The Morning After...
Oh my goodness. So, anyone want to guess where I woke up this morning? No? Well let me tell you. I woke up in the Room of Requirement, nude and cuddled in Alex's arms. And you wanna know something else? I feel better this morning then I have in weeks. Alex was simply...amazing. I had no idea it would be like that. I thought that with the whole getting dumped thing and still being a bit well, hurt, that I wouldn't be able to go through with it or that I would compare him to Sirius. But I didn't have any hang ups about it. None whatsoever. Maybe it was because Alex was so tender and attentive? Maybe it was because of the fact that Sirius awoke in me a desire I had never known existed? Sirius ignited something inside, and yet never chose to explore the possibilities. He'd rather think me easy and sluttish. So be it. For the first time since last Saturday, I had no thoughts of him at all. Being with Alex last night wiped out his face and his hurtful words for many blissful hours. I knew Alex would be good for me.
Alex seems to wear his heart right on his sleeve and has no problems telling me how he feels. Maybe last night was so good because I was able to just enjoy him and not have to worry about what he was thinking; if he cared about me or if he was just a horny 18 year old. I don't know. Maybe I should stop trying to analyze it and just be thankful that I was able to be free and enjoy myself.
I really expected to feel the pang of remorse this morning. But it never came. Maybe that is because of the way things ended with Sirius. Maybe it's because I know, deep down, that I will always love him and I have accepted it and realize that I have to wait to be with him and that that knowledge let me be content and helped me to concentrate on the fabulous man in whose arms I awoke this morning?
Alex, last night was shear bliss. Thank you. Thank you for everything.