Ouran Host Club - It's All About the Magic
Title: It's All About the Magic
Fandom: Ouran High School Host Club
Characters: The whole club, Renge.
Rating: PG
Words: 3320
Summary: After Tamaki read Howl's Moving Castle, everything went downhill. Renge kidnaps Haruhi and the Club's King has to fight a cave troll.
Spoilers: For Ouran, only if you don't know Renge. For Howl's..., there are implied spoilers for the book's ending.
Notes:
1) Besides the Howl's... references, you'll find a couple to Dragonlance and Lord of the Rings.
2) I blame m36u_ch4n, allira_dream, amewarashi, and my insane amount of free time today for this.
Haruhi entered the Third Music Room to find anything but that. She wasn't surprised at all; she would be the moment that place look something remotely similar to an actual Music Room. Thus, she only sighed when the Host Club's King, dressed with a long-sleeved gray-and-scarlet suit, grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into what seemed to be an old and dusty kitchen in Somewhere, Europe.
"If he says this is how normal people lives currently in Europe-" Haruhi thought, but Tamaki interrupted her before she could finish the idea.
"Oh, my sweet daughter!" he exclaimed. "How keen of you to show up at this precise moment!" He turned his head. "Is her costume ready, mom?" he asked.
"Will be in a moment, dad," Kyouya answered. He was wearing a black dress with what looked like diamonds (and knowing this people, they probably were) sewn all over it, a long-haired chestnut brown wig, and a wide hat with an ostrich plume dyed black. This didn't surprise Haruhi either, just made her wonder what she was going to have to wear.
"Haru-chan! Haru-chan!" Hunny yelled jumping on the girl's back. This did surprise her, but only because of the sudden act. "Look! I'm a magic apprentice!" Hunny said parading in front of Haruhi; his clothes seemed pretty normal, if outdated. More like a merchant would've worn a couple of centuries ago in Europe.
A big figure stood up next to Hunny. Haruhi looked up to see Mori; he was some sort of... scarecrow? His clothes were rags with straw coming out from the sleeves and his face was painted white.
Haruhi raised an eyebrow, willing to ask what the heck Tamaki was planing. But her question was interrupted as soon as she opened her mouth.
"Done!" the twins said, jumping gracefully all over the room until they reached the middle of the room. Their costumes were the most elaborated of them all, like if they weren't portraying humans, but a formless mass of a green, blue, orange, and red... something. They were holding a modest gray dress which they offered to Haruhi.
"Magnificent!" Tamaki said while Haruhi inspected the dress.
"Magnificent?" Haruhi asked. "My _commoner_ clothes are far better than this."
"Oh, no, no, no," Tamaki said, arms open wide. "This is for your character of today."
"Huh?"
"You'll see, Haruhi," Kyouya said. "I made the mistake of allowing Tamaki near Renge's British literature collection."
Haruhi made a face. "What?"
"Oh, I am surprised myself that Renge can read something without pictures," Kyouya said pushing his glasses up. "This particular story seems to be about the retelling of fairy tales. Look, I'm a witch..."
"Don't you say..." Haruhi mumbled.
"...Mori-senpai is the magical scarecrow..."
Mori confirmed this fact through grunting.
"...Hunny-senpai is the magic student..."
"That's right!" Hunny said, hovering his fingers over Usa-chan, as if trying to spell the stuffed bunny.
"...Hikaru and Kaoru are fire demons..."
"We'll burn ya!" the twins chorused, ominously.
"I," Tamaki interrupted, passing his arm flamboyantly over Haruhi's shoulders, "am the incredibly handsome wizard!" He made a dramatic pause before adding "And you, my lovely daughter, are the mousie hatter, who is in fact a powerful witch on her own and the main character's -mine- love interest!"
"I'll pass," Haruhi said, dryly.
"But..." Tamaki said, wibbling.
"You want me to wear a dress, Tamaki-senpai. Customers will notice something."
"She's right, you know?" Kyouya said.
One could almost see Tamaki's shattered dreams scattered on the floor.
"Does that mean I won't be learning to conjure up cakes?" Hunny asked, big eyes peering from behind Usa-chan.
Mori picked Hunny up and took him to an empty table. Once there, Mori covered the table with a mantelpiece he took from another, took it away with a sudden movement and, presto! There was cake!
The whole club clapped.
"I think Mori-senpai should be the wizard," Kaoru said.
Tamaki didn't take that comment well. "I am the Club's King!" he argued.
"What good is a wizard who can't do magic?" Hikaru asked.
"I can do magic!" Tamaki exclaimed. He began to dial up numbers frantically on his cellphone.
"You need to do magic without a big infrastructure behind you, milord," Kaoru said, but was ignored.
