FIC: Once in a Blue Moon - Ch 49
Start of the story, including full ratings, warnings, pairings etc. Here
Summary for the new readers watching my journal: An AU Remus/Sirius story set in a world where an eleven year old werewolf named Remus Lupin never got his Hogwarts invitation, and where Sirius Black was not accepted by the rest of the Gryffindors. The two outcasts form a friendship despite overwhelming odds, but will their friendship survive when Sirius finds himself falling in love with his best friend...his friend who wants nothing more than to be 'normal', despite the passion he feels for the heir to the Noble House of Black.
Disclaimer: I own nothing that you recognise. J K Rowling retains all copyright.
I’m the One You Need (PG15)
Remus had never asked Sirius for the full details of what had happened to him after he had left The Three Broomsticks. In truth, he hadn’t any need to do so.
When Remus had discovered that Sirius was missing, he had immediately enlisted the help of James and Peter. It was rather typical of the trio that they didn’t ask for help from the teachers, at least not at first.
The three sixth year boys had conferred amongst themselves and decided not to tell the staff that Sirius was missing until the next morning. Remus had flooed to his house in Hogsmeade, on the off chance that Sirius was there, and then he had sent Romulus to search the school. He hadn’t slept, and the next morning he knew he had no choice but to go and see Professor McGonagall.
Minerva McGonagall, always perfectly calm and composed, even in the worst sort of crisis, had immediately taken him to see Dumbledore.
Remus had merely been glad it was a Sunday, and that he didn’t have to go to lessons. He knew that he would never have been able to concentrate for more than a moment or two.
He was fairly sure that it had been the longest day of his life, and time had only seemed to move normally again after Dumbledore had told him that Sirius was safe. Remus had wanted to go and find Sirius immediately, but no amount of pleading had persuaded Dumbledore to tell him where Sirius was.
Instead, all he could do was count the days and hours to the next full moon, by which time Dumbledore had assured him that Sirius would return. He wasn’t sure that he believed him, but there was nothing he could do.
He took that time to feel very guilty over letting Sirius leave The Three Broomsticks without him. He was sure that whatever had happened could have been avoided, if only he had followed after him immediately; no matter that he had been only a few minutes behind him.
Through the days of Sirius’s absence, Remus had come to two very startling conclusions.
The first thing he had realised was that as the full moon neared, his mind was dwelling more and more on what he and Sirius had done during the morning after the last one. He still had lingering memories of the pain, but he also recalled the sensations that Sirius had managed to coax from his body… sensations and feelings that he wanted to feel again.
The second thing that he had realised was that he truly missed his best friend, and would do anything to have him back at his side again.
Now Sirius was back in school, and it was clear that he needed Remus’s support more than ever.
When Sirius had told him that a few of the lads had taken offence at his preferences, Remus had known immediately what had happened. He had seen the bruises for himself, and his heart clenched when he recalled them.
The gossip about Sirius being gay had spread through the school like wildfire, and as soon as he had returned the name-calling had started. Remus would have given anything to be able to silence every student who called Sirius a fag, a pouf or a queer, but there were far too many of them for him to take on them all. That wasn’t to say that he didn’t try. When Sirius had been hexed on his second morning back at school, the students involved all mysteriously ended up in the Hospital Wing with various painful ailments. No one could prove that it was Remus who had put them there, but Sirius knew who was responsible and was very grateful for his fiercely protective friend.
His best friend was back at his side, and Remus knew that that was where he was meant to be. Things between them were slowly working their way back to normal. They sat together in class again, they worked on their homework together, they played chess, cheered on the Gryffindor Gobstones champion, and things were very close to being much as they had been before the day that Sirius had kissed him.
There was really just one bone of contention between the two of them, and that was Charlene.
No matter how hard Remus tried, he could not get Sirius to accept that he liked her, and was not prepared to break up with her just because the wolf got a bit horny around the time of the full moon.
Remus knew that Sirius was working at breaking him down in this regard, but he was fighting a losing battle. While Remus might like the feelings that Sirius roused in him, he didn’t want to risk being mistaken for a pouf. He had already been attacked for being a werewolf, and he had no intention of giving the bullies that remained in the school the opportunity of setting on him for anything else.
He had asked Sirius whether the boys who had attacked him had been expelled, but Sirius had shaken his head. He wondered why not, but James had heard their discussion and his theory that it was because it wasn’t the school werewolf who was under attack unfortunately rang true. He didn’t like to think that he was getting special treatment, but there was no denying that it seemed to be the case. He was the only werewolf who had been allowed to attend Hogwarts in the entire history of the school… it really did say it all.
Still, he was determined that they wouldn’t get away with what they had done entirely, and he had used James’s invisibility cloak to creep into the Restricted Section behind Sirius in order to find the perfect way to get back at them. No simple hex would do for those boys; Remus was going to make them pay.
“Your work?” Sirius whispered as he watched them hobble out of the Great Hall a few mornings later.
Remus nodded. “I decided one hex wasn’t enough for them,” he whispered. “So, I combined a few of them. Not sure where the purple feathers came from though. Must have been from two or more of the spells reacting to each other.”
“I like their new voices,” Sirius replied. “Are they what I think they are?”
“Chicken cackles,” Remus confirmed. “Ganging up on you like that, bloody cowards!”
Sirius grinned as the last of his tormentors stumbled, almost drunkenly, into the doorframe. Remus chuckled and turned back to his breakfast. He didn’t tell Sirius that he had copied down even more spells from the Restricted Section, just in case the boys were foolish enough to try anything else.
He reached under the table and patted Sirius on his leg, trying to make it a casual supportive gesture, while wondering how long he could leave his hand there before Sirius would consider it something more. It felt nice to rest his hand on Sirius’s leg, nicer than he wanted to admit.
Now the full moon had passed and Sirius was back at school, Remus was already counting the days until the next one. He would never admit to anyone, not even himself, that for the first time since he had been bitten, it wasn’t only a case of counting the days because he had to and because he dreaded it. No, for the first time, Remus was counting the days to the full moon because he was eagerly anticipating the day when he could let Sirius touch him as he wanted him to.
