[Sporking] The Plus One of RWBY - Chapter 11 part 2
He heard a loud roar and him and Blake turned to see the Alpha Beowolf
[Kirby]: Not. A. Thing.
of the pack alone and wanting revenge for the killing of his pack. He looked at Blake and saw she was looking at him, instead of getting lost in her alluring eyes he saw the serious look on them and it spurred him to fight.
[Fufu]: ...He could easily have gotten lost in her eyes during a serious battle. Holy mother of- You are legit Bella here, AJ. And yes, I’m saying that you are the frail demure lady protag.
They both nodded and Blake threw her weapon at him. He caught it and activated his Semblance before throwing it back to her.
[Kirby]: One; Blake can handle a Beowolf on her own. Two; AJ is supposedly very fast so why did Blake need to throw her weapon at him? Three; in order for AJ to do this, Blake rendered herself defenseless RIGHT IN FRONT OF SAID BEOWOLF. Four; HE HAS A WEAPON! HE DOESN’T NEED BLAKE’S!
His jeans turned black and a white Gambol Shroud appeared in his hands. Him and Blake both threw their weapons at the same time and it went over the Alpha's shoulders, they both pulled and fired their weapon at the same time, it came back and took off both its arms. They fired again and the weapons went back towards it taking off its legs, they fired again and their weapons both hit its neck taking its head off, all in an instant.
[Fufu]: “They fired...they fired...they fired…” Jesus christ, the repetition and the run-on sentence just threw me off there. I was legit confuddled reading that, like “whaa?”
[Talon]: All of that above was one paragraph, mind you. Without either of Kirby’s or Fufu’s comments, that would have remained as one big wall of text. And I’ve already gone into how paragraphs in fighting sequences shouldn’t contain so many separate actions in it. This though… hoo boy, where do I even begin?
[Talon]: The first problem, barring the canon fail Kirby has pointed out about Alpha Beowolves not being a thing, is how when there is only one opponent left, ONLY Blake and Boy turn to it. There is a group of five fighters, and only two of them noticed that loud roar? I’m not buying it.
[Talon]: The second problem is what Fufu pointed out: how the hell can your character legit be thinking of getting lost in his love interest’s eyes when a serious battle is going on?! If your character can’t take the battle seriously, then why should your readers?! Of course, that’s not the only problem with including that line, but we’d be here all day if I had to go into everything wrong about this. Plus, I trust you readers understand all the stupidity and horrible implications associated to Boy’s line of thinking here.
[Talon]: The third problem is that a look from Blake is what spurred Boy into fighting. For one, he was already fighting so he didn’t need to be spurred! And what about the safety of your other friends? You didn’t even consider your friends’ safety as a motivation to fight, and yet you claim to be protective of them! You’ve also defeated the purpose of the whole demon transformation drama back a few chapters ago, where you caused a shit storm because Ruby might die. If right now, you couldn’t consider your friends’ safety as a reason to keep on fighting, I have no reason to believe you actually cared about Ruby’s death because you don’t want to see her die. Instead, I think you just wanted an excuse to rampage!
[Talon]: And what about doing it as your job as a Hunter? None of that even enters the picture here! No, it’s just because Blake is going to fight, and you can’t let her take the glory. That’s what this is.
[Talon]: Problems four to seven are already covered by Kirby as she points out about why Boy copying Blake’s weapon is stupid. Actually, make that problems four to eight, because her point about Blake being able to handle a Beowolf on her own needs to be repeated. Boy, if Blake did something on her own in canon, then there’s no need to muscle in on it! Back the fuck off and let Blake have her day in the lime light.
[Talon]: And the last problem, problem nine, is Fufu’s point that the overuse of “they fired” is being repetitive. My god, was this just written so damn horrendously! This is supposed to be the final death of the biggest and strongest in the pack of Beowolves. Yet it’s reduced to a muddled wall of text saying “they fired, they fired again, fired again, fired again”. An action sequence should not be reading like a student struggling to stretch points in their essay to reach the minimum word count. It should be fast paced, it should be tense, it should read like it’s actually happening, and most importantly, it should have emotion!