"By the way, Kyouya-senpai, where's Renge?" Haruhi asked. "If that was her book, she should be around as a character, shouldn't she?"
"Oh, yes," Kyouya said, smiling. "She's my fire demon. She's in my castle," he explained, making a vague movement with his hand, indicating that his "castle" -whatever that might be- was far, far away.
"You are mean, Kyouya-senpai," Haruhi said, taking a small step away from Kyouya.
"Listen up, my fellow club members!" Tamaki said; his phone call was over. "This very evening, in this very room, I will prove that I can do magic!"
The twins clapped. Hunny ate cake. Mori washed his face. Kyouya wrote something on that notebook of his. Haruhi wondered in what kind of disaster she was going to end up that evening.
"You need to go away on the meantime," Tamaki said, starting by pushing the twins out the Music Room. "My team will arrive soon."
"That's cheating," Hikaru said, but was ignored.
-
Hours later, the Club members minus their president plus almost the entirety of the school's female population, were finally allowed back in the Third Music Room. Now it didn't look like an old kitchen; it resembled an scenario from Las Vegas Haruhi had seen on television. Complete with fountains and colored lights on the sides and thick black courtains on the background.
The lights went off. Then, a spotlight illuminated a thin figure on the stage. It was Kyouya. On a tuxedo.
"How did he get up there?" Haruhi asked; a few moments ago, Kyouya was sitting down right next to her and she didn't notice him leaving.
"Ladies and gentlemen," Kyouya said reading from cue cards. "It's my pleasure to welcome you to the greatest show you'll ever see! This evening, our very own Souh Tamaki will amaze us with his fearless heart and wonderful magic you've only dreamed of. Now, without further ado, I give you Tamaki the Magnificent!"
"So original," mumbled Haruhi. Both Hikaru and Kaoru agreed.
There was a small explosion and some smoke where Kyouya was standing. When the smoke went away, Kyouya had been replaced by Tamaki on a white tuxedo.
"I only hope he'd practiced enough," Kyouya's voice said next to Haruhi. He was wearing the school's uniform.
She jumped. "How did you-?"
"Shh! The show's about to begin," Kyouya said.
The show's first half was relatively normal; Tamaki made card tricks, played with handkerchiefs and sawed a member of the public in half. The last one almost caused an incident, though, when Hunny was rejected for being too small. Fortunately, Mori could confort him by making Usa-chan appear from behind the small blond's ear.
"For my final act," Tamaki said an hour after the show had begun, "I'll ask Fujioka Haruhi to come up on the stage with me."
A blue-ish spotlight was over Haruhi before she could react one way or another. The public roared, mainly those who were the natural rookie's fans. Haruhi was about to decline the invitation when Kaoru and Hikaru carried her to where their lord was waiting.
"What are you planing, Tamaki-senpai?" Haruhi asked, half irritated, half nervous.
"I, Tamaki the Magnificent, am going to make you, Fujioka Haruhi, the genius commoner, fly!" Tamaki waved his hands while answering. "You'll taste freedom, soaring all over the stage and over our respectable audience's heads!"
The respectable audience was thrilled. Yet, Haruhi wanted to hit Tamaki's not-so-respectable head with one of her father's high-heel shoes.
Tamaki proceeded to praise the noble and ancient quest Man had been on, searching a way to fly by himself, without the aid of machines. Meanwhile, two short men dressed head to toes on black hurried over from nowhere and harnessed Haruhi with thin ropes that went all the way to the roof.
"Oh, so that's how they do it..." Haruhi thought. It made sense: since the stage's background was all black, and Tamaki was dressed in white and talked distracting the public, nobody would notice this men.
Haruhi felt somewhat disappointed. Tamaki's act was really colorful, but there was more magic in Mori's simpler tricks.
"And now," Tamaki said, standing up behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "The moment all of you've been waiting for!" Slowly, he released Haruhi's shoulders and the ropes pulled her up. It was disconcerting, and the girl's (and Hunny's) screaming made it worst. Haruhi was dragged around the room like a rag doll.
Was this the freedom Tamaki mentioned? Made her glad she hadn't finished her lunch.
The audience, however, was still thrilled.
It ended soon, though not soon enough. The men in black took off the harness from Haruhi while Tamaki approved of her courage, and the show ended ten minutes later.
-
"So, what do you say now?" Tamaki asked the next day, moving some hair from his eyes's way with a graceful movement. Behind him, his staff was dismounting the stage.
"That was cheating," Hikaru and Kaoru said.
"Even Haruhi thinks so," Kaoru added. The twins had placed themselves on each of Haruhi's sides.
Tamaki looked at her. She took a moment to answer. This delay made him go to curl up in a corner.
"Um... Tamaki-senpai," Haruhi said, trying to fix some of the damage. "The show was really impressive (Tamaki's head raised), but... (he lowered it again) was all this equipment really necessary?"