The full moon was still more than a week away, but Remus was already more than eager for Sirius to take him in his mouth once more.
Remus was very confused and getting increasingly angry about his own lack of restraint. It was becoming obvious that he didn’t just want Sirius at the time of the full moons, but the closer the full moon was, the less control he seemed to have over his impulses. He wondered whether the wolf was taking him over, or whether it was the other way around. He didn’t know which thought scared him the most.
-o-xXx-o-
Sirius was hurrying down the corridor towards the Potions supply cupboard when he felt a hand grab his arm and found himself tugged into a darkened cupboard.
“What the hell?” he muttered, as his eyes adjusted to the darkness.
Then he felt a hand on the back of his neck and a pair of lips pressed against his own. He pulled back slightly. “Remus?”
Remus chuckled and pulled him close again. “Who else were you expecting?”
“I wasn’t expecting anyone,” Sirius pointed out. “Where are we?”
“One of Filch’s store cupboards.”
“Why?”
“Can’t you guess?” Remus teased.
Sirius drew in a sharp breath as Remus pressed himself closer. He felt the collar of his robes being pushed aside and then Remus was sucking on his neck. He felt a twinge of annoyance that Remus had taken the time to make sure that any mark he left would be safely hidden from the eyes of others. He still didn’t want anyone to know about what they were doing. Then again, he reasoned, perhaps it was best to be cautious about their relationship. Even if Remus hadn’t been stubbornly pleading his heterosexuality, Sirius didn’t really need any more attention from the bullies of the school.
Then he felt the evidence of how much Remus wanted him, and he knew he didn’t have the willpower to argue with him.
“Full moon tomorrow,” Remus gasped.
Sirius didn’t need reminding. It wasn’t like Remus would voluntarily touch him at any other time of the month.
“Don’t talk,” he whispered before pushing Remus up against the wall and kissing him fiercely.
He didn’t want to hear that it was Moony who wanted him.
He didn’t want to hear Remus’s denials again.
He wanted to feel Remus in his arms.
He wanted to taste his lips.
He wanted to hear Remus cry out in ecstasy as he came.
No matter the cost… he wanted Remus.
Sirius pulled Remus towards him, letting the other boy use him as a pillow as he lay sated on the dusty cupboard floor.
“Love you,” Sirius whispered.
Remus didn’t reply.
“Remus?”
“I’m so weak,” Remus mumbled.
“I hope you’re talking about being exhausted after what we’ve just done.”
“You know what I’m talking about.”
“Yeah, I guess I do,” Sirius replied. “So, this is what it comes down to, is it? You aren’t getting any from your girlfriend, so you’ll settle for me?”
“That’s not fair.”
“Isn’t it?”
“Charlie isn’t like that.”
“Like what? Easy, like me?”
“You’re not easy.”
“Aren’t I? Seems like it to me. You’re feeling horny; your girlfriend won’t put out, so you turn to me because you know I’ll go down on you in a heartbeat. You don’t even need to ask.”
“Oh, Sirius.” Remus sighed and hugged him tightly. “I’ve already explained about Moony and you seemed to accept it.”
“I understand what you said, but that doesn’t mean I accept what you’re telling me.”
Remus sat up and glared at Sirius. “If you’re going to be like this every time we’re together…”
“You’ll what?” Sirius snapped. “Deny Moony what he wants?”
“If I have to.”
“You know you won’t. You want me too badly to let this delusion you’re under stop us being together.”
“It’s not a delusion.”
“Seems like it to me. In case you hadn’t realised, I have needs, too. Maybe you can limit your urges to the three days around the full moon, but I can’t. I want you every day of the month. I love you.”
“I don’t have to give in to the wolf,” Remus pointed out quietly. “That I let him have you this much should be enough. Most blokes would hate the idea of another guy touching them… you know… down there.”
“Do you hate the idea of me touching you?” Sirius whispered.
“Moony…”
“No!” Sirius snapped. “I don’t want to hear about Moony. I want to know what Remus thinks. If I touch you next week would you like it? Or would you be repulsed by the very idea?”
“I…”
“I’ll want you next week, just as much as I want you right now. Probably even more as I’ll have spent nearly a week without you. Do you have any idea what it’s like to have all these feelings and not be able to act on them?”
“I guess I’ve been a bit selfish, huh?”
“A bit?” Sirius shook his head and laughed bitterly. “It sometimes seems like you’re using me. You take what you want, when you want it, and I just have to put up with it.”
“We never really talked about your needs, did we?” Remus murmured quietly. “I guess you’re probably thinking about getting a boyfriend or something.”
“No, I want you!”
“But since you can’t have me, perhaps you should look elsewhere? It would be great if you could find someone who won’t mind sharing you with Moony, but I’ll understand if you can’t. I don’t want you to have to choose between Moony and a potential boyfriend.”
“Whoa, wait a minute.” Sirius held up his hands and replayed the last few minutes of the conversation in his mind. “How did we get onto me getting a boyfriend? I don’t want a boyfriend. I want you!”
“You can have me,” Remus said. “Today, tomorrow and the day after that.”
“And then?” Sirius whispered.
“You always have to ruin things, don’t you?” Remus snapped as he pushed Sirius away. “You just can’t leave it alone.”
Sirius could tell that Remus was getting angry again. He didn’t want to fight, not any more. He reached out and took Remus’s hand in his own. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t want to fight.”
Remus nodded, appeased for the moment. “I’m kind of glad you don’t want a boyfriend actually,” he told him.
“Why?” Sirius asked, tempted to ask if he was jealous, but unwilling to risk angering Remus again.
“Because a boyfriend would want you every day of the month, and I wouldn’t get you at all,” Remus said.
“I’d choose you over anyone else,” Sirius whispered, leaning across to kiss him hard on the lips.