[Talon]: So, including these nine problems, overall, I have gone through 20-21 issues on why the Stuthor has ruined a fighting scene in this section alone. This is honestly not a long section. Yet, I am betting that I haven’t even scratched the surface on how many things were done wrong. The Stuthor has honestly got to be doing his best to not try at all to be failing a fighting scene this badly. So, with all this fail, I can only conclude that…
[Talon]:
"Heh. Piece of cake!" Ruby said now that the pack was dead.
"Do not celebrate yet. For I am sure this is the first bout of many." Oobleck said. And he was right, they would go through quite a few more packs of Beowolfs while Oobleck looked at plants and did anything but help them, team RWBY was pretty tired after all the encounters, AJ was only breathing heavily like he had been on a run and he actually kept bouncing between his left and right foot like he had energy he wanted to let out. All this as opposed to the others who are hunched over and out of breath.
[Fufu]: BECAUSE AJ CAN DO NO FUCKING WRONG AND LIKE HE EVER GETS FUCKING TIRED FROM HAVING TO DO THINGS OVER AND OVER WITHOUT PAUSE.
"Excellent work everyone!" Oobleck said.
[Talon]: (Oobleck): “Except you, AJ. Yes, I saw you hiding behind your team’s efforts and only swooping in to take the kill. Next pack of Grimm we face, I feel it’s only fair you take them on yourself and allow your team members to rest.”
"Fortunately there doesn't seem to be any signs of criminal activity in this sector… Oh well! Moving on!" Oobleck said and started to walk away.
"Hey, Doc, you know, I was kind of hoping to see a pro Huntsman in action. Like, fighting, or helping us fight!" Yang complained.
"Ah! But I am in action! Scouring this once great city for any signs of irregularity!" Oobleck said with enthusiasm before turning serious. "Not every mission is filled with daring and heroism! Sometimes it's just a heightened form of extermination!([Kirby]: “examination”) Remember! This is a job! And you all signed up for it! I do hope you understand that." Oobleck said.
[Talon]: What’s with all the exclamation marks? Especially after Oobleck’s been described as being serious.
[Kirby]: Actually, I think most of those exclamation points are okay. Joel, who voices Oobleck, is the only person I’ve seen who has mastered “yell-whispering”. He most always sounds like he’s yelling even when he’s speaking normally, ergo the exclamation points. Though I would have removed the last exclamation point, because he did tone it down there.
[Talon]: Well, that does explain that. Though I refuse to give the Stuthor this point because other than describing Oobleck’s speech as “fast”, he has not established that this is how Oobleck speaks.
"Well yascrew the rules, I have green hair… Of course!" Yang said, Oobleck wasn't amused.
[Kirby]: And neither am I.
[Fufu]: But...Yang was agreeing with him. Why would he be amused or not amused at all? Or was it something in how she said it?
[Kirby]: Yang wasn’t making a joke here, Oobleck shouldn’t be amused. He was concerned about about how seriously they were taking the mission.
[Talon]: This is what happens when you don’t bother to describe things such as inflections in speech, facial expressions or emotions.
After taking down another pack.
[Kirby]: That’s not a complete sentence. And if you meant for it to be a lead in, then it needed a colon.
"Tell me Yang. Why did you choose this line of work?" Oobleck asked.
"Well, to fight monsters and save-" Yang started.
"No! That is what you do! I want to know why you do it." Oobleck interrupted. "The honest reason you chose to be a Huntress."
"The honest reason? I'm a thrill seeker! I wanna get wrapped up in as many crazy adventures as I can while I travel the world! Huntresses help people along the way so it's a win-win, ya know?" Yang answered.
[Kirby]: Why are there so many exclamation points here? Yang wasn’t excited while saying this, she was more… uncertain? Like she didn’t quite believe what she was saying.
[Talon]: Because that would mean giving Yang’s motivation some actual thought. I’m betting this is more of a case of that these words are how the Stuthor feels, because being a Hunter looks cool. And as we know, the Stuthor struggles to see anything as grey. So the fact that Yang doesn’t entirely mean what she’s actually saying? Completely goes over his head.
"I see." Oobleck responded.
Later as they cut down another pack.
[Kirby]: See my previous gripe.
"And what about you Miss Schnee? A girl born into fame and fortune such as yourself certainly doesn't need the extra work, so. Why choose this over a cushy job at Atlas?" Oobleck asked.
