Dec 16, 2004 21:03
whats going on yall. Well alicia and i broke up, not the first time. She broke up w/ me cuz she doesnt want to deal w/ me parents, i was kinda confused on that one, but she can do what ever she wants. But this time when she broke up with me it felt different, it felt like shes never comming back. Yea i fucked up with my grades, but she knew that she was going to half to deal with not seeing me, and now all the sudden she decides to quit. Im truly sorry that i fucked up, she thinks it was cuz i didnt care, i just kept on putting it off and b4 i knew it, it was the end of the marking period and there was nothing i could do. Then this marking period i thought i was doing good, but come to find out i wasnt, i was so disapointed in myself, i honestly didnt know what happened. I miss her, i need her, im sorry for all the times that i have fucked up. Im a fuck up, and i dont want alicia to be with a fuck up. I want her to be happy, and if that includes her not being with me then fine. I know if i see her w/ another boy its gonna hurt big time, its gonna hurt like a bitch. But i want her to be happy. I feel comfortabe writing in my journal, cuz i know no one is going to read it, alicia is not going to read it, and if she is, then im sorry babe, i want you to be happy, you dont deserve me, you are sposed to have better. After all that you been thru with ur family, im sorry, im sorry that i hurt you, im sorry that i messed up, im sorry that i let yo down. And i just wanted to say i love you, i love you so much, i know for sure that i will love you and remember you for the rest of my life. I feel so bad for every thing that i have ever done to you. i cheated on you w/ candice, witch was the biggest mistake of my life, actually the biggest mistake was even dating candice. I wish that i never dated her. And it makes me so mad when alicia brings her up. Shes in the past, shes old news, i can give a shit less about her. I have not a sigle care for her and what she does. I dont even think about her at all. She is nothing to me. I was thinking today, where is alicia? And i thought what if she killed herself cuz she was saying she wanted to. I never got to say i love you to her. I didnt get to kiss her. I didnt get to hear her voice. We would have ended on such a bad note. If it would have happened i dont know what i would hae done. I would have been heartbroken. I love you alicia, i want you in my life, i need you in my life. Im sorry for all the shit i have done to you. Please dont stop being my friend. Im sorry. I love you.