They slipped out of the cupboard, relieved to find that the corridor was empty. With not a soul in either direction, Sirius took the opportunity to take Remus’s hand in his own and squeeze it briefly.
“Don’t,” Remus whispered. “Not where someone might see.”
Sirius nodded and reluctantly released Remus’s hand. It was just how it was.
“What are we going to do during the summer?” he asked as they climbed onto one of the moving staircases.
“It’s not far away now,” Remus replied. “One more full moon and then we break up.”
Sirius tried not to read the double meaning of Remus’s words and concentrated instead on the problem at hand. “My father may let me visit, if he hasn’t heard about my perversions.”
“You’d have heard from him by now if he had,” Remus pointed out. “All the usual suspects who would tell tales to him have left Hogwarts now.”
“They’d probably write to my mother first,” Sirius added. “Good job she already knows.”
From the floor below they heard the sound of laughter and a call of “fag”.
Sirius watched Remus take a step away from him and reach for his wand with lightning reflexes. It was clear there would be two more for the hospital wing before the day was over. He hoped that by next year things would change. Most of his tormentors had been seventh years, and at least they would have left school when he returned.
“Charlie has agreed to stay away during the full moon again,” Remus commented as they continued up the stairs.
“Bloody good job,” Sirius muttered. “I don’t think she’d like seeing her boyfriend getting sucked off by another bloke.”
“You sound very sure that that’s going to happen,” Remus said.
“You saying it isn’t?” Sirius challenged. “You know that you’re still hard for me, even after what we’ve just done.”
“It’s the full moon.”
Sirius didn’t answer that. Instead, he took a detour to the prefects’ bathroom and tugged Remus inside. Remus didn’t pull away from him or argue with him. He simply gave himself over to Sirius, crying out repeatedly as he was pushed over the brink again and again.
Sirius didn’t believe it was the full moon that made Remus want him. He had caught sight of far too many longing looks from Remus at other times of the month. He had spotted the bulge in Remus’s trousers on far more days than the three surrounding the full moon. But, most encouraging of all, on the day that Moaning Myrtle had decided to camp out in the prefects’ bathroom, he had returned to the one down the corridor from the boys’ dormitory, and heard Remus crying out his name, just as he had done on the first night of the year.
He knew it couldn’t be a coincidence that on both of the two occasions he had used the regular bathroom, he had heard Remus pleasuring himself with thoughts of him. He had no doubt at all that this was something that Remus did on a regular basis, if only Remus would admit it to the both of them.
-o-xXx-o-
The summer holidays arrived in the middle of the worst heat wave in living memory.
Sirius had managed to persuade his parents to let him stay with Remus for the start of the holidays. Remus privately wondered if he had blackmailed them, but Sirius had assured him that that was not the case.
“Just the first week,” Sirius said as he read the letter. “Then I have to go back for the rest of the summer. They won’t let Regulus come either, they say he’s too young.”
“Do you have to stay in London for all the rest of the summer?” Remus asked.
“Don’t worry; my parents would never separate us during a full moon again,” Sirius promised him. “They say you can visit for the last week of the holidays, too.”
“They’ll let you stay for all three days, won’t they?” Remus asked, more concerned about the full moon than the end of the holidays.
Sirius smiled to himself, knowing exactly what it was that Remus was asking, without actually saying the words. “I can come on the day of the full moon, and they want me back by dinner the following night.”
Remus nodded. “Oh.”
“You won’t even miss me,” Sirius teased. “You’ll be too busy sorting out the house, making it liveable again.”
Remus didn’t reply for a long time. “I’ve decided to visit Greyback in the summer,” he finally announced. “If I arrange it for the day after the full moon, will you come with me?”
Sirius nodded. “Of course I will.”
Remus smiled with obvious relief and they turned back to their homework. Even though the end of term exams were over, the professors were not easing up on the N.E.W.T. students.
The lessons continued right up until the last day, and several students were despairing over finding the time to pack.
“It’s all right for you two,” Peter complained. “You can leave it until after the rest of the school has gone to the station tomorrow morning.”
“Yeah, isn’t it great?” Remus said, without looking up from the Quidditch magazine crossword he was presently struggling with. “Anyone know which member of the Cannons was knocked out for three weeks during the blatching incident of 1893, losing them the league cup for the first time in over two decades?”
“Was it McAdams?” James asked as he pulled several sets of robes from the wardrobe and threw them onto his bed.
“Doesn’t fit,” Remus replied as he chewed on his quill.
Remus turned to the next clue while the rest of the boys continued to pack. Sirius wasn’t trying too hard though, instead, he was crawling under the beds as he searched for various lost items.
“You aren’t still trying to find your spare tie, are you?” James asked.
“No, it was in the bathroom cabinet,” Sirius replied, his voice echoing from beneath Remus’s bed.
“What was it doing in there?”
“Who knows.”
“So, what have you lost now?”
“Just a magazine,” Sirius replied, his voice a shade too casual.
Remus stilled his quill and chewed his lip. He had forgotten all about the magazine he had found in Sirius’s trunk, and knew that it was still hidden beneath his mattress.
“You shouldn’t worry about it,” Peter advised. “The house elves will pick up anything you leave behind.”
“I know that,” Sirius muttered. “That’s why I need to find it. I don’t fancy starting off next term with a detention.”
“A detention?” Peter asked. “Why would you get a detention for forgetting a magazine? Unless it’s one of those…”
“Yeah,” Sirius interrupted. “It’s one of those magazines, except I can’t bloody find it. If the house elves find it, they’ll hand it in to the teachers with the rest of the lost property, and you know they’ll know who it belongs to.”
He crawled back out from under the bed, grabbed a shoe and threw it across the room at its owner. It was a direct hit and James rubbed his bruised forehead. “Is it the magazine you told me about?” he asked. “The muggle one with blokes in it?”
Sirius nodded. “It was in my trunk, I know it was. I’ve never taken it out of the damn trunk.”
“You haven’t?” Peter asked. “Then why bring it to school?”