"It's just like you said, I'm a Schnee, I have a legacy of honor to uphold. Once I realized I was capable of fighting, there wasn't a question of what I would do with my life. It was my duty." Weiss answered.
[Kirby]: In an automatic way, as if she had given that answer many times before.
"Interesting." Oobleck said.
Blake cut down a door and a bunch of juvenile Nevermore(s) came out and she shot them all down.
"And what about you Blake? You seem to carry yourself with a sense of purpose." Oobleck pointed out.
"My purpose is pretty clear to see now that I don't wear my bow.
[Kirby]: *hurp* Sorry, I just barfed a little.
[Talon]: NO, IT’S NOT CLEAR! What does her race have to do with indicating her purpose?! Stop being racist, Stuthor! Blake’s a person, just like anyone else, and she can have her own motives based on her experiences. It’s not determined by her race!
There is too much corruption in the world and someone needs to stop it." Blake explained.
"I agree. How though?" Oobleck asked.
"I…um…" Blake looked down.
"Hmm…" Was all Oobleck said before dashing away and finding AJ alone and observing a Beowolf as it evaporated.
[Fufu]: Yeah, its totally not creepy that he watches his kill disintegrate right in front of him, which I assume would be the equivalent of a murderer watching the life fade from their victim’s eyes.
[Kirby]: That is the best part though.
"Ozpin just recently told me of your decision. Why did you do that? Why did you stay here and become a Huntsman in training?" Oobleck asked the boy.
AJ stood up and looked at him. "I have friends here that I never thought I would have, I have a girlfriend, something I was certain I would never have, I have incredible powers and skills, and there are a lot of evil things out there that want to kill us all. I stayed because I have people I care about here, and I help the world with every Grimm I kill." He explained.
[Kirby]: So, you want to be a Huntsman because you like to kill Grimm and protect people, you know, what Oobleck told Yang earlier “is what you do” not “why you do it”.
[Fufu]: Even though you’ve already implied that you used to have a girlfriend, you’ve flip flopped over whether you had one friend or a group of friends back in your home, and that last line; “I stayed because I have people I care about here [...]” What, and your parents didn’t care about you? Did you not care about your parents? And I love how one of the things he highlights that he likes about this world is the cool powers he gets. Powers which he, logically, shouldn’t have. But he still lists it as a reason for staying. Because fuck being normal!
[Talon]: As far as I can tell, this is Boy admitting he has no friends and never had a girlfriend. I mean, why would he be surprised he’d have friends or a girlfriend if he had them before? This isn’t the same as “I never expect I could make friends here of all places!”. This sounds more like “oh, wow! I actually have people that like me! I don’t have to feel like a loser anymore!” which honestly would be interesting if it was meant to be played that way, except it’s not.
"If that is your choice." Oobleck said before they went and joined with RWBY.
[Kirby]: Even Oobleck sounds disappointed by AJ’s dull motivation.
"Oh! Doctor! Uh… Are we ready to keep going?" Ruby said when she saw Oobleck.
[Kirby]: She had been goofing off with Zwei until she saw Dr. Oobleck coming, and quickly tried to pretend she hadn’t been.
"Nope! I'm afraid this will have to do for the day, it's going to be dark soon." Oobleck said and threw his bag to Yang. "You three, set up camp in that building. Oh, and do make sure there aren't any more of those… creatures. AJ, your leader, and I are going to secure the perimeter. Come on you two!" He said and Ruby, AJ, and Zwei followed him.
[Talon]: This is me being really nitpicky, but I don’t feel like being nice. Oobleck should have said “Your leader, AJ and I” because the order of pronouns is “second person before third person, and third person before first person”. I don’t care if it’s in speech. Oobleck presents himself as a Doctor and intellectual, so his character would not make such a simple mistake. Thus, I’m putting this against the Stuthor for not double checking his work.
[Kirby]: Of course he’d put his name first, he’s the most important after all!
They turned a corner and came to a cliff that overlooked a forest outside the city and a herd of very large Grimm that looked like elephants were clearly visible.
[Kirby]: They were FUCKING HUGE! Easily taller than all the trees around them!
"Whoa!" Ruby and AJ said in awe.
"What is that thing?" Ruby asked. "It looks awesome!"
"That my dear girl… is a Grimm." Oobleck answered.
