[oneshot] Canvas. (part 3)
For once, Joonmyun has forgone the suit. “I’d stand out too much.” His smile is much fainter than normal, and Sehun supposes he isn’t the least bit happy with what he’s doing.
“For once, Sehunnie’s hair will fit right in,” Jongin jokes, grinning at Sehun. After the pink had faded, it had somehow become even more scandalous, eliminating any possibility of Sehun not attracting attention in the streets.
“What’s with your outfit?” Sehun throws back, smirking at Jongin. He has a beanie on, as well as huge aviators, and he looks like he’s impersonating a b-boy, with his black t-shirt and baggy dark jeans.
“Trying to fit in, of course. Just like you.” He has a point. Sehun, too, had gone for the least Sehun-like clothes in her wardrobe, and ended up settling for a white tee and denim shorts, as well as sneakers and the indispensable sunglasses. Sehun concedes.
The live house is called Calysto, and it’s located in Itaewon. Joonmyun looks frighteningly uncomfortable with all that, but he doesn’t complain at all while parking in the crowded street, or when paying for the three of them. The place is full to the brim, its inside is noisy and warm, and Jongin and Sehun grin like children on Christmas.
“This is so cool!” Jongin whispers to Sehun as they deem it safe to take off the sunglasses and take a look around. The place is the complete opposite of fancy; it’s rough, entirely made of concrete, with graffiti all over the walls and loud bounce music playing from enormous speakers. Some people’s attire remind Sehun of Chanyeol, and others’ remind her more of Tao - the amount of men wearing tight clothing is amazing. As she and Jongin snake forward through the crowd, with Joonmyun (presumably) tailing them, they finally get close enough to the stage to see the performer: a tall, scary man, who raps over the electronic beat as if casting a curse.
“They must be up next,” Jongin screams at Sehun’s ear so she can hear him. “Noona said they go up at midnight!”
Sehun sort of wants to ask him when did he start calling Chanyeol ‘noona’, but she decides against it for miscellaneous reasons. Instead, she just enjoys the beat, following the crowd’s movements.
Jongin is right. All it takes is three minutes for the guy to finish that song, say his final greetings to the crowd, and then peace out. Some of the crowd leaves to the back, probably to fetch drinks or to smoke, but a large part of it stays right where it is.
“They must be really popular,” Sehun comments over the background music, which is almost as loud as the live performance. Jongin frowns at her questioningly. “All these people are here to see them.”
“Aah. Yeah!” Jongin nods. “They’ve been performing for years.”
She can’t tell, from his answer, whether he heard her question right or not, so she lets it go.
When the background music starts fading out, most of the crowd goes back to the stage area, and it gets stuffy really quick. The silence lasts for about one minute and a half; then, the loud thumping of bass. Jongin screams something to Sehun, but she doesn’t hear it at all. Light flickers on the stage.
Then, limelight - from behind the mixing table, Tao stands, smirking at the crowd, fingers pointing to the ceiling. The crowd roars, some shouting Tao’s name, and he responds with a brief salute. Then, he puts his headphones on, the music starts evolving, and the lights are off again.
Sehun is impressed with how violent the music sounds. She can’t put it in words that well, not even to herself, but the croaking bass and shrill brass sound rough, dirty even, like screaming curse words inside of an elementary school classroom. Like giving the middle finger to an important authority. It feels Sehun feel less and less like her everyday self, and more like something she has never, ever been.
Limelight is on again - and this time, it’s on Chanyeol.
“WHAT’S UP, CALYSTO!!” Her voice bursts from the speakers, louder than the beat even, and the crowd goes wild. Even though she’s dressed in less color than she usually is - her singlet is white and sneakers are white, her jeans are dark, her beanie and the armband around her biceps are black - she looks twice more manic and wild than Sehun has ever seen her. It’s like she has been possessed, fire dancing in her eyes, electricity cracking around her joints. “ARE YOU READY TO MAKE SOME FUCKING NOISE?!”
And the bass boomed, and she started rapping.