“My mother caught me with them when I was in the middle of packing at the start of the year. She demanded I get them out of the house, so I shoved them in my trunk. I need to make sure they’re all hidden out of her sight, but I can’t find one of them.”
“Well, who else would have it?” Peter asked. “The three of us aren’t exactly into blokes.”
Sirius sighed and sat down on his bed. “I just don’t understand where it could have gone.”
The mystery of the missing magazine lingered for the rest of the day, and it still hadn’t re-appeared the next day when Peter and James said their goodbyes and went to join the rest of the students in the Entrance Hall. Remus went downstairs with them to say goodbye to Charlene, but Sirius chose to remain in the dormitory and search behind the more bulky items of furniture.
Sirius’s trunk was packed, but Remus’s belongings were still scattered around the room, when the main school left to catch the Hogwarts Express and Remus returned upstairs.
They were gathering things together when two house elves appeared in the dormitory to collect the bedding for the laundry. They quickly stripped the beds, leaving Remus’s, that still had several piles of clothes on it, until last.
Sirius spotted the magazine as the elves tugged the valance sheet from the bed. He turned to Remus, who had clearly spotted it, too, and saw the flush of embarrassment on his face.
“Should have guessed,” Sirius said as he pulled his magazine from its hiding place. “How long have you had this?”
“I’d forgotten about it until last night,” Remus admitted. “I couldn’t say anything in front of the others, you know that.”
“Yeah, I know,” Sirius replied, trying not to feel too smug at the knowledge that Remus had been sneaking looks at his magazines. “This one isn’t very good actually. I’ve a couple more in my trunk that are much better.”
“You do?”
Sirius hid his smile as best he could. “Actually, could you do me a favour?” he asked.
“What sort of favour?” Remus replied hesitantly.
“Would you keep all the magazines for me?” Sirius asked. “My mother will do her nut if she catches me with muggle magazines again. You could hide them at your place and she’d never know the difference.”
“But what if Charlie comes to visit and sees them?”
“Say they’re mine,” Sirius said with a shrug. “You wouldn’t be lying. Besides, if you put them in the study no one would ever know they were there. You could just hide them in with all the rest of the books and magazines.”
Remus nodded. “Okay. Pass them here and I’ll put them in my trunk.”
Sirius grinned as he retrieved the rest of the magazines from his own trunk and passed them across to Remus. He didn’t comment on Remus’s blush as he looked at the covers of the magazines, nor did he remark on how long Remus had looked at them before putting them away. But he noticed both of these things and stored them in his memory for future reference.
-o-xXx-o-
“Where do you think we should start?” Sirius asked after they had dumped their trunks in Remus’s living room and stocked up the larder with food purloined from the Hogwarts kitchens.
Remus shrugged and turned to Romulus. “Where do you suggest?”
Romulus looked at the stack of pots in the kitchen sink, some of which had been there for more than four months, and immediately suggested the kitchen.
Remus opened the cupboard, displaying the large array of remaining mismatched pots. “No need to do the kitchen just yet,” he said. “Next suggestion?”
“The pots,” Romulus repeated. “You’ll have things growing in the sink if you leave them much longer.”
“You’re just saying that,” Remus replied, clearly not bothered by the threat.
“I’m not just saying it,” Romulus said. “This is - and always has been - a home for witches and wizards, and it doesn’t pay to leave things lying around. You never know how things will react to the magic in the house.”
“Maybe we can get the old ghost up in the attic to do the cleaning?” Sirius suggested with a grin.
“Oh, that’s a great idea,” Romulus said, the faintest trace of sarcasm in his voice. “Do let me know when you go to ask her; I could do with a good laugh.”
“I’m going to start in the study,” Remus announced. “You coming, Sirius?”
Sirius nodded and the two of them set about beginning the task of putting the house back into some sort of an order again.
Remus seemed determined to avoid the kitchen sink, and after four days of not very subtle hinting by Romulus, Sirius finally decided to give it his best shot. It was that or trying to talk Remus into sorting out Romulus’s room, and he didn’t like the idea of attempting that again. Remus seemed to believe that if he simply left the room as it was Romulus would one day be able to use it again. Romulus had tried to persuade Remus to clean the room himself, pointing out that it had always been tidy when he was using it, but his pleas fell on deaf ears.
The week flew by faster than either boy could have imagined, and all too soon Sirius was sitting on his trunk, forcing it shut, and preparing to apparate to Grimmauld Place.
“You will come back for the full moon, won’t you?” Remus reminded him.
Sirius nodded.
“As soon as you can?” Remus added.
“As soon as I can escape my mother’s clutches,” Sirius promised with a grin.
“I’ll miss you,” Remus said as Sirius finally managed to strap the trunk shut.
Sirius’s smile lit up the room. “I’ll be back soon,” he said.
Remus’s lower lip was sticking out ever so slightly, his pout almost unnoticeable, although Sirius, who knew him better than anyone else, could see it quite clearly.
“I’ll see you on the full moon,” Romulus said, vanishing from the room with nod and a smile.
“Yeah, see you!” Sirius called, even though he suspected the ghost had gone where he could no longer hear him. He turned to Remus once more. “Are you going to be okay?” he asked.
Remus nodded and the lower lip jutted out just a little bit more.
Sirius knew he should leave well enough alone, but a small part of his brain told him to stuff it and he pulled Remus into his arms and pressed their lips together.
He waited for Remus to push him away, to remind him that it wasn’t the full moon, and that they shouldn’t be doing this.
It was therefore something of a surprise to find that Remus was kissing him back every bit as passionately as he did around the time of the full moon.
-
Chapter 50 - R version (edited)
Chapter 50 - NC-17 version (unedited - custom friends group only - details of how to join here)
Sirius knew that he should pull away, and stop this before they went any further, but he also knew that as soon as Remus was able to speak again, he would push him away and continue his denials.
Eventually, he knew he had to stop, and he pulled away from Remus and grabbed his trunk. Remus stood looking at him with a stunned expression on his face, and that was the last thing that Sirius saw before he apparated away with a crack.