"Let's kill it." Ruby said pulling out Crescent Rose.
[Fufu]: Yeah, let’s just leave out that brief pause and Ruby’s cheerful tone. Kirby, remind me if author here continues this come volume 3 that we should have a count for whenever he ruins jokes. It’d be easier to count this shit than to just say it.
[Kirby]: Aye aye dearie!
"I'm afraid your sniper rifle will do little more than aggravate a Grimm of that size." Oobleck said.
[Talon]: I saw the word “sniper rifle” here and thought it sounded off. So I had to check this out in a video, and this is actually what was said in canon. However, in that video, Ruby has Crescent Rose in gun mode, which the Stuthor neglected to mention here. Thanks to that lack of detail, this comment doesn’t make sense because I’m going to assume that “pulling out Crescent Rose” meant it was still looking like a scythe at that moment.
"But, what if it attacks us?" Ruby asked.
"Fret not Ruby. Those Goliaths are not concerned with us. Not every Grimm is mindless, or not every Grimm is still mindless. The Grimm you see before us are so powerful, so superior to the Grimm you've fought, they've undoubtedly lived hundreds of years." Oobleck explained.
"Wow." AJ said impressed.
[Kirby]: Will you just go away. Your existence serves no purpose.
"And in their time between killing humans and attacking our borders, they've done one important thing, they've learned. They've learned that if they attack our borders, they are likely to die. What we lack in strength, we make up for in will." Oobleck said.
[Kirby]: “And that killing one human will only bring more.” If you’re going to transcribe a scene, then friggin do the whole scene.
[Fufu]: Ah but Kirby, why would he do that, when he could just cut corners and skip some of the dialogue or shorten it? Not to mention that we see later on in this chapter that he does outright shorten a scene because the author cannot be arsed to transcribe canon no more.
One of the Goliaths looked at them and AJ felt its hatred.
[Talon]: That’s because even Grimm hate Gary Stus, and the Goliaths have had centuries to learn how to spot one on sight.
He felt it overwhelming him and he let out his Aura to resist the evil that it was giving off.
"Why did you do that?" Ruby asked.
"I could feel it's hatred… It hated us so… much I don't know how it holds itself back." AJ explained.
[Kirby]: Well look at that, a creature of Grimm has more restraint than you.
"What are they doing then if they hate us so much but won't attack?" Ruby asked the Doctor.
"Waiting." Was the answer. The Grimm looked away and AJ didn't feel its hatred trying to get to him anymore.
Oobleck started to walk back to the others. "Doctor Oobleck. I've been wondering." Ruby said.
"Wondering why I've been interrogating your team?" Oobleck guessed.
"Actually, I was wondering, why did you become a Huntsman?" Ruby asked.
"Look around and tell me what you see."
"Empty streets… dust old buildings." Ruby said.
"A dangerous place that used to be a livable area." AJ said.
[Talon]: Oh yeah… Boy’s still in this scene too. I almost forgot.
"I see lives that could have been saved. As a Huntsman, it is my job to protect the people. And while I can do it with traditional weaponry, I believe I can make a much larger impact if I do it with my mind. As a teacher I am able to take knowledge, the most powerful weapon of them all and place it into the hands of every student that passes through my classroom. I look at this wasteland and I see lives that could have been saved, but I also see an opportunity, an opportunity to study these ruins, and learn from this tragedy, and therefore become stronger. I am a Huntsman Ruby, because there is nothing else in this world, that I would rather be." Oobleck finished and they continued the walk back to the others.
[Kirby]: Okay, first, shout out to Joel for friggin’ awesome line delivery here. Second, WHY DO YOU NOT DESCRIBE OOBLECK EMOTIONS HERE?! WHY DO YOU RUIN AMAZING SPEECHES BY PUTTING THEM IN THESE WALLS OF TEXT?! WHY DO YOU SUCK SO BAD?!
[Fufu]: Y’know...in an ironic twist - though it is once again reminiscent of freaking Stephenie Meyer - the author has actually went backwards in terms of his writing style. He hasn’t actually improved at all. Yeah, it was still bad in the beginning since there were more text block paragraphs and run-on sentences, not to mention the grammar failure, but compared to now and this lazy pile of shit the author has thrown at our door, those early chapters were practically Shakespearean masterpieces.