Beside Sehun, Jongin screams Chanyeol name, while Sehun herself just stands there stunned. Chanyeol is like a machine gun, spitting out the verses without even breathing, without needing to breathe, as if the words were coming out from her lips on their own. She talks to the crowd about having a strict job, being forced to smile at times you don’t want to and to duck your head to people you don’t respect, but then being able to rip it all off when nighttime comes and enjoy yourself as you really is. Tao pumps out sounds Sehun didn’t even know that existed from the mixing table and Chanyeol - Chanyeol fucking kills it.
At the end of the first song, the crowd is on fire. Chanyeol’s skin glimmers with sweat, and she’s huffing from the energy she put in her rapping, but her smile shines brighter than the stage lighting.
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,” she greets in a low, jesting voice, and the audience hoots. “Or whatever you are, really,” the audience hoots even louder. “First of all, let me introduce myself. Hailing from Ulsan, I’m your main lady Park Chanyeol.” The shouts of Chanyeol’s name are deafening. Jongin and Sehun, too, scream for her from the top of their lungs. “This one here,” she points at Tao, who raises his hand somewhat lazily. “Came from Qindao, China, just to deliver you some sweet tunes. Our own and only kung-fu panda, Huang Zitao!” The crowd screams again, and Sehun can’t help but notice that the screams for Tao are mostly male.
“I had no idea he’s Chinese!” Jongin confesses in a scream, and Sehun laughs at him, because what the fuck.
“Joining our forces we become?”
“The Mighty Sweethearts!” The crowd roars in unison.
“Thank you, everyone,” Chanyeol smiles like sunshine. “Well, we don’t have much time for chitchat. After all, no one’s here to hear me talk. Unless it got good beats playing in the back, of course.” The crowd ripples with laughter. “So let’s get on with it. The next track will feature in our upcoming album. If you like it, hey! Maybe you should buy it. Anyway, let’s start.” She glances at Tao for confirmation, and receives. “Please listen. ‘Love Match’.”
“That,” Jongin says a bit hysterically as he slips into the car, “was so freaking cool.”
He’s completely electrified from The Mighty Sweethearts’ performance. Joonmyun had to practically drag them out of the place and shove them into the car, because it was way past bedtime for Jongin and he didn’t want to get into trouble with the bigwigs at the agency. Also, he’s clearly exhausted. It’s the first time Sehun sees Joonmyun express so many feelings.
“They’re pretty good,” Joonmyun comments despite his tiredness. “I was surprised. It was the first time I saw them perform.”
“What!?” Jongin turns to face him with a frown. “You’ve known Chanyeol noona since you were a kid but you never went to her lives?”
Sehun’s ears perk at that. So Joonmyun and Chanyeol were childhood friends? What an unlikely pair…
“Well, I don’t really fit into that kind of ambient well, do I?” He retorts, and Jongin is forced to agree. “But they’re much better than I thought. They could easily make it to major if they branched out from Itaewon, but, knowing Chanyeol, they’ll probably never do that.”
“Why not?” Jongin asks, and Joonmyun sighs.
“It’s a bit hard to explain…” Instead of elaborating, Joonmyun turns to Sehun with a smile. “How was it, Sehun sshi? Did you have fun?”
Did Sehun have fun?
“Lots of it,” she answers with a large smile, cheeks rosy, face sweaty. “It was awesome.”
“Right!? It was amazing!” Jongin turns on his seat to face Sehun. He’s smiling so broadly that it makes him look five years younger - bright and innocent, completely unfit for a model. “Noona was amazing! It changed completely my image of her! Right, Sehun?”
Sehun thinks briefly of Chanyeol. Of her tall frame, her long limbs, her big ears and toothy smile. She thinks of how she greets everyone in a loud, excited voice, and how she’s always jumping from one side to another in the studio, and how her bangs are always pushed up. Then, she thinks back to the Chanyeol she saw on stage, the dirty-mouthed, quick-witted Chanyeol, who rapped about pulling pranks on a nasty ex and conducted the crowd with pure manic energy. The Chanyeol onstage who has her hair in tiny braids, which she toys with when she’s trying to act cute.
“Yes,” Sehun lies with practiced ease, hides that smudge on her surface with skill learnt over the years. “She looked completely different.”
