Le Sigh.
If you saw me today you'd swear I was ten times better than yesterday. Yesterday I broke down. I just let everything overwhelm me. Today, I simply have shoved everything back down into the depths of me. I hate showing such a pathetic side of me, but truth be told, that part of me does exist. No one who knows me wants to believe it, not even my ex-fiance, who should, out of all people, know me better than that. The only thing that keeps me from showing that side more than I do is pride. Make no mistake however; I have pride, but I have no self-confidence. I am proud of my accomplishments, but I despise who I am. I love the things that I can do, but I do not love myself. There is a vast difference between the two, but not many can see it.
I pride myself on being very self-aware- I am not blinded from seeing these things about myself.
Irony of ironies, I have a test today in my Philosophy of Love class. I'm dreading it. Kari, my wonderful roommmate, and I in protest, dressed in what she calls 'scrubs'. Which are basically sweats, crappy clothes, t-shirts, what have you. We're both single, and both having guy problems. My guy problems were the trigger, but not the cause. No one event could truly ever be the cause of a breakdown of mine. I keep everything inside, too much in fact, so whenever something seemingly insignificant occurs to break me down, keep that in mind. I know some of you (and I love you all for the support yesterday) will call out verbal lashings against whatever it was that triggered me.
My throat is rather sore. Which sucks. It's snowing outside, which sucks even more. Kari nearly fell on the way to our first class this morning. I'm not looking forward to the rest of today. Not a single bit. Screw it, generally, I feel like shit. Headache, stomachache, you name it, I probably have it. Argh. An hour and a half until I'm done for the day.
I pride myself on being very self-aware- I am not blinded from seeing these things about myself.
Irony of ironies, I have a test today in my Philosophy of Love class. I'm dreading it. Kari, my wonderful roommmate, and I in protest, dressed in what she calls 'scrubs'. Which are basically sweats, crappy clothes, t-shirts, what have you. We're both single, and both having guy problems. My guy problems were the trigger, but not the cause. No one event could truly ever be the cause of a breakdown of mine. I keep everything inside, too much in fact, so whenever something seemingly insignificant occurs to break me down, keep that in mind. I know some of you (and I love you all for the support yesterday) will call out verbal lashings against whatever it was that triggered me.
My throat is rather sore. Which sucks. It's snowing outside, which sucks even more. Kari nearly fell on the way to our first class this morning. I'm not looking forward to the rest of today. Not a single bit. Screw it, generally, I feel like shit. Headache, stomachache, you name it, I probably have it. Argh. An hour and a half until I'm done for the day.