Tamaki's corner darkened and mushrooms began to grow.
"Mom, our daughter thinks daddy's equipment is unnecessary," he moaned.
"Daddy's equipment will always be necessary," Kyouya said. "But even I have to agree: this was all too much."
Tamaki's figure was barely visible among the shadows.
"The profit was really good, though," Kyouya said after a quick glance to his calculator.
"Besides, milord," Hikaru said, "we challenged you to do magic, not to pull up a whole festival."
Kaoru nodded at his brother's words.
There was a chilling draft coming from Tamaki's corner.
"You don't have to feel like that, Tamaki-senpai," Haruhi said. "Every one of us has at least one unique talent."
Tamaki came forward, mushrooms flying all over, and held Haruhi's hands. "Really?"
"Yes," she said.
"And what's mine?" he asked with big, puppy eyes.
"Well, you... ah... you can... uh...."
The club's king went back to the Corner of Solitude.
Haruhi sighed. Kyouya commented about the mushroom market. Mori made a real bunny appear from his bare hands to Hunny's delight. The twins plotted something. Renge entered the room. She was still wearing the fire demon costume.
"Oh, yes! I knew I had forgotten something," Kyouya said, pushing his glasses up his nose.
"You are really mean, Kyouya-senpai," Haruhi said.
"Kyaaa~!" Renge exclaimed. "This is the time when I come and steal the wizard's heart, right?"
"Eh, we're not-" began Kaoru, but Kyouya interrupted.
"Actually, yes, this is the time," he said.
"Fine, then!" Renge said, pushing her sleeves up. She went towards the twins and stopped right before grabbing Kaoru's butt. "It was supposed to be below, wasn't it?" she asked.
"Actually, they don't have it anymore; we improvised," Kyouya explained.
"Oh," Renge said. "Who has it, then? Or has my role changed too?"
"It's changed, slightly," Kyouya said. He whispered something on Renge's ear.
The girl's face lightened and made more than one of the club members shiver. "I'll be right back!" said the girl with a wink and left.
That couldn't be good, thought Haruhi.
She was right.
-
Renge returned less than ten minutes later, this time through the floor, using her high-power motor and laughing maniaticaly. She was dressed with something far more practical than the fire demon costume, but just as disturbing. She was wearing a dress pretty much similar to the one Kyouya wore the day before, but with rubies instead of diamonds and without the wide hat. She also held a staff made of rough wood with a sphere on a dragon's claw on the top.
"I am the witch! I've come for the wizard's heart!" she proclaimed. "I'm actually good, but I act as evil because shadow characters with dubious motives are the most interesting!" she added, as an aside.
"And who has it?" Hikaru asked.
"He has it!" Renge exclaimed, pointing at Haruhi.
"Me?" Haruhi asked, pointing at herself.
"He took it for safe keeping!" Renge said.
"Aaahh!" the twins chorused.
"And now I'm going to take it off!" Renge said.
"Off?" Haruhi asked, blinking.
"Off," Renge said. "No-one can live with two hearts!" Renge jumped off from her platform, took Haruhi's arm and made her jump back. Then, the high-power motor started and took both Renge and Haruhi out the room.
----
"What's going to happen now?" Hunny asked.
"Dunno," Mori answered.
"The wizard has to save his love interest," Kyouya said. He went to Tamaki's corner and shook him. "If you don't save her, Renge'll find out Haruhi's a girl."
"Eh?" Tamaki asked; he didn't pay much attention to Renge's act.
"Renge's going to pretend to take off the wizard's heart from the love interest's chest, and to do that, she'll have to take Haruhi's shirt off," Kyouya said.
Tamaki jumped, forgetting his depression. "We can't let her!" he screamed. "We have to rescue our daughter, mom! Where has Renge taken her to?"
"To the dungeons," Kyouya said.
"There are dungeons in Ouran?" Kaoru asked, but nobody answered.
The Host Club members prepared themselves to the rescue mission, going back to the costumes from the book, except for Hikaru and Kaoru, who had changed theirs into something more comfortable, Kyouya, who now was wearing something similar to Tamaki's costume, but blue-and-silver, and Mori, who -politely- refused to paint his face white again.
"Which way to the dungeons, mom?" Tamaki asked.
"Down the stairs, to the basement," Kyouya answered.
And there they ran. And they gathered a bunch of girls who glued to them like flies to honey. And then they got to the basement. The girls kept a distance, watching curiously the scene that developed in front of their eyes.
The basement had an eerie feeling unknown to those who had been there before. Spider webs had been artificially added, as well as torches that were the only light. Water drops could be heard falling on the floor, and the moist and cold on the air made the girls form tight groups. Hunny hugged Mori's leg, and Tamaki was about to do the same with Kyouya's.