But it’s like the more she scrubs, the more the dirt spreads.
So now, instead of a white canvas with one small smudge of gray,
She’s streaked all over with it.
All over.
And she doesn’t know how long it’ll take until someone finally notices.
“Drama filming every afternoon for the next weeks, also a shoot for your new endorsement on Wednesday morning. Hairtylist appointment in a month… I heard they’re going to dye your hair again,” Lu Han tells Sehun, going through his worn out notepad as she eats some pineapple pieces. “Don’t know what color, though. I hope they make it really rad.”
Sehun almost chokes on the piece of fruit she’s eating. “Rad,” she mimics him, laughing. He frowns sadly at her.
“What’s wrong with that word…?” He seems genuinely clueless, and Sehun only laughs harder, shaking her head. In the end, Lu Han ends up smiling as well. “You’ve been in such a good mood these days. I wonder if something good happened…”
Sehun stops laughing.
“Nothing special,” she says casually, shrugging, eating another piece. Lu Han hums as if he didn’t believe her. “I guess it’s because I’ve been with Jongin a lot.”
“Huh,” Lu Han still sounds doubtful about it, and it sets off a silent, gelid feeling of fright in Sehun’s stomach. “It must be that, then,” he says at last, highlighting something in his notepad with his pink marker. Sehun relaxes a little bit. “Too bad you won’t be able to meet him for a while. Well, in the studio, at least, since you have filming in the afternoons.”
She frowns in disappointment, and tells herself, and whoever else can hear her thoughts, that she will miss Jongin.
Jongin, her boyfriend. She’ll miss him. Him.
From: jonginnie
15:32
se~~hun~~ie~~
you havent been to the studio AT ALL these days!!!!!!!!
what should i do???? i miss you!!! :(((((((
come ba~~~~~~ck
come right no~~~~~~w
Sehun almost falls over laughing when she gets that text. She’s at the set, on her one-minute break before starting the next scene, and she almost shoves her fist in her mouth to keep her from laughing.
To: jonginnie
15:35
What’s up with you today? lol
Anyway, I told you already, my afternoons are full until we wrap this up.
Your favorite drama is going to end soon~. Do you feel empty already? lol
Come over again whenever you can♥
“Actress Oh Sehun!” One of the assistants shouts for her. “Standby!”
With a slightly heavy heart, Sehun lets go of her phone.
Filming wraps up at ten, which makes it horribly tiring, but also very productive. Sehun only remembers to check her phone when she’s waiting outside for Lu Han, and there she finds two responses from Jongin.
From: Jonginnie
15:44
i just miss you~~
heol… i want to visit sehunnie soon!! hehe♥♥
even if its in the middle of the night~~ come to the studio~~
i’ll be waiting!!!!! hehehehehe♥♥♥♥♥
Sehun laughs to herself again, this time much more freely. Jongin can be really cute when he puts his mind on it, huh? Then, onto the next one…
From: jonginnie
18:56
sorry 4 the texts earlier!!! chanyeol noona stole my phone -.-
i hope filming went well today!!!!!!!!
also only two more eps right??? ;;;;;;;; so empty ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
Sehun freezes.
And her heartbeat shoots up.
A huge drop of filth stains her surface.
Dark, dark grey.
When she gets home that night, she can’t help but to let one, two, three tears fall. She can’t help but to feel that she has reached a dead end. She can’t help but to run to her room, hide under her bed sheets, and just cry and cry and cry because her worst nightmare is becoming reality, and she can’t run from it anymore.
She remembers of the dream she had where she had a chest with a terrible secret inside. She remembers how anxious her dream self was, how sure she was that, if anyone were to find out what was in that chest, she’d be done for. She’d lose her job. She’d lose her entire life.
Sehun is a model, a white canvas over which fashion designers, make-up artists and creative directors pain the message they want to convey. She has to be perfect. She has to be neutral, to cover her own colors with white, to hide her own texture to give people what they want to see. If that carefully constructed white peels off, it’s the end for her. The end.
And she knows exactly the point where it’s become loose already.