Summary for the new readers watching my journal: An AU Remus/Sirius story set in a world where an eleven year old werewolf named Remus Lupin never got his Hogwarts invitation, and where Sirius Black was not accepted by the rest of the Gryffindors. The two outcasts form a friendship despite overwhelming odds, but will their friendship survive when Sirius finds himself falling in love with his best friend...his friend who wants nothing more than to be 'normal', despite the passion he feels for the heir to the Noble House of Black.
Disclaimer: I own nothing that you recognise. J K Rowling retains all copyright.
I’m the One You Need (PG15)
Remus had never asked Sirius for the full details of what had happened to him after he had left The Three Broomsticks. In truth, he hadn’t any need to do so.
When Remus had discovered that Sirius was missing, he had immediately enlisted the help of James and Peter. It was rather typical of the trio that they didn’t ask for help from the teachers, at least not at first.
The three sixth year boys had conferred amongst themselves and decided not to tell the staff that Sirius was missing until the next morning. Remus had flooed to his house in Hogsmeade, on the off chance that Sirius was there, and then he had sent Romulus to search the school. He hadn’t slept, and the next morning he knew he had no choice but to go and see Professor McGonagall.
Minerva McGonagall, always perfectly calm and composed, even in the worst sort of crisis, had immediately taken him to see Dumbledore.
Remus had merely been glad it was a Sunday, and that he didn’t have to go to lessons. He knew that he would never have been able to concentrate for more than a moment or two.
He was fairly sure that it had been the longest day of his life, and time had only seemed to move normally again after Dumbledore had told him that Sirius was safe. Remus had wanted to go and find Sirius immediately, but no amount of pleading had persuaded Dumbledore to tell him where Sirius was.
Instead, all he could do was count the days and hours to the next full moon, by which time Dumbledore had assured him that Sirius would return. He wasn’t sure that he believed him, but there was nothing he could do.
He took that time to feel very guilty over letting Sirius leave The Three Broomsticks without him. He was sure that whatever had happened could have been avoided, if only he had followed after him immediately; no matter that he had been only a few minutes behind him.
Through the days of Sirius’s absence, Remus had come to two very startling conclusions.
The first thing he had realised was that as the full moon neared, his mind was dwelling more and more on what he and Sirius had done during the morning after the last one. He still had lingering memories of the pain, but he also recalled the sensations that Sirius had managed to coax from his body… sensations and feelings that he wanted to feel again.
The second thing that he had realised was that he truly missed his best friend, and would do anything to have him back at his side again.
Now Sirius was back in school, and it was clear that he needed Remus’s support more than ever.
When Sirius had told him that a few of the lads had taken offence at his preferences, Remus had known immediately what had happened. He had seen the bruises for himself, and his heart clenched when he recalled them.
The gossip about Sirius being gay had spread through the school like wildfire, and as soon as he had returned the name-calling had started. Remus would have given anything to be able to silence every student who called Sirius a fag, a pouf or a queer, but there were far too many of them for him to take on them all. That wasn’t to say that he didn’t try. When Sirius had been hexed on his second morning back at school, the students involved all mysteriously ended up in the Hospital Wing with various painful ailments. No one could prove that it was Remus who had put them there, but Sirius knew who was responsible and was very grateful for his fiercely protective friend.
His best friend was back at his side, and Remus knew that that was where he was meant to be. Things between them were slowly working their way back to normal. They sat together in class again, they worked on their homework together, they played chess, cheered on the Gryffindor Gobstones champion, and things were very close to being much as they had been before the day that Sirius had kissed him.
There was really just one bone of contention between the two of them, and that was Charlene.
No matter how hard Remus tried, he could not get Sirius to accept that he liked her, and was not prepared to break up with her just because the wolf got a bit horny around the time of the full moon.
Remus knew that Sirius was working at breaking him down in this regard, but he was fighting a losing battle. While Remus might like the feelings that Sirius roused in him, he didn’t want to risk being mistaken for a pouf. He had already been attacked for being a werewolf, and he had no intention of giving the bullies that remained in the school the opportunity of setting on him for anything else.
He had asked Sirius whether the boys who had attacked him had been expelled, but Sirius had shaken his head. He wondered why not, but James had heard their discussion and his theory that it was because it wasn’t the school werewolf who was under attack unfortunately rang true. He didn’t like to think that he was getting special treatment, but there was no denying that it seemed to be the case. He was the only werewolf who had been allowed to attend Hogwarts in the entire history of the school… it really did say it all.
Still, he was determined that they wouldn’t get away with what they had done entirely, and he had used James’s invisibility cloak to creep into the Restricted Section behind Sirius in order to find the perfect way to get back at them. No simple hex would do for those boys; Remus was going to make them pay.
“Your work?” Sirius whispered as he watched them hobble out of the Great Hall a few mornings later.
Remus nodded. “I decided one hex wasn’t enough for them,” he whispered. “So, I combined a few of them. Not sure where the purple feathers came from though. Must have been from two or more of the spells reacting to each other.”
“I like their new voices,” Sirius replied. “Are they what I think they are?”
“Chicken cackles,” Remus confirmed. “Ganging up on you like that, bloody cowards!”
Sirius grinned as the last of his tormentors stumbled, almost drunkenly, into the doorframe. Remus chuckled and turned back to his breakfast. He didn’t tell Sirius that he had copied down even more spells from the Restricted Section, just in case the boys were foolish enough to try anything else.
He reached under the table and patted Sirius on his leg, trying to make it a casual supportive gesture, while wondering how long he could leave his hand there before Sirius would consider it something more. It felt nice to rest his hand on Sirius’s leg, nicer than he wanted to admit.
Now the full moon had passed and Sirius was back at school, Remus was already counting the days until the next one. He would never admit to anyone, not even himself, that for the first time since he had been bitten, it wasn’t only a case of counting the days because he had to and because he dreaded it. No, for the first time, Remus was counting the days to the full moon because he was eagerly anticipating the day when he could let Sirius touch him as he wanted him to.