[Kirby]: At least they were shorter.
[Fufu]: That too.
"Ah! A textbook campfire! Well done!" Oobleck said as he dashed into the destroyed room. "Now! Eat your dinners and hurry to bed! We have a lot of ground to cover tomorrow, and will need you to take turns keeping watch over our temporary abode! Any volunteers for first watch?" Oobleck asked.
"I nominate Oobleck!" AJ yelled suddenly, smiling.
"What!? AJ Don't you dare!" Oobleck said angry at the sudden prank being pulled on him.
[Talon]: Um… no. That wouldn’t be how Oobleck would respond to this. He’s the teacher here, and the one overseeing this mission. If anything, he’d probably turn the tables on Boy and have Boy nominated to do the first watch instead. My god, I don’t even know this fandom and even I could tell how OOC that was.
[Fufu]: It does sort of say something when someone who hasn’t even seen the show (yet) can call bullshit on how a character acts. Now on the one hand, Oobleck does have something of a slightly eccentric personality, but you are still correct in saying that Oobleck is still a professional person. He wouldn’t lower himself down to childish japes like “Bagsy not it!”
"I second that!" Yang said smiling and going with it.
"What!" Oobleck asked surprised
[Fufu]: Surprised: “Dude, leave me the fuck out of this.”
"I'll do it!" Ruby said.
"Thank you Ruby!" Oobleck said and quickly sped off.
"You're no fun." AJ said to Ruby who ignored him and walked away with Zwei following to take watch.
AJ took a spot against the wall and set his 'bed' horizontally along the wall, leaving him close to Blake, but far from the fire, and looked out one of the windows. Blake noticed his ears were twitching a lot and his tail was flicking, which was a clear indication he was annoyed, she was about to try and comfort him when he suddenly activated his ice dust and shot an ice spike out the window into the street below and heard a cry of pain from a Beowolf,
[Kirby]: Which alerted the rest of the pack to start towards their camp. Honestly, do you think anything through?
[Talon]: If he did, then he wouldn’t have published such a shitty fic.
she decided to leave him be. Only Yang was less inclined to leave him be.
[Kirby]: If this were canon!Yang, then it would be because she’s worried about him. But this is fic!Yang, so she’s just being a busybody.
"What's wrong AJ?" Yang asked.
"This whole place is oppressive." AJ said grumpily.
"Well it is a ruin of a city after all." Yang responded.
"No, I feel strong negative emotion everywhere. I don't know why I can feel all these strong emotions, but I can,
[Fufu]: So we’ll just add “sensitive to the atmosphere” to that list of powers then?
[Kirby]: I guess he completed Hetaquest then.
and the whole place just ends up being oppressive. The emotions are rubbing off on me and it frankly is pissing me off."
[Fufu]: ...Wow. Just a reminder folks about what Mountain Glenn was; it was meant to be an expansion. We see in the show that, even with some of the work still going on, people had already moved in and were living in this area. And then it became overrun with Grimm. As we will find out soon enough in this chapter, in order to escape the onslaught, the people took refuge underground. However Vale’s government couldn’t risk Grimm getting into the main area of the city in any way, so they blocked off the underground city. Oobleck really did describe it best when he called it “the world’s largest tomb”.
[Fufu]: People were terrorised in this place, and then they died, either by Grimm or by eventual lack of supplies. And this pisses AJ off. He is not feeling empathy, nor is he feeling an overwhelming surge of despair over what happened here. That is just disgusting.
He said shooting another ice spike at another poor unsuspecting Beowolf.
[Talon]: *singing to the sound of church bells* What makes a monster, and what makes a man?
Yang left him alone after that and they all decided to try to sleep. Blake would check on him every few minutes and see him with his back to the wall sitting down on his bed, looking to his right, his eyes were either closed or opened, either way he clearly was frustrated. She wanted to help but found herself falling asleep and wished him the best of luck.
She found herself conscious again and opened her eyes seeing it was later at night, she closed her eyes again but soon heard a voice.
"Hey Blake, you awake?" Yang asked.
"YaAll the homo!."
"Why do you think he asked us about being a Huntress?" Yang asked. "Like, what was he trying to say?
Blake opened her eyes. "Maybe he was just curious."
"You think so?"
"…No."
Yang sighed. "Weiss? You awake?"