"Are there any monsters on the way, Kyouya-senpai?" Hikaru asked, really near to Kaoru.
"I don't know," Kyouya said. "That was up to Renge."
Soon, the question was answered. A big mechanic -yet detailed- troll came forward. Screams filled the corridor.
Mori tried to move and attack the troll, but Kyouya stopped him.
"Tamaki needs to do this," he said, and pushed the club's king towards the monster.
Tamaki didn't have a sword, nor any kind of weapon. He asked for one, but his request was denied, since he was a wizard and couldn't use other weapons than his magic.
Tamaki gulped. The troll looked down at him and raised its club.
"Come on, milord!" Kaoru cheered.
"You can do it!" Hikaru exclaimed.
Tamaki gulped a second time. He barely had time to duck the troll's club when it decided to hit. Luckily, the thing was too slow.
There was some struggle, with Tamaki scurrying between the troll's legs and avoiding to be hit by the apparently heavy club. The troll moved its big mass around to keep up with its pray when, suddenly, it stopped.
"What happened?" Kyouya asked over the chattering noise behind him.
"I unplugged it," Tamaki said. There was smugness on his voice. "Now, let's go and rescue Haruhi!"
"We can't come through," Hikaru said. "The troll is blocking the way."
"What?" Tamaki yelled.
"We can't come through. The troll is blocking the way," Kaoru repeated.
"I heard it the first time!" Tamaki said. "Are you sure you can't come in?" he whimpered.
"Yes," Kyouya said. "I don't think that even Hunny-senpai can go through this."
"No, I can't, Tama-chan," Hunny said. "There's no enough space. I'm really sorry."
Mori patted Hunny's head.
"You are on your own, Tamaki," Kyouya said. "And you must hurry up; there's no way to know if the witch already knows Haruhi's secret."
The girls in the back began to chatter excitedly again. Haruhi-kun had a secret! And the Host Club's King, Tamaki-sama, was to risk his live to protect him from an evil witch! Ah, the friendship they shared, truly a thing to cherish deeply and remember for generations to come!
The girls cooed and awed and Kyouya was glad he'd put cameras inside the basement.
----
Tamaki walked down the corridor; he was already half way through it when he left his companions. There was no more monsters, though, and he arrived in a very short time to an imposing gate carved in a familiar way. Fortunately, he had already seen the movies, and knew the answer to the riddle.
The gate opened. Tamaki breathed heavily; Haruhi's fate was on his hands, and he was not going to let her down.
The base- The dungeon's only light was, like the corridor's, a few torches distributed in strategical places. In the middle, there was a stone altar, and Haruhi -thank goodness, with her uniform still on- was tied up to it, spread eagle. Renge was behind the altar, her staff raised over her head.
"Welcome, wizard, I was waiting for you!" she said. "You've come to rescue your friend, but I must tell you, in doing so, you'll only doom yourself!"
"I've sworn to protect Haruhi's secret!" Tamaki said, pointing at Renge with a finger. "Nothing, not even death, will stop me!"
"Couldn't you just untie me and finish this stupid game for good?" Haruhi asked, but was ignored.
"I can't let you do it, wizard," Renge said. "For this I have sworn to the highest powers!"
"That'd be Kyouya-senpai, wouldn't it?" Haruhi said.
"Haruhi will come back to the surface with me, untouched," Tamaki said.
"He'll go back with you, allright," Renge said. "But not before I've taken your heart away from his chest!" Renge then reached out to Haruhi's chest.
Haruhi panicked and tried to move away, but she couldn't; the knots were well made.
Tamaki rushed to stop Renge to discover Haruhi's secret. He barely made it; both he and Renge fell backwards on the floor. They struggled for the upper hand until the real lights of the room were turned on, taking them out of their characters.
"That'd be enough, I think," Kyouya said.
Mori approached to the altar to release Haruhi from it.
"Awww!" Renge complained. "I was having so much fun... I still want my payment, though," she said with a lovely smile.
"Payment?" Haruhi asked, rubbing her wrists.
"Kyo-chan promised Renge-chan unlimited access to his family's new videogame development branch if she went along with this," Hunny explained with a huge grin.
"Why am I not surprised?" Haruhi sighed. Suddenly, she was lifted from where she was standing and not much later she found herself in Tamaki's tight embrace.
"Ah, my sweet, sweet daughter! I made it! I gave you back your freedom!"
"Milord, I don't think Haruhi'd be able to enjoy her freedom if you don't let her breathe soon," Kaoru said.
"Now that this is over, we should head back to the Music Room," Kyouya said. "I have a lot of work to do editing all of today's and yesterday's taped material."
"Why am I not surprised?" Haruhi moaned. At least, she hoped, being kidnapped and tied to an altar surely helped a lot on her debt, right?