She cries on her bed for hours. She still has to undress, shower, remove her make-up… instead, she hides from the world, recalling memories from her school times. The day she bought her first magazine. The day she received her first love letter. The day the casting agent found her in the mall, browsing a nearby magazine stand for her favorite’s model special photobook. The day she first realized she had a secret, a secret she couldn’t tell anyone. Not even herself.
She tries to fall asleep, but, as soon as she calms down enough to sleep, her phone rings inside of her bag.
She considers letting it ring, but that’s rarely a good idea, specially if it happens to be Lu Han who’s calling. Slowly, she leaves the safety of her bed, slides to the floor and fishes her cellphone from her bag.
It’s Jongin. She takes a deep breath, and answers.
“Hello?”
“Hey! Wow, you picked up. I thought you were going to let it ring,” Jongin sounds like he’s in an excellent mood. “So, how was filming? Is it over for good?”
“Almost,” she says, aware that she sounds terrible. “One more day, I guess. If everything goes well.”
“I see. Wow, it’s gonna end already, huh. Also, you sound really tired, are you okay?” At that, Sehun’s throat clamps shut. Jongin is a good boyfriend. Jongin is a great boyfriend, so why…? “Hey, you should come to the studio. We’re recording a new song! Well, it won’t be released in the single, but noona told me she composed it specially for me, so we’re trying it out. Why don’t you come? I bet you’ll like it!”
She barely, very poorly, chokes down a sob. “I… I’m really sorry, Jongin ah. I can’t today. I’m…” it’s a failure. She’s a failure. She can’t keep her voice firm.
“… Sehun?” And now Jongin sounds worried. Because of her. Because he cares for her. “Sehun, are you okay? You don’t sound okay at all. Are you crying?”
“I’m…” I’m not, is what she wants to say, but she’s crying too hard for her to deny it now. It’s done. It’s the end. “I’m not feeling well tonight. So I can’t go. I’ll go once filming is over, Jongin, I promise you-”
“You’re at home, right?” He interrupts her. “Stay still. Right there where you’re at. I’m coming over.”
“No!” She shouts, her voice cracking. “Please, Jongin, no. Don’t. Not today, please…”
“I can’t leave you alone like this, Sehun!” He sounds impatient, worried, desperate. “You’re my girlfriend, for fuck’s sake! What am I good for if I let you cry alone at home at a time like this?”
She sobs uncontrollably. You’re my girlfriend. He has always genuinely cared for Sehun, always treasured her so much, and yet… “Please, Jongin, I swear I’m fine,” she says weakly. “It’s just-it’s just something that happened at filming today. Don’t worry. I’m fine, I swear,” it’s easy for her to lie, it’s easy for her to hide herself, because that’s her job, and she has been doing it since she was a teenager. “Don’t come today. I need to be alone for a while.” She sniffs. “I’m sorry for making you worry like this.”
Jongin sighs, breath strained. He sounds impatient, and annoyed. “Okay,” he concedes begrudgingly, and Sehun sighs in relief. “I’m really worried, though. As soon as you can talk, talk to me. Really. Also, don’t do anything stupid.”
“I won’t,” she reassures him, sniffing again. “I promise. Do your best in the recordings today.”
“Sure thing. Take care.” He says, and Sehun hangs up.
For a long while, she just stays there, sitting on the carpeted floor, too tired and empty to move. Eventually, however, exhaustion takes over her, and she slides back onto bed, falling asleep in her good clothes, make-up and tear stains all over her face.
She’s cracking.
Soon, enough, everyone will see her true colors.
And it’ll be the end.
The drama filming finally wraps up on Monday. There are flowers for all the main stars, and a cake for the whole team. Sehun receives a bouquet of white roses, and makes a heartfelt speech thanking everyone for having her even though she had no experience with acting. They all applaud her, and insist for her to take a slice of cake, but all she has is one strawberry, and no more than that. She has lots of fun playing around with her colleagues, and almost regrets it when Lu Han shows up to take her home.
“I was having fun,” she whines as Lu Han drives away from the studio.
“You have to get some rest too,” Lu Han lectures her, posing as responsible this time around. “But I’m happy you’re all okay today. Yesterday, when I took you home, you were really quiet.”