"Of course I'm awake! You two are talking!" Weiss said harshly as usual.
[Kirby]: Author, this is volume two. Sure, Weiss is still curt when annoyed, but she’s mellowed out a bit at this point. Cut her some damned slack.
"And I think he… when I said I wanted to honor my family's name, I meant it. But, it's not what you think. I'm not stupid. I know what my father has done to the Schnee Dust Company. Since he took control, we've operated in a… moral grey area." Weiss said.
"That's putting it lightly." Blake said.
"Which is why I want to put things right!" Weiss said sitting up. "If I had taken a job in Atlas, it wouldn't have changed anything… My father was not the start of our name, I refuse to let him be the end of it." Weiss said lying back down.
[Kirby]: Since this part is mostly just transcribing canon, let’s talk headcanons. Have you noticed that Weiss never refers to the SDC as her father’s company? She either calls it the Schnee Dust Company or “my grandfather’s company”. So, I headcanon that Weiss was close to her grandfather and has the same nostalgia for the time he ran the company as Blake does for the early days of the White Fang. And as a follow up headcanon, Papa Schnee did something immoral to take over the company.
"All my life, I fought for what I thought was right. I had a partner, named Adam. More of a mentor, really. He always assured me that what we were doing would make the world a better place. But of course his idea of a perfect future turned out to be… not perfect for everyone. I joined the academy, because I knew Huntsman and Huntresses are regarded as the most noble warriors in the world. Always fighting for good. I never really thought past that. When I leave the academy, what will I… How can I fix so many years of hate?" Blake asked.
[Kirby]: Blake headcanon! She’s an orphan and was raised by members of the White Fang. She started wearing the bow because she wanted to be able to go into town to buy books. The bow also protects her ears, as the material is very strong.
"I'm sure you'll figure it out. You aren't one to back down from a challenge." Yang said.
"But I am! I do it all the time! When you learned I was a member of the White Fang I didn't know what to do so I ran! When I realized my oldest partner had become a monster I ran! Even my semblance! I was born with the ability to leap behind a shadow of myself. An empty copy that takes the hit while I run away. I saw AJ learn how to copy my ability, but he doesn't run and hide, he dodges and the copy even fights back. There is no cowardice in his version of it." Blake said sadly.
[Talon]: Oh bugger off, Stuthor. Blake has some serious issues. Don’t use Boy to undermine and belittle how Blake feels.
"At least you all have something that drives you." Yang started depressed as well. "I've just kind of always, gone with the flow, you know? And that's fine, I mean it's who I am! But how long can I really do that for? I wanna be a Huntress, not really because I wanna be a hero, but because I want the adventure! I want a life where I won't know what tomorrow will bring, and that will be a good thing! Being a Huntress just happens to line up with that. I'm not like AJ or Ruby… I heard AJ say he is becoming a Huntsman because we are doing it as well, he just wants to be with his friends and kill Grimm because that helps the world. He wants friends and to help the world, that's it!
[Fufu]: And that could be a legit reason for what he does and why he’s doing this. Granted, it would still be marred slightly by the fact that AJ is willingly staying here instead of still trying to get home, but even then, that could be turned around. Maybe AJ thought it’d take too long to find a way home, or that it would never happen, so he decided to stay. Though he could still encourage Ozpin to keep trying in the event that he could return home.
So having addressed how that problem could’ve been made better, we now have this here; why AJ wants to be a Hunter. What Yang says here could actually be really tragic (If AJ’s backstory was also improved, but I’m already rambling enough as it is) and paint the picture of a young boy so desperate for friends he’s willing to take what is one of the most dangerous jobs in this world. And then as he goes along, he finds that he wants to genuinely help people and do good things. He wants to be that hero and he wants to have friends. He’s risking his life to have these things, never once thinking about whether or not this is something he truly wants to do, or if he’s sure this is right for him.
[Talon]: However, that would mean that there’d actually be some source of conflict in this fic, and we all know that conflict is bad!
[Fufu]: Not to mention that it would mean-- *gasp* character development!
And Ruby… Ruby always wanted to be like the hero's ([Kirby]: “heroes”) in the books before she even knew she could fight. They aren't conflicted like we are." Yang said.
"Well Ruby is still just a kid." Weiss pointed out.