Right?
Fandom: Ouran High School Host Club
Characters: The whole club, Renge.
Rating: PG
Words: 3320
Summary: After Tamaki read Howl's Moving Castle, everything went downhill. Renge kidnaps Haruhi and the Club's King has to fight a cave troll.
Spoilers: For Ouran, only if you don't know Renge. For Howl's..., there are implied spoilers for the book's ending.
Notes:
1) Besides the Howl's... references, you'll find a couple to Dragonlance and Lord of the Rings.
2) I blame m36u_ch4n, allira_dream, amewarashi, and my insane amount of free time today for this.
Haruhi entered the Third Music Room to find anything but that. She wasn't surprised at all; she would be the moment that place look something remotely similar to an actual Music Room. Thus, she only sighed when the Host Club's King, dressed with a long-sleeved gray-and-scarlet suit, grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into what seemed to be an old and dusty kitchen in Somewhere, Europe.
"If he says this is how normal people lives currently in Europe-" Haruhi thought, but Tamaki interrupted her before she could finish the idea.
"Oh, my sweet daughter!" he exclaimed. "How keen of you to show up at this precise moment!" He turned his head. "Is her costume ready, mom?" he asked.
"Will be in a moment, dad," Kyouya answered. He was wearing a black dress with what looked like diamonds (and knowing this people, they probably were) sewn all over it, a long-haired chestnut brown wig, and a wide hat with an ostrich plume dyed black. This didn't surprise Haruhi either, just made her wonder what she was going to have to wear.
"Haru-chan! Haru-chan!" Hunny yelled jumping on the girl's back. This did surprise her, but only because of the sudden act. "Look! I'm a magic apprentice!" Hunny said parading in front of Haruhi; his clothes seemed pretty normal, if outdated. More like a merchant would've worn a couple of centuries ago in Europe.
A big figure stood up next to Hunny. Haruhi looked up to see Mori; he was some sort of... scarecrow? His clothes were rags with straw coming out from the sleeves and his face was painted white.
Haruhi raised an eyebrow, willing to ask what the heck Tamaki was planing. But her question was interrupted as soon as she opened her mouth.
"Done!" the twins said, jumping gracefully all over the room until they reached the middle of the room. Their costumes were the most elaborated of them all, like if they weren't portraying humans, but a formless mass of a green, blue, orange, and red... something. They were holding a modest gray dress which they offered to Haruhi.
"Magnificent!" Tamaki said while Haruhi inspected the dress.
"Magnificent?" Haruhi asked. "My _commoner_ clothes are far better than this."
"Oh, no, no, no," Tamaki said, arms open wide. "This is for your character of today."
"Huh?"
"You'll see, Haruhi," Kyouya said. "I made the mistake of allowing Tamaki near Renge's British literature collection."
Haruhi made a face. "What?"
"Oh, I am surprised myself that Renge can read something without pictures," Kyouya said pushing his glasses up. "This particular story seems to be about the retelling of fairy tales. Look, I'm a witch..."
"Don't you say..." Haruhi mumbled.
"...Mori-senpai is the magical scarecrow..."
Mori confirmed this fact through grunting.
"...Hunny-senpai is the magic student..."
"That's right!" Hunny said, hovering his fingers over Usa-chan, as if trying to spell the stuffed bunny.
"...Hikaru and Kaoru are fire demons..."
"We'll burn ya!" the twins chorused, ominously.
"I," Tamaki interrupted, passing his arm flamboyantly over Haruhi's shoulders, "am the incredibly handsome wizard!" He made a dramatic pause before adding "And you, my lovely daughter, are the mousie hatter, who is in fact a powerful witch on her own and the main character's -mine- love interest!"
"I'll pass," Haruhi said, dryly.
"But..." Tamaki said, wibbling.
"You want me to wear a dress, Tamaki-senpai. Customers will notice something."
"She's right, you know?" Kyouya said.
One could almost see Tamaki's shattered dreams scattered on the floor.
"Does that mean I won't be learning to conjure up cakes?" Hunny asked, big eyes peering from behind Usa-chan.
Mori picked Hunny up and took him to an empty table. Once there, Mori covered the table with a mantelpiece he took from another, took it away with a sudden movement and, presto! There was cake!
The whole club clapped.
"I think Mori-senpai should be the wizard," Kaoru said.
Tamaki didn't take that comment well. "I am the Club's King!" he argued.
"What good is a wizard who can't do magic?" Hikaru asked.
"I can do magic!" Tamaki exclaimed. He began to dial up numbers frantically on his cellphone.
"You need to do magic without a big infrastructure behind you, milord," Kaoru said, but was ignored.
"By the way, Kyouya-senpai, where's Renge?" Haruhi asked. "If that was her book, she should be around as a character, shouldn't she?"
