THANKS(for)GIVING me a new perspective
I don't even know how to start this post. Or what it's about really, other than the fact that I am seeing my life a little differently these days.
Let me backtrack slightly.
In general I find my life great. I don't have much to complain about. Things aren't perfect but I don't believe a life can truly be perfect if you believe that living is a process of growth and exploration and constantly learning, changing, adapting and loving (as I do).
But I've also found myself a little down lately because of how stagnant my life has been. Same job since I was 13, same friends, same arguments with my parents, same house, same city, same lack of a romantic life. All the while the lives of the people around me seem to be changing for the better. Thus, all this sameness has been getting to me a bit. Until a facebook message from Yuki & a coffee date with Ashley made me realize two very important things:
1. My life is something someone can be envious of.
2. My life is a story worth telling and a story worth living.
I don't mean envious in the "look at all the shiny shit I have" way. I mean envious in the "I've traveled the world, I have the freedom to do what I like, I have more friends than I know what to do with, and I am loved" way. I think sometimes it really helps to have someone say to you that from the outside your life looks like something worthwhile, so why not feel that way if you're living it.
It's so easy to get caught up in the everyday, in all the little things that go wrong and make us hurt, that sometimes we forget to look at the big picture. To see what it is that makes us and what shapes we've become. This processes of living means not only working diligently to make your life get to where you want it to go, but also realizing where all your hard work has gotten you.
Mine has gotten me here (yes still in the Valley, living in my parents house, working at Camp Encino & hanging out with the same people I hung out with a decade ago), but a here filled with amazing people and with the option to travel to amazing places. A here that means I now run that camp. And a here that allows me to pick up the phone and make plans with a different wonderful person each night.
So this new life perspective comes from being able to see that. And also from being able to see that this life works for me. That not being tied down to anything --or anyone-- is in a way, a big part of what makes me happy.
Realization number 2 is also an idea stolen from To Write Love on Her Arms. In catching Ashley up on my life and listening to stories about hers, I realized that having all these amazing friends from different chapters of my life means that people care about what I have to say and what's going on with me. My life may not be nightly news worthy, but it's definitely coffee date worthy. And I might not have that do-or-die/ Bonnie & Clyde friendship with anyone anymore, but I have a ton of other friendships that are magnificent in their own way. That allow me to grow through my own actions and to experience the growth of others.
Thanksgiving just passed and I spent it overwhelmed with everything I have to be thankful for. And along with the usual things, this year I am thankful for this new perspective and for the ability to be happy with where I am in life. It might not be perfection, but being able to explore who I am and learn and grow from it is the perfect place for me right now.
"I'm starting to believe those things, that the best is yet to be, that life comes back, that the dreams that live inside me are there for a reason, that life is not just a tragedy, not just a story about losing. It is also a story of surprises and grace and hope coming back, of conversations and moments that feel like miracles." - Jamie Tworkowski TWLOHA
Let me backtrack slightly.
In general I find my life great. I don't have much to complain about. Things aren't perfect but I don't believe a life can truly be perfect if you believe that living is a process of growth and exploration and constantly learning, changing, adapting and loving (as I do).
But I've also found myself a little down lately because of how stagnant my life has been. Same job since I was 13, same friends, same arguments with my parents, same house, same city, same lack of a romantic life. All the while the lives of the people around me seem to be changing for the better. Thus, all this sameness has been getting to me a bit. Until a facebook message from Yuki & a coffee date with Ashley made me realize two very important things:
1. My life is something someone can be envious of.
2. My life is a story worth telling and a story worth living.
I don't mean envious in the "look at all the shiny shit I have" way. I mean envious in the "I've traveled the world, I have the freedom to do what I like, I have more friends than I know what to do with, and I am loved" way. I think sometimes it really helps to have someone say to you that from the outside your life looks like something worthwhile, so why not feel that way if you're living it.
It's so easy to get caught up in the everyday, in all the little things that go wrong and make us hurt, that sometimes we forget to look at the big picture. To see what it is that makes us and what shapes we've become. This processes of living means not only working diligently to make your life get to where you want it to go, but also realizing where all your hard work has gotten you.
Mine has gotten me here (yes still in the Valley, living in my parents house, working at Camp Encino & hanging out with the same people I hung out with a decade ago), but a here filled with amazing people and with the option to travel to amazing places. A here that means I now run that camp. And a here that allows me to pick up the phone and make plans with a different wonderful person each night.
So this new life perspective comes from being able to see that. And also from being able to see that this life works for me. That not being tied down to anything --or anyone-- is in a way, a big part of what makes me happy.
Realization number 2 is also an idea stolen from To Write Love on Her Arms. In catching Ashley up on my life and listening to stories about hers, I realized that having all these amazing friends from different chapters of my life means that people care about what I have to say and what's going on with me. My life may not be nightly news worthy, but it's definitely coffee date worthy. And I might not have that do-or-die/ Bonnie & Clyde friendship with anyone anymore, but I have a ton of other friendships that are magnificent in their own way. That allow me to grow through my own actions and to experience the growth of others.
Thanksgiving just passed and I spent it overwhelmed with everything I have to be thankful for. And along with the usual things, this year I am thankful for this new perspective and for the ability to be happy with where I am in life. It might not be perfection, but being able to explore who I am and learn and grow from it is the perfect place for me right now.
"I'm starting to believe those things, that the best is yet to be, that life comes back, that the dreams that live inside me are there for a reason, that life is not just a tragedy, not just a story about losing. It is also a story of surprises and grace and hope coming back, of conversations and moments that feel like miracles." - Jamie Tworkowski TWLOHA