Ah, yes. The day before feels like a distant, surreal memory to her now. She has rebuilt herself, painted herself new, and will be damned if she goes down so easily.
“I was really tired yesterday, but today was easier,” she confesses, fishing her phone out of her bag to check for messages, and finding one unread, from Jongin.
From: jonginnie
16:29
ah, well, if you say youre fine, youre fine. but seriously, lets meet up tonight!!!!!
today I have the last recording session. you should show up at the studio.
even tao says he misses you. we~ird. that guy is scary.
anyway, reply & lets meet up!!!!
“Lu Han,” she calls, eyes not leaving Jongin’s message. “You know the address to that studio Jongin goes to, don’t you?”
“Huh?” Lu Han is clearly taken aback by the question. “I… guess? I mean, I know where it is. I’m not sure if I know how to get there from here, though…”
“Can you try?” Sehun pretty much pleads. “I want you to drop me off there.”
“I… sure!” he answers, and Sehun smiles in thankfulness, looking out of the window. “I’m… a bit surprised, you know,” he confesses, apparently still confused, and Sehun furrows her eyebrows questioningly. “You usually don’t make demands like this. You’re always quiet, just going along with me.” He chuckles. “I guess Jongin really changed you.”
She thinks of Jongin. Of how he says what he wants, and endures looking ridiculous for it. Of how he demands things from Joonmyun, and from Sehun, and how Sehun, too, feels comfortable to demand things from him. Of how fierce he looks in front of a camera, and how, at those moments, he’s probably scared because of the amount of people screaming at him.
“I guess so,” Sehun mutters, and, this time, she completely means it.
In the end, it’s really Jongin who she likes. Jongin, her boyfriend, who once wore one of her frilly night gowns and played Battlefield with her for the whole night, even though he was dead tired. Jongin, who’s always teasing and bullying her, and who she likes to tease and bully back, too. And to think that Sehun even thought… no, it was impossible. She dismisses it immediately, and laughed at herself. Jongin is the one who she likes. Him, and no one else.
Lu Han drops her at the door of the studio, telling her to call whenever she feels like going home, as he always does. She complies, as she always does, and he leaves. When Sehun rings the doorbell, she’s so happy she could sing.
A long while of silence. Sehun is about to ring again when the intercom makes a sound.
“Hello?”
Sehun’s heart skips a beat.
“Um… hi,” she never thought talking to an intercom would be so hard. How does Joonmyun do it? “It’s Sehun. Can I come in?”
A pause. “Sehun!!” Chanyeol’s voice busts the small speaker. “Sure, come in right now! Let me open it for you.”
The sound dies, and the door opens with a clang.
It’s the first time Sehun crosses that hallway alone, and the way how she can hear her own heels click against the floor intimidate her a little, once again. It’s the first time she notices how cold the place is, since she’s wearing much lighter clothing this time, cotton instead of wool, sheer black nylons instead of tights. And then, before she even gets to the door, it falls open, and Chanyeol’s face appears at the doorway, smiling widely.
“You’re here! Yay!!” She jumps up and down excitedly, glasses crooked on her nose, bangs falling over her eyes. Sehun smiles at her before she can even stop herself. “I can’t believe you actually came! Jongin left just half an hour ago. It’s a pity that you couldn’t catch him!”
“Huh?” Sehun’s smile falls, and she widens her eyes as Chanyeol lets her into the sound room. “Jongin left already?”
“Uh… yeah,” Chanyeol looks surprised that she didn’t know. “He said he had to be home… because of a TV show…”
The drama!! They were airing the second-to-last episode today! Sehun mentally hits herself for not remembering such an important thing about a drama she stars in. “Right. Of course. I completely forgot about that,” she admits, grimacing.
“I see… ah, well, but since you’re already here!” Chanyeol beams at her, but her eyes seem to plead for Sehun to stay. “We could just, like, chill out for a bit, right? Do you have schedules for today?”
“No, I’m free for the rest of the night,” Sehun confesses somewhat shyly.