"Oh, yes," Kyouya said, smiling. "She's my fire demon. She's in my castle," he explained, making a vague movement with his hand, indicating that his "castle" -whatever that might be- was far, far away.
"You are mean, Kyouya-senpai," Haruhi said, taking a small step away from Kyouya.
"Listen up, my fellow club members!" Tamaki said; his phone call was over. "This very evening, in this very room, I will prove that I can do magic!"
The twins clapped. Hunny ate cake. Mori washed his face. Kyouya wrote something on that notebook of his. Haruhi wondered in what kind of disaster she was going to end up that evening.
"You need to go away on the meantime," Tamaki said, starting by pushing the twins out the Music Room. "My team will arrive soon."
"That's cheating," Hikaru said, but was ignored.
-
Hours later, the Club members minus their president plus almost the entirety of the school's female population, were finally allowed back in the Third Music Room. Now it didn't look like an old kitchen; it resembled an scenario from Las Vegas Haruhi had seen on television. Complete with fountains and colored lights on the sides and thick black courtains on the background.
The lights went off. Then, a spotlight illuminated a thin figure on the stage. It was Kyouya. On a tuxedo.
"How did he get up there?" Haruhi asked; a few moments ago, Kyouya was sitting down right next to her and she didn't notice him leaving.
"Ladies and gentlemen," Kyouya said reading from cue cards. "It's my pleasure to welcome you to the greatest show you'll ever see! This evening, our very own Souh Tamaki will amaze us with his fearless heart and wonderful magic you've only dreamed of. Now, without further ado, I give you Tamaki the Magnificent!"
"So original," mumbled Haruhi. Both Hikaru and Kaoru agreed.
There was a small explosion and some smoke where Kyouya was standing. When the smoke went away, Kyouya had been replaced by Tamaki on a white tuxedo.
"I only hope he'd practiced enough," Kyouya's voice said next to Haruhi. He was wearing the school's uniform.
She jumped. "How did you-?"
"Shh! The show's about to begin," Kyouya said.
The show's first half was relatively normal; Tamaki made card tricks, played with handkerchiefs and sawed a member of the public in half. The last one almost caused an incident, though, when Hunny was rejected for being too small. Fortunately, Mori could confort him by making Usa-chan appear from behind the small blond's ear.
"For my final act," Tamaki said an hour after the show had begun, "I'll ask Fujioka Haruhi to come up on the stage with me."
A blue-ish spotlight was over Haruhi before she could react one way or another. The public roared, mainly those who were the natural rookie's fans. Haruhi was about to decline the invitation when Kaoru and Hikaru carried her to where their lord was waiting.
"What are you planing, Tamaki-senpai?" Haruhi asked, half irritated, half nervous.
"I, Tamaki the Magnificent, am going to make you, Fujioka Haruhi, the genius commoner, fly!" Tamaki waved his hands while answering. "You'll taste freedom, soaring all over the stage and over our respectable audience's heads!"
The respectable audience was thrilled. Yet, Haruhi wanted to hit Tamaki's not-so-respectable head with one of her father's high-heel shoes.
Tamaki proceeded to praise the noble and ancient quest Man had been on, searching a way to fly by himself, without the aid of machines. Meanwhile, two short men dressed head to toes on black hurried over from nowhere and harnessed Haruhi with thin ropes that went all the way to the roof.
"Oh, so that's how they do it..." Haruhi thought. It made sense: since the stage's background was all black, and Tamaki was dressed in white and talked distracting the public, nobody would notice this men.
Haruhi felt somewhat disappointed. Tamaki's act was really colorful, but there was more magic in Mori's simpler tricks.
"And now," Tamaki said, standing up behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "The moment all of you've been waiting for!" Slowly, he released Haruhi's shoulders and the ropes pulled her up. It was disconcerting, and the girl's (and Hunny's) screaming made it worst. Haruhi was dragged around the room like a rag doll.
Was this the freedom Tamaki mentioned? Made her glad she hadn't finished her lunch.
The audience, however, was still thrilled.
It ended soon, though not soon enough. The men in black took off the harness from Haruhi while Tamaki approved of her courage, and the show ended ten minutes later.
-
"So, what do you say now?" Tamaki asked the next day, moving some hair from his eyes's way with a graceful movement. Behind him, his staff was dismounting the stage.
"That was cheating," Hikaru and Kaoru said.
"Even Haruhi thinks so," Kaoru added. The twins had placed themselves on each of Haruhi's sides.
Tamaki looked at her. She took a moment to answer. This delay made him go to curl up in a corner.
"Um... Tamaki-senpai," Haruhi said, trying to fix some of the damage. "The show was really impressive (Tamaki's head raised), but... (he lowered it again) was all this equipment really necessary?"
