times before.”
Somehow that doesn’t surprise Stiles in the least.
“Okay. Fine.” Jackson admits. “I haven’t kissed you but it’s not because I didn’t want to. I simply… I was afraid that I couldn’t control myself afterwards. I didn’t want to hurt you. And besides, you’ve been in a coma, for god’s sake… I wasn’t sure if you were ready. I’m still not sure, actually.”
“Then you should have just asked me. Didn’t we communicate better before the accident? Didn’t we talk?”
“Of course we talked. We talked a lot. We also argued a lot. Haven’t we talked about your new career?” Jackson is not sure how to call his husband’s totally new occupation in law enforcement. “Because I think we’ve talked plenty about it. And yeah, we don’t agree about everything. That’s never gonna change. The thing is that we were never perfect, I’m sure Scott or just anybody else you’ve talked to must have told you that. But we loved each other… that’s why we had Daniel and that’s why I’m pregnant right now. We’d never have had kids if we weren’t sure that we worked together.”
“Jackson… you…” Stiles licks his lip in that way he does when he’s not sure how to say something and Jackson can almost hear his brain thinking. “You know I love you, right? Because I haven’t told you in so many words or maybe without any word I guess, but in case you need me to tell you, I’m telling you now… just so you know. I wanted to tell you but I didn’t know how to do it exactly. I’m not so good at this if you haven’t noticed.” Stiles wonders if he’s always been this way or it’s something new.
It’s not often that Jackson is taken by surprise but this was something that he hadn’t seen coming.
“You do?” Jackson asks, raising his eyebrows.
Right now this feels like the weirdest conversation Jackson has ever had. He never thought he’d ever be asking his husband how he feels about him because he’s supposed to know. He’s known pretty much from the start and he might have doubted a lot of things in his life but if there was something he never doubted, that was Stiles’s love for him. Then the accident changed all that and now he can feel his heart beating faster than it has in a while.
“Yeah, I do. You didn’t think I did?” Stiles asks.
“Honestly? I didn’t know what to think. I guess I didn’t want to get my hopes up. Besides, it’s not been too long since I…”
“Since you were in a coma?” Stiles finishes for him.
“Yeah.” Jackson nods.
“Well, you told me that when we started going out, things were pretty fast, right? That even I thought it was too fast at first.”
“Yeah, that’s true but we were teenagers back then.”
“What do you mean?” Stiles frowns.
“I mean. I don’t know if it was fast or not. I’d say it was pretty fast but I can’t be sure because I’ve never loved anybody else. At first neither of us knew what we were doing. But yeah, after what happened, something changed between us and we both knew it was happening, we just didn’t know how to face it or how to admit it because we were idiots.”
Stiles can’t say he’s surprised. It’s not difficult to imagine that the situation had to be kind of awkward at first. It just sucks to know that he was kind of a coward back then. Right now he doesn’t want to act like that again. Before coming into this room he had made up his mind, he was going to kiss Jackson and tell him how he feels although not necessarily in that order.
“Well, I don’t know how it was the first time but you’re forgetting that I have the mental age of a teenager, so you know, your theory could be right… maybe the story is repeating itself.” Maybe he’s fallen for him quite fast again but Jackson should only be happy about it.
Jackson snorts. Maybe Stiles is totally right. “You can’t really blame me if I forget sometimes… I do remember everything and when I look at you… well, you don’t look like you did when you were sixteen, you know?” Jackson licks his lips.
“Really? And how do I look?” Stiles smiles and that’s the smile Jackson had missed and was afraid he’d never see again.
“Come on, you know perfectly
well how you look.”
“Yeah, I know what I see in the mirror. I can see myself, obviously. But, you know, how do you see me?” Stiles wonders if that sounds weird but he doesn’t remember. Yes he knows Jackson loves him but he doesn’t remember any of their conversations, any of the things Jackson must have said to him at different points of their lives. It’s one of those things that makes him really sad when he thinks about it.