“Yay!!” Chanyeol raises her arms in a victorious pose, and her basketball top rides up. “I’m gonna grab you something to drink then! Do you want some tea? Ah, but we don’t have fresh tea, only that boxed ice tea thing that probably has a billion toxic chemicals in it. It’s tasty, though. He have juice too! And, uh, coffee, I guess?”
“I’ll take a glass of tea, thank you,” Sehun accepts with a polite smile, so to make Chanyeol stop rambling. It’s effective, and Chanyeol shuts up, but she’s still smiling.
“Okay! I’m gonna go fetch it, just a second,” she says, dragging some boxes out of the way to reveal a door Sehun had never noticed before. As Chanyeol disappears behind it, Sehun concludes that it must be the door leading to the second floor. And thus, she is left all alone in the studio.
So, okay, Jongin is at home - probably about to bawl his eyes out, because his favorite character is murdered in that episode - therefore, his absence is justified. But where is Tao? The recording room is completely empty, so he couldn’t be there, but he isn’t at the sound room either. Hm. Perhaps he went out…
Chanyeol is back with the tea absurdly fast, to the point that Sehun jumps when she opens the door. She hands over a tall glass of iced green tea to Sehun, while keeping a glass of juice to herself.
“Aah, it’s so nice to have you over. I heard from Jongin you were really, really busy last week,” Chanyeol comments amidst downing her juice in a few seconds. “Ah!!” She exclaims all of sudden, slamming her empty glass onto the table. “Crap!! I completely forgot to buy your photobook!”
Sehun snorts involuntarily, almost inhaling green tea, and coughs a little before saying, “and I thought you were my fan.”
“I am! I swear I am, I’m obstinate to get your autograph,” Chanyeol whines, rummaging for something in the cluttered table top. “I’m just an airhead, you know? There’s nothing going on inside of my skull. I can’t believe I forgot to buy it!” She finally seems to find the object - a cellphone. With quick movements of her fingers, she dials up a number and calls. “I swear that if he doesn’t pick up-Tao!!”
Oh. So she was calling Tao. That meant he really wasn’t at the studio. “Tao, I need a favor. Can you buy Sehun’s photobook for me? Pretty please?” She pleads. “I’ll pay you back when you get here. Also, I’ll buy you ice cream! Yah, Tao, don’t leave me hanging, please!”
She goes on and on and on, trying to bribe her partner with several offers, probably barely letting him speak. From where Sehun sits on the couch, sipping at her green tea leisurely, she watches everything in silence, much like she did on the first day she had been to the studio.
Today, Chanyeol is wearing another one of her basketballs tops; this time, a purple one. However, instead of the usual baggy pants, she’s wearing boxing shorts, and quite small ones. Her legs seem to be infinite, darker than Sehun’s skin, but paler than Chanyeol’s arms. The side cuts of her top are quite low again, but, this time, when Chanyeol props her elbow in a nearby shelf, Sehun doesn’t spot a bra.
“You will? Really?!” Her entire face lights up, and she bounces on her feet as Sehun silently tries not to have a seizure. “Oh my God, yay! I love you! I really love you! I’ll buy you all the food you want! Also, come home already, Sehunnie is here. Didn’t you say you wanted to see her? Yeah. Bye bye~!” And she hangs up, a grin stretching her lips wide. When she turns around to face Sehun, her eyes are glimmering. “He’s gonna buy it for me.”
“Excellent,” Sehun nods solemnly, grinning a smug grin. “As I expected from you. Where is he right now?”
“Shopping for clothes. He’ll probably only come back when people kick him out from the stores,” she rolls her eyes, throwing the cellphone carelessly onto the table and walking towards the couch. She claims her usual seat: on the armrest, legs crossed, on the opposite end of Sehun’s seat. “I hope he’ll come back earlier, though. He misses you a bit, so I think he’ll come back earlier this time.”
“I see,” Sehun nods, eyeing Chanyeol’s top with filthy curiosity. “Um, you really like basketball, right?”