Tamaki's corner darkened and mushrooms began to grow.
"Mom, our daughter thinks daddy's equipment is unnecessary," he moaned.
"Daddy's equipment will always be necessary," Kyouya said. "But even I have to agree: this was all too much."
Tamaki's figure was barely visible among the shadows.
"The profit was really good, though," Kyouya said after a quick glance to his calculator.
"Besides, milord," Hikaru said, "we challenged you to do magic, not to pull up a whole festival."
Kaoru nodded at his brother's words.
There was a chilling draft coming from Tamaki's corner.
"You don't have to feel like that, Tamaki-senpai," Haruhi said. "Every one of us has at least one unique talent."
Tamaki came forward, mushrooms flying all over, and held Haruhi's hands. "Really?"
"Yes," she said.
"And what's mine?" he asked with big, puppy eyes.
"Well, you... ah... you can... uh...."
The club's king went back to the Corner of Solitude.
Haruhi sighed. Kyouya commented about the mushroom market. Mori made a real bunny appear from his bare hands to Hunny's delight. The twins plotted something. Renge entered the room. She was still wearing the fire demon costume.
"Oh, yes! I knew I had forgotten something," Kyouya said, pushing his glasses up his nose.
"You are really mean, Kyouya-senpai," Haruhi said.
"Kyaaa~!" Renge exclaimed. "This is the time when I come and steal the wizard's heart, right?"
"Eh, we're not-" began Kaoru, but Kyouya interrupted.
"Actually, yes, this is the time," he said.
"Fine, then!" Renge said, pushing her sleeves up. She went towards the twins and stopped right before grabbing Kaoru's butt. "It was supposed to be below, wasn't it?" she asked.
"Actually, they don't have it anymore; we improvised," Kyouya explained.
"Oh," Renge said. "Who has it, then? Or has my role changed too?"
"It's changed, slightly," Kyouya said. He whispered something on Renge's ear.
The girl's face lightened and made more than one of the club members shiver. "I'll be right back!" said the girl with a wink and left.
That couldn't be good, thought Haruhi.
She was right.
-
Renge returned less than ten minutes later, this time through the floor, using her high-power motor and laughing maniaticaly. She was dressed with something far more practical than the fire demon costume, but just as disturbing. She was wearing a dress pretty much similar to the one Kyouya wore the day before, but with rubies instead of diamonds and without the wide hat. She also held a staff made of rough wood with a sphere on a dragon's claw on the top.
"I am the witch! I've come for the wizard's heart!" she proclaimed. "I'm actually good, but I act as evil because shadow characters with dubious motives are the most interesting!" she added, as an aside.
"And who has it?" Hikaru asked.
"He has it!" Renge exclaimed, pointing at Haruhi.
"Me?" Haruhi asked, pointing at herself.
"He took it for safe keeping!" Renge said.
"Aaahh!" the twins chorused.
"And now I'm going to take it off!" Renge said.
"Off?" Haruhi asked, blinking.
"Off," Renge said. "No-one can live with two hearts!" Renge jumped off from her platform, took Haruhi's arm and made her jump back. Then, the high-power motor started and took both Renge and Haruhi out the room.
----
"What's going to happen now?" Hunny asked.
"Dunno," Mori answered.
"The wizard has to save his love interest," Kyouya said. He went to Tamaki's corner and shook him. "If you don't save her, Renge'll find out Haruhi's a girl."
"Eh?" Tamaki asked; he didn't pay much attention to Renge's act.
"Renge's going to pretend to take off the wizard's heart from the love interest's chest, and to do that, she'll have to take Haruhi's shirt off," Kyouya said.
Tamaki jumped, forgetting his depression. "We can't let her!" he screamed. "We have to rescue our daughter, mom! Where has Renge taken her to?"
"To the dungeons," Kyouya said.
"There are dungeons in Ouran?" Kaoru asked, but nobody answered.
The Host Club members prepared themselves to the rescue mission, going back to the costumes from the book, except for Hikaru and Kaoru, who had changed theirs into something more comfortable, Kyouya, who now was wearing something similar to Tamaki's costume, but blue-and-silver, and Mori, who -politely- refused to paint his face white again.
"Which way to the dungeons, mom?" Tamaki asked.
"Down the stairs, to the basement," Kyouya answered.
And there they ran. And they gathered a bunch of girls who glued to them like flies to honey. And then they got to the basement. The girls kept a distance, watching curiously the scene that developed in front of their eyes.
The basement had an eerie feeling unknown to those who had been there before. Spider webs had been artificially added, as well as torches that were the only light. Water drops could be heard falling on the floor, and the moist and cold on the air made the girls form tight groups. Hunny hugged Mori's leg, and Tamaki was about to do the same with Kyouya's.