The full moon was still more than a week away, but Remus was already more than eager for Sirius to take him in his mouth once more.
Remus was very confused and getting increasingly angry about his own lack of restraint. It was becoming obvious that he didn’t just want Sirius at the time of the full moons, but the closer the full moon was, the less control he seemed to have over his impulses. He wondered whether the wolf was taking him over, or whether it was the other way around. He didn’t know which thought scared him the most.
-o-xXx-o-
Sirius was hurrying down the corridor towards the Potions supply cupboard when he felt a hand grab his arm and found himself tugged into a darkened cupboard.
“What the hell?” he muttered, as his eyes adjusted to the darkness.
Then he felt a hand on the back of his neck and a pair of lips pressed against his own. He pulled back slightly. “Remus?”
Remus chuckled and pulled him close again. “Who else were you expecting?”
“I wasn’t expecting anyone,” Sirius pointed out. “Where are we?”
“One of Filch’s store cupboards.”
“Why?”
“Can’t you guess?” Remus teased.
Sirius drew in a sharp breath as Remus pressed himself closer. He felt the collar of his robes being pushed aside and then Remus was sucking on his neck. He felt a twinge of annoyance that Remus had taken the time to make sure that any mark he left would be safely hidden from the eyes of others. He still didn’t want anyone to know about what they were doing. Then again, he reasoned, perhaps it was best to be cautious about their relationship. Even if Remus hadn’t been stubbornly pleading his heterosexuality, Sirius didn’t really need any more attention from the bullies of the school.
Then he felt the evidence of how much Remus wanted him, and he knew he didn’t have the willpower to argue with him.
“Full moon tomorrow,” Remus gasped.
Sirius didn’t need reminding. It wasn’t like Remus would voluntarily touch him at any other time of the month.
“Don’t talk,” he whispered before pushing Remus up against the wall and kissing him fiercely.
He didn’t want to hear that it was Moony who wanted him.
He didn’t want to hear Remus’s denials again.
He wanted to feel Remus in his arms.
He wanted to taste his lips.
He wanted to hear Remus cry out in ecstasy as he came.
No matter the cost… he wanted Remus.
Sirius pulled Remus towards him, letting the other boy use him as a pillow as he lay sated on the dusty cupboard floor.
“Love you,” Sirius whispered.
Remus didn’t reply.
“Remus?”
“I’m so weak,” Remus mumbled.
“I hope you’re talking about being exhausted after what we’ve just done.”
“You know what I’m talking about.”
“Yeah, I guess I do,” Sirius replied. “So, this is what it comes down to, is it? You aren’t getting any from your girlfriend, so you’ll settle for me?”
“That’s not fair.”
“Isn’t it?”
“Charlie isn’t like that.”
“Like what? Easy, like me?”
“You’re not easy.”
“Aren’t I? Seems like it to me. You’re feeling horny; your girlfriend won’t put out, so you turn to me because you know I’ll go down on you in a heartbeat. You don’t even need to ask.”
“Oh, Sirius.” Remus sighed and hugged him tightly. “I’ve already explained about Moony and you seemed to accept it.”
“I understand what you said, but that doesn’t mean I accept what you’re telling me.”
Remus sat up and glared at Sirius. “If you’re going to be like this every time we’re together…”
“You’ll what?” Sirius snapped. “Deny Moony what he wants?”
“If I have to.”
“You know you won’t. You want me too badly to let this delusion you’re under stop us being together.”
“It’s not a delusion.”
“Seems like it to me. In case you hadn’t realised, I have needs, too. Maybe you can limit your urges to the three days around the full moon, but I can’t. I want you every day of the month. I love you.”
“I don’t have to give in to the wolf,” Remus pointed out quietly. “That I let him have you this much should be enough. Most blokes would hate the idea of another guy touching them… you know… down there.”
“Do you hate the idea of me touching you?” Sirius whispered.
“Moony…”
“No!” Sirius snapped. “I don’t want to hear about Moony. I want to know what Remus thinks. If I touch you next week would you like it? Or would you be repulsed by the very idea?”
“I…”
“I’ll want you next week, just as much as I want you right now. Probably even more as I’ll have spent nearly a week without you. Do you have any idea what it’s like to have all these feelings and not be able to act on them?”
“I guess I’ve been a bit selfish, huh?”
“A bit?” Sirius shook his head and laughed bitterly. “It sometimes seems like you’re using me. You take what you want, when you want it, and I just have to put up with it.”
“We never really talked about your needs, did we?” Remus murmured quietly. “I guess you’re probably thinking about getting a boyfriend or something.”
“No, I want you!”
“But since you can’t have me, perhaps you should look elsewhere? It would be great if you could find someone who won’t mind sharing you with Moony, but I’ll understand if you can’t. I don’t want you to have to choose between Moony and a potential boyfriend.”
“Whoa, wait a minute.” Sirius held up his hands and replayed the last few minutes of the conversation in his mind. “How did we get onto me getting a boyfriend? I don’t want a boyfriend. I want you!”
“You can have me,” Remus said. “Today, tomorrow and the day after that.”
“And then?” Sirius whispered.
“You always have to ruin things, don’t you?” Remus snapped as he pushed Sirius away. “You just can’t leave it alone.”
Sirius could tell that Remus was getting angry again. He didn’t want to fight, not any more. He reached out and took Remus’s hand in his own. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t want to fight.”
Remus nodded, appeased for the moment. “I’m kind of glad you don’t want a boyfriend actually,” he told him.
“Why?” Sirius asked, tempted to ask if he was jealous, but unwilling to risk angering Remus again.
“Because a boyfriend would want you every day of the month, and I wouldn’t get you at all,” Remus said.
“I’d choose you over anyone else,” Sirius whispered, leaning across to kiss him hard on the lips.
They slipped out of the cupboard, relieved to find that the corridor was empty. With not a soul in either direction, Sirius took the opportunity to take Remus’s hand in his own and squeeze it briefly.
