what am i doing?
im at work again.
i just deleted my xanga, trying to get rid of everything i know about high school in general, i think.
it is freezing in here, and being at the gym just reminds me that i should be working out so much more than i am. however, the past week and half have not been conducive to me doing that in the slightest, between work, exams, and tai trying to break up with me. aaaaaagggh.
let me get back to that. tai wanted to break up with me because i have a problem with him not wanting me to meet his parents. its not necessarily that i want to meet them or whatever, its that he has a problem with me meeting them, and i wanted to know what that problem was. i mean, we've been dating for over a year and a half, and his issues with commitment continue to puzzle me. his answer to that problem, of course, was that it would just be so much easier to break up with me. i did not accept that as a reason to break up. thats cowardice and he needs to grow some balls. period. if he can throw things off so easily, he should never get involved with anyone. at all. ever. especially not me.
and the comment about how "commitment has nothing to do with love." are you kidding me? commitment has everthing to do with love. full. of. shit.
this has to be my favorite comment of the whole ordeal, probably because it will stick with me for a really long time --- "your weight is an issue"
excuse me? what did you just say?
my weight has not been an issue for the last year in a half. i, for one, do not think i am some obese, inactive lump of slimy fat. i have started to lose weight for myself, losing 6 pounds in the last 2 and a half weeks. for myself.
no man should ever tell me that. a man that loves me should tell me that i am beautiful no matter what. and dont tell me to lose weight when i am already trying, because seriously, that is the most f*'ed up thing ever.
damn it. i got so upset. and i understood the context that his comments were under, so they weren't entirely directed to hurt me. but they did and here i am, pondering my life and what shall become of it.
nevertheless, we're still together.
i refused to let a relationship that i have put so much effort in fall apart like that. it seems to be working out for the past, oh, 2 days so far.
i ran 2 miles outside on sunday and pretty much almost broke out into tears.
you know, i have so much to do, and so much that i could be doing, and i find it ridiculous that all i have been doing for the last 2 hours is screwing around online. i cant help it, my brain is on overload, and i really just want to fall asleep for a couple of years. however, the research abstract that i have to get done this week is calling my name from my backpack, notes have to be typed, and the brain has to be studied for an anatomy practical that i'd rather not study for. boo. on top of the meetings this week and the constant thoughts of...i have no idea what im going to be doing next year. and i wish i did. and i wish it involved med school.
im guessing i better get started.
may the force be with you.
i just deleted my xanga, trying to get rid of everything i know about high school in general, i think.
it is freezing in here, and being at the gym just reminds me that i should be working out so much more than i am. however, the past week and half have not been conducive to me doing that in the slightest, between work, exams, and tai trying to break up with me. aaaaaagggh.
let me get back to that. tai wanted to break up with me because i have a problem with him not wanting me to meet his parents. its not necessarily that i want to meet them or whatever, its that he has a problem with me meeting them, and i wanted to know what that problem was. i mean, we've been dating for over a year and a half, and his issues with commitment continue to puzzle me. his answer to that problem, of course, was that it would just be so much easier to break up with me. i did not accept that as a reason to break up. thats cowardice and he needs to grow some balls. period. if he can throw things off so easily, he should never get involved with anyone. at all. ever. especially not me.
and the comment about how "commitment has nothing to do with love." are you kidding me? commitment has everthing to do with love. full. of. shit.
this has to be my favorite comment of the whole ordeal, probably because it will stick with me for a really long time --- "your weight is an issue"
excuse me? what did you just say?
my weight has not been an issue for the last year in a half. i, for one, do not think i am some obese, inactive lump of slimy fat. i have started to lose weight for myself, losing 6 pounds in the last 2 and a half weeks. for myself.
no man should ever tell me that. a man that loves me should tell me that i am beautiful no matter what. and dont tell me to lose weight when i am already trying, because seriously, that is the most f*'ed up thing ever.
damn it. i got so upset. and i understood the context that his comments were under, so they weren't entirely directed to hurt me. but they did and here i am, pondering my life and what shall become of it.
nevertheless, we're still together.
i refused to let a relationship that i have put so much effort in fall apart like that. it seems to be working out for the past, oh, 2 days so far.
i ran 2 miles outside on sunday and pretty much almost broke out into tears.
you know, i have so much to do, and so much that i could be doing, and i find it ridiculous that all i have been doing for the last 2 hours is screwing around online. i cant help it, my brain is on overload, and i really just want to fall asleep for a couple of years. however, the research abstract that i have to get done this week is calling my name from my backpack, notes have to be typed, and the brain has to be studied for an anatomy practical that i'd rather not study for. boo. on top of the meetings this week and the constant thoughts of...i have no idea what im going to be doing next year. and i wish i did. and i wish it involved med school.
im guessing i better get started.
may the force be with you.