Chanyeol tilts her head to the side, apparently not knowing what Sehun is talking about. Then, comprehension dawns upon her. “Ah! No, not that much, really. All of these were presents from my ex,” she explains, looking down to her own top. “She played basketball, and she liked it so much that she gave me a bunch of these.” Pausing, she wrinkles her nose. “Now that I said it, it’s really weird that I wear the stuff my ex gave me every day. But well, they’re comfy. And she took, like, half of my comics collection when we broke up, so it’s fine, I guess.”
Sehun is trying really hard not to freak out in any way. Breathe in, breathe out. Drink some tea. God, her throat felt dry. “Did you, uh,” she doesn’t quite know what she’s asking, but she doesn’t want the silence. Not right now. “Did you break up in bad terms?”
At that, Chanyeol frowns in concentration. “Not exactly,” she says after some thought, propping her chin on her hands. “I mean, we didn’t fight or anything, but… yeah, it was pretty bad. She was exactly my type,” Chanyeol sighs. “Tall, blonde, pretty. Sort of laconic, but actually really sweet. I thought I was never gonna get over her, but alas,” she opens her arms in a dramatic gesture. “One year later, here I am.”
It’s getting way too hard not to break down. Sehun breathes in. Breathes out. “Break-ups are pretty bad, huh,” she has no idea what to say.
“Don’t think that way! Not all of them are bad. Well, of course, it’s better when they don’t happen,” Chanyeol shrugs. “But, I don’t know, sometimes it’s good that things end. Then you can start something new! You know, like the whole dying flower thing.”
It hits Sehun, at that very moment - all the songs she has heard Jongin sing, all those songs about a great love that ends, about letting someone go, about spending one year by yourself and learning how to enjoy being alone… they were all written by Chanyeol. Based on her own experience.
They were all written for Chanyeol’s ex. Chanyeol’s tall, blonde, female ex.
Sehun finds herself without any further questions to ask, so she does the only thing she can think of at the moment: she gets on her feet, walks over to the other end of the couch, sits down right in front of Chanyeol and, with one finger, tips her over.
“You little-Sehun!!” Chanyeol screams, searching for leverage on Sehun’s shoulder and almost sending both of them to the floor. Sehun’s blouse rides up her stomach when Chanyeol’s fingers pull it up a little, and Sehun can’t stop laughing. “You little devil!! You almost knocked me over, did you know that?! I could’ve seriously hurt myself!”
“I’m so bummed you didn’t fall, though,” Sehun says, and starts laughing again. Chanyeol shouts objections, and, in retaliation, jumps on Sehun, knocking her flat against the couch. “Ouch!! Chanyeol, my back!”
“That’s ‘Chanyeol unnie’ for you! And it serves you right!!” Now Chanyeol is laughing too, body on top of Sehun’s. “Who are you learning these bad habits from? Tao?! It’s Tao, isn’t it!? I’m gonna ban him from ever being near you, ever again!”
“Get off me! You’re heavy!” Sehun complains, but there are still hints of laughter in her voice. Her heart is racing wildly, threatening to break out from her chest.
“Too bad for you! I’m gonna sleep here tonight.” And, saying that, she lowered her body, lying completely atop of Sehun’s body, head fitting right against the crook of Sehun’s neck. “Mmm, comfy. Sleep well, Sehun.”
“Unnie,” Sehun whines, trying you the honorific that makes filthy, filthy heat pool in the pit of her stomach. Chanyeol pretends not to have heard her, snuggling closer to her neck and breathing in. Before Sehun can control herself, she arches her back all so slightly, and a whimper leaves her throat - a high-pitched, wanton whimper.
And the atmosphere stands still.
Sehun goes pale with mortification, and would have clamped a hand over her mouth if she didn’t suddenly feel so stiff. Chanyeol stops breathing for a quite long moment; then, she scrambles away from Sehun’s neck, raising herself to kneeling position, gaping.
“I’m-I’m sorry!!” She blushes so red and so fast that it must be some kind of world record. Her eyes are incredibly wide, made even more buggy than usual by that, and both her hands are over her mouth. “I’m so sorry, Sehun, I didn’t mean to-ah, shit, I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, I can’t believe-I shouldn’t-I’m really, really, really sorry. Really. Oh God.” She buries her face in her hands, as if wishing her palms would swallow her away from there.