“Don’t,” Remus whispered. “Not where someone might see.”
Sirius nodded and reluctantly released Remus’s hand. It was just how it was.
“What are we going to do during the summer?” he asked as they climbed onto one of the moving staircases.
“It’s not far away now,” Remus replied. “One more full moon and then we break up.”
Sirius tried not to read the double meaning of Remus’s words and concentrated instead on the problem at hand. “My father may let me visit, if he hasn’t heard about my perversions.”
“You’d have heard from him by now if he had,” Remus pointed out. “All the usual suspects who would tell tales to him have left Hogwarts now.”
“They’d probably write to my mother first,” Sirius added. “Good job she already knows.”
From the floor below they heard the sound of laughter and a call of “fag”.
Sirius watched Remus take a step away from him and reach for his wand with lightning reflexes. It was clear there would be two more for the hospital wing before the day was over. He hoped that by next year things would change. Most of his tormentors had been seventh years, and at least they would have left school when he returned.
“Charlie has agreed to stay away during the full moon again,” Remus commented as they continued up the stairs.
“Bloody good job,” Sirius muttered. “I don’t think she’d like seeing her boyfriend getting sucked off by another bloke.”
“You sound very sure that that’s going to happen,” Remus said.
“You saying it isn’t?” Sirius challenged. “You know that you’re still hard for me, even after what we’ve just done.”
“It’s the full moon.”
Sirius didn’t answer that. Instead, he took a detour to the prefects’ bathroom and tugged Remus inside. Remus didn’t pull away from him or argue with him. He simply gave himself over to Sirius, crying out repeatedly as he was pushed over the brink again and again.
Sirius didn’t believe it was the full moon that made Remus want him. He had caught sight of far too many longing looks from Remus at other times of the month. He had spotted the bulge in Remus’s trousers on far more days than the three surrounding the full moon. But, most encouraging of all, on the day that Moaning Myrtle had decided to camp out in the prefects’ bathroom, he had returned to the one down the corridor from the boys’ dormitory, and heard Remus crying out his name, just as he had done on the first night of the year.
He knew it couldn’t be a coincidence that on both of the two occasions he had used the regular bathroom, he had heard Remus pleasuring himself with thoughts of him. He had no doubt at all that this was something that Remus did on a regular basis, if only Remus would admit it to the both of them.
-o-xXx-o-
The summer holidays arrived in the middle of the worst heat wave in living memory.
Sirius had managed to persuade his parents to let him stay with Remus for the start of the holidays. Remus privately wondered if he had blackmailed them, but Sirius had assured him that that was not the case.
“Just the first week,” Sirius said as he read the letter. “Then I have to go back for the rest of the summer. They won’t let Regulus come either, they say he’s too young.”
“Do you have to stay in London for all the rest of the summer?” Remus asked.
“Don’t worry; my parents would never separate us during a full moon again,” Sirius promised him. “They say you can visit for the last week of the holidays, too.”
“They’ll let you stay for all three days, won’t they?” Remus asked, more concerned about the full moon than the end of the holidays.
Sirius smiled to himself, knowing exactly what it was that Remus was asking, without actually saying the words. “I can come on the day of the full moon, and they want me back by dinner the following night.”
Remus nodded. “Oh.”
“You won’t even miss me,” Sirius teased. “You’ll be too busy sorting out the house, making it liveable again.”
Remus didn’t reply for a long time. “I’ve decided to visit Greyback in the summer,” he finally announced. “If I arrange it for the day after the full moon, will you come with me?”
Sirius nodded. “Of course I will.”
Remus smiled with obvious relief and they turned back to their homework. Even though the end of term exams were over, the professors were not easing up on the N.E.W.T. students.
The lessons continued right up until the last day, and several students were despairing over finding the time to pack.
“It’s all right for you two,” Peter complained. “You can leave it until after the rest of the school has gone to the station tomorrow morning.”
“Yeah, isn’t it great?” Remus said, without looking up from the Quidditch magazine crossword he was presently struggling with. “Anyone know which member of the Cannons was knocked out for three weeks during the blatching incident of 1893, losing them the league cup for the first time in over two decades?”
“Was it McAdams?” James asked as he pulled several sets of robes from the wardrobe and threw them onto his bed.
“Doesn’t fit,” Remus replied as he chewed on his quill.
Remus turned to the next clue while the rest of the boys continued to pack. Sirius wasn’t trying too hard though, instead, he was crawling under the beds as he searched for various lost items.
“You aren’t still trying to find your spare tie, are you?” James asked.
“No, it was in the bathroom cabinet,” Sirius replied, his voice echoing from beneath Remus’s bed.
“What was it doing in there?”
“Who knows.”
“So, what have you lost now?”
“Just a magazine,” Sirius replied, his voice a shade too casual.
Remus stilled his quill and chewed his lip. He had forgotten all about the magazine he had found in Sirius’s trunk, and knew that it was still hidden beneath his mattress.
“You shouldn’t worry about it,” Peter advised. “The house elves will pick up anything you leave behind.”
“I know that,” Sirius muttered. “That’s why I need to find it. I don’t fancy starting off next term with a detention.”
“A detention?” Peter asked. “Why would you get a detention for forgetting a magazine? Unless it’s one of those…”
“Yeah,” Sirius interrupted. “It’s one of those magazines, except I can’t bloody find it. If the house elves find it, they’ll hand it in to the teachers with the rest of the lost property, and you know they’ll know who it belongs to.”
He crawled back out from under the bed, grabbed a shoe and threw it across the room at its owner. It was a direct hit and James rubbed his bruised forehead. “Is it the magazine you told me about?” he asked. “The muggle one with blokes in it?”
Sirius nodded. “It was in my trunk, I know it was. I’ve never taken it out of the damn trunk.”
“You haven’t?” Peter asked. “Then why bring it to school?”
