(no subject)
I'm losing my mind. I really do mean that. It's not like "I'm stressed and it's over bearing." I'm literally going insane.
I've had to call off work the past two nights in a row because of related bullshit. I keep having instrusive thoughts about hurting myself and others. Yes, everyone does have violent thoughts from time to time, but these thoughts feel like someone else is trying to force me into doing it. It's like constantly arguing with some nonexistant entity inside my mind. I don't want to hurt anyone or myself, but the intruding thoughts are compeling me to.
I've been to several psychologists, therapists, and even a psychiatrist. Each of them has told me different things. "You're manic depressive," or "You're OCD" but none of them will prescribe me anything. It gets harder and harder every day to deal with.
Right now I'm taking some over the counter herbal remedy and it seems to be working. I just started it today and the thoughts have quieted down quite a bit. When the thoughts do arise I'm able to quiet them easily. I doubt the effects will last forever. I'm afraid I'm going to build up a tolerance to them before I get prescribed anything. If that happens I'm going to admit myself to a mental hospital.
I just don't understand why I have to put up with all of this shit. I've been traumatised enough already. I just want it to end.
I've had to call off work the past two nights in a row because of related bullshit. I keep having instrusive thoughts about hurting myself and others. Yes, everyone does have violent thoughts from time to time, but these thoughts feel like someone else is trying to force me into doing it. It's like constantly arguing with some nonexistant entity inside my mind. I don't want to hurt anyone or myself, but the intruding thoughts are compeling me to.
I've been to several psychologists, therapists, and even a psychiatrist. Each of them has told me different things. "You're manic depressive," or "You're OCD" but none of them will prescribe me anything. It gets harder and harder every day to deal with.
Right now I'm taking some over the counter herbal remedy and it seems to be working. I just started it today and the thoughts have quieted down quite a bit. When the thoughts do arise I'm able to quiet them easily. I doubt the effects will last forever. I'm afraid I'm going to build up a tolerance to them before I get prescribed anything. If that happens I'm going to admit myself to a mental hospital.
I just don't understand why I have to put up with all of this shit. I've been traumatised enough already. I just want it to end.