It’s just then that Sehun fully understands what happened.
Chanyeol, on top of her.
Chanyeol, who always rambles when in front of her, and looks a little shy if it’s just the two of them in the room.
Chanyeol, whose type is, allegedly, tall, blonde, and pretty, and who sends her ridiculous texts from Jongin’s phone begging to see her.
Chanyeol, in her tiny boxing shorts, wearing a baggy basketball top with nothing underneath. Who has that ridiculously loud voice and always talks as if she’s high on caffeine, and simply can’t stay still, whether it’s in the studio, toying with the buttons of the sound panel, or onstage, jumping up and down till she can’t breathe anymore.
Chanyeol, who, since the beginning, has stolen all of Sehun’s attention; not a fraction of it, not half of it. All of it. Who represents everything Sehun has locked inside of herself for so long, the curve of her waist, the plumpness of her lips, the feminine charm that has always been Sehun’s weak spot. Chanyeol, who’s the filth corrupting Sehun’s carefully cultivated blankness, who’s destroying Sehun’s perfect façade, who’s everything Sehun wants, but can’t touch, can’t, or it will be the end.
Chanyeol, on top of her, apologizing, cheeks red in shame for supposedly taking advantage of the supposedly straight Oh Sehun.
It’s simply too much for Sehun to take, and, just the time, she sends it all to hell, and does not lie. She does not hide. She does not run away.
Instead, she pries Chanyeol’s hands off her face, pulls her hair roughly, and kisses her.
She kisses her like she has never kissed Jongin, and never will, because, even though she has dated him for so long, she simply doesn’t feel like kissing him. She doesn’t feel like drinking him up, feeling his heat, touching him all over. Doesn’t feel like imprinting her name on his skin, on his flesh, on every centimeter of his soul, because, as much as Sehun likes Jongin, it is nothing compared to what she feels for Chanyeol.
She has been alone with Jongin lots of times, for hours, and the only thing they did was to play videogames, eat, and gossip; and yet, in the first twenty minutes she’s left alone with Chanyeol, her panties are already down, her moans echoing in the soundproof room.
“Chanyeol,” she gasps as Chanyeol kisses her sensitive spot, licks her clean, only to make a mess of her all over again. Sehun feels like she’s about to explode, to die from a heart failure, to combust from what that quick, sly tongue is doing to her. “Fuck, Chanyeol, aah-” she cries out, pulling Chanyeol’s hair, riding her face in desperation. She comes for the first time with a scream, one that rips through her throat as her body shudders violently, joints on fire.
Afterwards, Chanyeol slips her fingers into her, and Sehun has never done this before, but she’s so wet and slick with saliva that the first one slips in almost too easily. Sehun tastes herself in Chanyeol’s mouth, plays with her breasts almost violently, sucks her nipples a bit clumsily, but enthusiastically, and Chanyeol groans in pleasure.
“I’ve wanted to do this forever,” Chanyeol whispers into Sehun’s ear while pumping two fingers in and out of her, fucking her virgin entrance raw. “Fuck you right here, on this couch. Pull your skirt up, rip your pretty stockings open, and eat you out till you forget everything but my name.”
“Chanyeol, please, please, please,” Sehun begs, voice cracking, not sure of what she wants but just wanting. Chanyeol’s words are dirty, sinful, and her voice is so fucking low that it sends goosebumps all over Sehun’s body, her nipples hardening instantly. This is the same Chanyeol who controls the crowd at live houses, who spits out lyrics about being free, being sincere, showing your true colors for the world to see. This is the same Chanyeol who, when she first met Sehun, asked her - but how about you? I know what your company thinks, but what do you want?
This is what Sehun wants. And this is what Sehun can’t have. But for a moment, just for a moment - just for that moment, she wants to be free like Chanyeol. Free with Chanyeol.
And her desire is granted; for that moment, that one hour she spends having sex with Chanyeol, she feels like she can fly. Not just glide in the air - actually fly, higher than the clouds, and higher and higher and higher than that.
part 1 → part 2 → part 3 → part 4