“My mother caught me with them when I was in the middle of packing at the start of the year. She demanded I get them out of the house, so I shoved them in my trunk. I need to make sure they’re all hidden out of her sight, but I can’t find one of them.”
“Well, who else would have it?” Peter asked. “The three of us aren’t exactly into blokes.”
Sirius sighed and sat down on his bed. “I just don’t understand where it could have gone.”
The mystery of the missing magazine lingered for the rest of the day, and it still hadn’t re-appeared the next day when Peter and James said their goodbyes and went to join the rest of the students in the Entrance Hall. Remus went downstairs with them to say goodbye to Charlene, but Sirius chose to remain in the dormitory and search behind the more bulky items of furniture.
Sirius’s trunk was packed, but Remus’s belongings were still scattered around the room, when the main school left to catch the Hogwarts Express and Remus returned upstairs.
They were gathering things together when two house elves appeared in the dormitory to collect the bedding for the laundry. They quickly stripped the beds, leaving Remus’s, that still had several piles of clothes on it, until last.
Sirius spotted the magazine as the elves tugged the valance sheet from the bed. He turned to Remus, who had clearly spotted it, too, and saw the flush of embarrassment on his face.
“Should have guessed,” Sirius said as he pulled his magazine from its hiding place. “How long have you had this?”
“I’d forgotten about it until last night,” Remus admitted. “I couldn’t say anything in front of the others, you know that.”
“Yeah, I know,” Sirius replied, trying not to feel too smug at the knowledge that Remus had been sneaking looks at his magazines. “This one isn’t very good actually. I’ve a couple more in my trunk that are much better.”
“You do?”
Sirius hid his smile as best he could. “Actually, could you do me a favour?” he asked.
“What sort of favour?” Remus replied hesitantly.
“Would you keep all the magazines for me?” Sirius asked. “My mother will do her nut if she catches me with muggle magazines again. You could hide them at your place and she’d never know the difference.”
“But what if Charlie comes to visit and sees them?”
“Say they’re mine,” Sirius said with a shrug. “You wouldn’t be lying. Besides, if you put them in the study no one would ever know they were there. You could just hide them in with all the rest of the books and magazines.”
Remus nodded. “Okay. Pass them here and I’ll put them in my trunk.”
Sirius grinned as he retrieved the rest of the magazines from his own trunk and passed them across to Remus. He didn’t comment on Remus’s blush as he looked at the covers of the magazines, nor did he remark on how long Remus had looked at them before putting them away. But he noticed both of these things and stored them in his memory for future reference.
-o-xXx-o-
“Where do you think we should start?” Sirius asked after they had dumped their trunks in Remus’s living room and stocked up the larder with food purloined from the Hogwarts kitchens.
Remus shrugged and turned to Romulus. “Where do you suggest?”
Romulus looked at the stack of pots in the kitchen sink, some of which had been there for more than four months, and immediately suggested the kitchen.
Remus opened the cupboard, displaying the large array of remaining mismatched pots. “No need to do the kitchen just yet,” he said. “Next suggestion?”
“The pots,” Romulus repeated. “You’ll have things growing in the sink if you leave them much longer.”
“You’re just saying that,” Remus replied, clearly not bothered by the threat.
“I’m not just saying it,” Romulus said. “This is - and always has been - a home for witches and wizards, and it doesn’t pay to leave things lying around. You never know how things will react to the magic in the house.”
“Maybe we can get the old ghost up in the attic to do the cleaning?” Sirius suggested with a grin.
“Oh, that’s a great idea,” Romulus said, the faintest trace of sarcasm in his voice. “Do let me know when you go to ask her; I could do with a good laugh.”
“I’m going to start in the study,” Remus announced. “You coming, Sirius?”
Sirius nodded and the two of them set about beginning the task of putting the house back into some sort of an order again.
Remus seemed determined to avoid the kitchen sink, and after four days of not very subtle hinting by Romulus, Sirius finally decided to give it his best shot. It was that or trying to talk Remus into sorting out Romulus’s room, and he didn’t like the idea of attempting that again. Remus seemed to believe that if he simply left the room as it was Romulus would one day be able to use it again. Romulus had tried to persuade Remus to clean the room himself, pointing out that it had always been tidy when he was using it, but his pleas fell on deaf ears.
The week flew by faster than either boy could have imagined, and all too soon Sirius was sitting on his trunk, forcing it shut, and preparing to apparate to Grimmauld Place.
“You will come back for the full moon, won’t you?” Remus reminded him.
Sirius nodded.
“As soon as you can?” Remus added.
“As soon as I can escape my mother’s clutches,” Sirius promised with a grin.
“I’ll miss you,” Remus said as Sirius finally managed to strap the trunk shut.
Sirius’s smile lit up the room. “I’ll be back soon,” he said.
Remus’s lower lip was sticking out ever so slightly, his pout almost unnoticeable, although Sirius, who knew him better than anyone else, could see it quite clearly.
“I’ll see you on the full moon,” Romulus said, vanishing from the room with nod and a smile.
“Yeah, see you!” Sirius called, even though he suspected the ghost had gone where he could no longer hear him. He turned to Remus once more. “Are you going to be okay?” he asked.
Remus nodded and the lower lip jutted out just a little bit more.
Sirius knew he should leave well enough alone, but a small part of his brain told him to stuff it and he pulled Remus into his arms and pressed their lips together.
He waited for Remus to push him away, to remind him that it wasn’t the full moon, and that they shouldn’t be doing this.
It was therefore something of a surprise to find that Remus was kissing him back every bit as passionately as he did around the time of the full moon.
-
Chapter 50 - R version (edited)
Chapter 50 - NC-17 version (unedited - custom friends group only - details of how to join here)
Sirius knew that he should pull away, and stop this before they went any further, but he also knew that as soon as Remus was able to speak again, he would push him away and continue his denials.
Eventually, he knew he had to stop, and he pulled away from Remus and grabbed his trunk. Remus stood looking at him with a stunned expression on his face, and that was the last thing that Sirius saw before he apparated away with a crack.