“Come on, you know how I see you.” Jackson waves his right arm and leaves the documents on the nightstand.
“You mean, I knew. I have amnesia, remember?”
Jackson shakes his head. Yeah, that’s true. He’s just not good at this… He’s improved but still, not his strongest suit.
“Well, okay.”Jackson nods. “It’s simple, actually. You’ve… I mean, you’ve grown up obviously. We both have although this is not the version of me that I wish you could see right now. But you know, the way I see you is just the way you are now. Your shoulders are broader, your arms and legs are stronger. And I love… I love your eyes. I love your lips. I love your longer hair. I love your chest. And I fucking love your hands… What else do you need me to say. That’s how I see you. You’re beautiful to me. You’ll always be.” Jackson shrugs.
Beautiful. Hell, it’s the first time somebody calls him that, at least that he can remember and he’s a little in shock. Stiles is not sure what he expected, probably just a couple of things, not all that string of words and pretty much without thinking. He’s never seen himself that way and it’s strange to hear that coming from somebody else, even if he’s married to that someone and even if he knows that that someone loves him.
“What?” Jackson asks when Stiles doesn’t say anything.
“Nothing.” Stiles licks his lips. “I just don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t need to say anything. You asked me and I replied. That’s it,” Jackson says matter-of-factly.
Stiles doesn’t answer, instead he lies down on his side, so that he’s much closer to Jackson, his head propped up in his left hand and his right one on Jackson’s right shoulder.
Stiles reaches out to take off Jackson’s glasses and Jackson helps him, leaving them on the nightstand over the documents. The next thing Jackson knows, Stiles’s mouth is covering his. It starts slow but soon Stiles’s right hand is on his cheek as their tongues meet and the kiss deepens, Jackson can hear Stiles’s heart beating faster again but this time it feels totally different. It feels the way it used to feel,the way it was when it was just the two of them, connected, needing each other. He knows Stiles was being totally honest before. He really wants to have sex with him and it’s not just because he wants to have his first time.
Jackson runs his right hand through Stiles’s hair as he angles his head to give Stiles better access. The intensity grows until they need to breath and when Jackson looks back at Stiles there’s that look he knows so well. That looks that means that he really wants to say something.
“Just say it.” Jackson says.
“Is it safe if we have sex?” Stiles runs his right hand over Jackson’s belly. “I mean, did we do it the last time?”
Jackson smiles. He can imagine that it wasn’t easy to ask.
“Yeah, we did it.” Jackson runs his right hand through Stiles hair.
“And was I… I mean, was I inside you?”
“Yeah, sometimes.”
Stiles makes that face that Jackson knows so well. What do you mean exactly?
“Sex is not a routine, you know? We don’t always do the same... It depends on how we feel… and you’ve never been shy about what you want, so don’t start today, okay? You can tell me anything…”
Maybe he could make things easier. Maybe he could take control of the situation and Stiles wouldn’t need to say a thing but if he did that, it would be like taking a step back and this whole thing is supposed to be a step forward for them. He needs Stiles to trust him like he used to.
“Okay, I want to be inside you if you feel like it… we don’t have to… I’m not saying--”
“Hey, shut up. You have no idea how much I want you.” Jackson leans closer to Stiles’s mouth until he can kiss him again. “How much I’ve missed you.” He kisses Stiles neck. “How much I want you inside me…” Their lips meet briefly again. “So, just get rid of those clothes and fuck me, okay?”
Stiles smiles, “Okay,” Stiles sits straight and gets rid of his sweater. “But remember that I have no idea what I’m doing…” He starts to unbutton his jeans.
“Will you please stop thinking? I can guide you through it but you’ve done this before… so, don’t worry… it’s gonna be okay. More than okay, believe me.”
Stiles throws his jeans to the floor.
“Yeah, stop thinking. I can do that,”
“Good.” Jackson smiles. “Now come here and kiss me.”