"Are there any monsters on the way, Kyouya-senpai?" Hikaru asked, really near to Kaoru.
"I don't know," Kyouya said. "That was up to Renge."
Soon, the question was answered. A big mechanic -yet detailed- troll came forward. Screams filled the corridor.
Mori tried to move and attack the troll, but Kyouya stopped him.
"Tamaki needs to do this," he said, and pushed the club's king towards the monster.
Tamaki didn't have a sword, nor any kind of weapon. He asked for one, but his request was denied, since he was a wizard and couldn't use other weapons than his magic.
Tamaki gulped. The troll looked down at him and raised its club.
"Come on, milord!" Kaoru cheered.
"You can do it!" Hikaru exclaimed.
Tamaki gulped a second time. He barely had time to duck the troll's club when it decided to hit. Luckily, the thing was too slow.
There was some struggle, with Tamaki scurrying between the troll's legs and avoiding to be hit by the apparently heavy club. The troll moved its big mass around to keep up with its pray when, suddenly, it stopped.
"What happened?" Kyouya asked over the chattering noise behind him.
"I unplugged it," Tamaki said. There was smugness on his voice. "Now, let's go and rescue Haruhi!"
"We can't come through," Hikaru said. "The troll is blocking the way."
"What?" Tamaki yelled.
"We can't come through. The troll is blocking the way," Kaoru repeated.
"I heard it the first time!" Tamaki said. "Are you sure you can't come in?" he whimpered.
"Yes," Kyouya said. "I don't think that even Hunny-senpai can go through this."
"No, I can't, Tama-chan," Hunny said. "There's no enough space. I'm really sorry."
Mori patted Hunny's head.
"You are on your own, Tamaki," Kyouya said. "And you must hurry up; there's no way to know if the witch already knows Haruhi's secret."
The girls in the back began to chatter excitedly again. Haruhi-kun had a secret! And the Host Club's King, Tamaki-sama, was to risk his live to protect him from an evil witch! Ah, the friendship they shared, truly a thing to cherish deeply and remember for generations to come!
The girls cooed and awed and Kyouya was glad he'd put cameras inside the basement.
----
Tamaki walked down the corridor; he was already half way through it when he left his companions. There was no more monsters, though, and he arrived in a very short time to an imposing gate carved in a familiar way. Fortunately, he had already seen the movies, and knew the answer to the riddle.
The gate opened. Tamaki breathed heavily; Haruhi's fate was on his hands, and he was not going to let her down.
The base- The dungeon's only light was, like the corridor's, a few torches distributed in strategical places. In the middle, there was a stone altar, and Haruhi -thank goodness, with her uniform still on- was tied up to it, spread eagle. Renge was behind the altar, her staff raised over her head.
"Welcome, wizard, I was waiting for you!" she said. "You've come to rescue your friend, but I must tell you, in doing so, you'll only doom yourself!"
"I've sworn to protect Haruhi's secret!" Tamaki said, pointing at Renge with a finger. "Nothing, not even death, will stop me!"
"Couldn't you just untie me and finish this stupid game for good?" Haruhi asked, but was ignored.
"I can't let you do it, wizard," Renge said. "For this I have sworn to the highest powers!"
"That'd be Kyouya-senpai, wouldn't it?" Haruhi said.
"Haruhi will come back to the surface with me, untouched," Tamaki said.
"He'll go back with you, allright," Renge said. "But not before I've taken your heart away from his chest!" Renge then reached out to Haruhi's chest.
Haruhi panicked and tried to move away, but she couldn't; the knots were well made.
Tamaki rushed to stop Renge to discover Haruhi's secret. He barely made it; both he and Renge fell backwards on the floor. They struggled for the upper hand until the real lights of the room were turned on, taking them out of their characters.
"That'd be enough, I think," Kyouya said.
Mori approached to the altar to release Haruhi from it.
"Awww!" Renge complained. "I was having so much fun... I still want my payment, though," she said with a lovely smile.
"Payment?" Haruhi asked, rubbing her wrists.
"Kyo-chan promised Renge-chan unlimited access to his family's new videogame development branch if she went along with this," Hunny explained with a huge grin.
"Why am I not surprised?" Haruhi sighed. Suddenly, she was lifted from where she was standing and not much later she found herself in Tamaki's tight embrace.
"Ah, my sweet, sweet daughter! I made it! I gave you back your freedom!"
"Milord, I don't think Haruhi'd be able to enjoy her freedom if you don't let her breathe soon," Kaoru said.
"Now that this is over, we should head back to the Music Room," Kyouya said. "I have a lot of work to do editing all of today's and yesterday's taped material."
"Why am I not surprised?" Haruhi moaned. At least, she hoped, being kidnapped and tied to an altar surely helped a lot on her debt, right?
Right?