"We all are." AJ's grumpy voice pointed out and everyone looked to see him still looking to his right out the window while sitting in his bed instead of lying in it, he had his arms crossed and his face still showed frustration.
[Talon]: HOLD IT! Boy was awake this entire time and he didn’t at all bother to join in this talk with his teammates?! Stuthor, do you really see how much he doesn’t fit into this canon? Three of the girls are having a genuine heart to heart moment. They’re bonding over their troubles. Yet Boy was intentionally not joining in, despite how they mentioned him, and despite how upset they all were. This honestly would have been a good moment to have Boy join in to show that he truly is bonding with everyone. Except he doesn’t do that. He doesn’t get involved at all, despite claiming that they’re his friends. Which actually proves to us that he really isn’t friends with them if he can’t actually get involved in such a heartfelt moment.
"Oh, AJ. I didn't know you were awake. Have you even slept yet?" Blake asked getting up to go sit with him.
"I take hours to get to sleep in a comfy bed, I immediately knew I wasn't gonna fall asleep when I sat here." AJ said and when Blake sat to his left he didn't even turn to her.
[Fufu]: *scowls* Well I’m sorry AJ, but the Nevermore feather stuffed pillows and sheets you ordered didn’t quite get delivered on time for your trip. So you’re stuck roughing it like everyone else. Now man the fuck up.
Blake decided he wouldn't get mad at her and tried putting a hand on his shoulder, he didn't relax much but it was there, so she started petting him.
"We really aren't kids anymore." Yang said. "I mean come on. We're in a war zone and armed to the teeth!" AJ gave in when Blake began scratching behind his ear and started purring, leaning on Blake's shoulder.
"It's the life we chose." Blake said as she guided his head to her lap.
"It's a job. We all have this romanticized vision-" Weiss went on but AJ found their voices, and his purring, and the crackling of the fire were all muffled and his eyes were heavy.
[Kirby]: Because fuck what Weiss has to say.
He soon happily gave in to sleep while using Blake's lap as a pillow and being pet by her. Blake wouldn't bring herself to get up and ended up falling asleep there with her hand on his head.
[Talon]: This seriously does not fit as an ending to this scene. Look at what were the last things each girl said. Now look at what’s going on with Boy. The things the girls are saying are actually tragic. Then there’s Boy, who is just purring blissfully, not giving a fuck about anyone’s issues, as long as he’s happy.
[Kirby]: Not to mention that he just contradicted himself for the thousandth time. He said he wouldn’t be able to sleep, and there he goes nodding off in the middle of a conversation.
[Fufu]: And the final point; Blake couldn’t bear to leave her damn man hanging, so she just slept there. How exactly was she sleeping? Was she leaning against the pillar or did she just end up falling asleep with nothing to lean against? All because AJ was sleeping on her lap and she didn’t want to move and disturb him. Yeah, she’s so waking up with a bad neck or back. Good job AJ, you’ve just lowered your entire team’s efficiency.
[Kirby]: Not. A. Thing.
of the pack alone and wanting revenge for the killing of his pack. He looked at Blake and saw she was looking at him, instead of getting lost in her alluring eyes he saw the serious look on them and it spurred him to fight.
[Fufu]: ...He could easily have gotten lost in her eyes during a serious battle. Holy mother of- You are legit Bella here, AJ. And yes, I’m saying that you are the frail demure lady protag.
They both nodded and Blake threw her weapon at him. He caught it and activated his Semblance before throwing it back to her.
[Kirby]: One; Blake can handle a Beowolf on her own. Two; AJ is supposedly very fast so why did Blake need to throw her weapon at him? Three; in order for AJ to do this, Blake rendered herself defenseless RIGHT IN FRONT OF SAID BEOWOLF. Four; HE HAS A WEAPON! HE DOESN’T NEED BLAKE’S!
His jeans turned black and a white Gambol Shroud appeared in his hands. Him and Blake both threw their weapons at the same time and it went over the Alpha's shoulders, they both pulled and fired their weapon at the same time, it came back and took off both its arms. They fired again and the weapons went back towards it taking off its legs, they fired again and their weapons both hit its neck taking its head off, all in an instant.
[Fufu]: “They fired...they fired...they fired…” Jesus christ, the repetition and the run-on sentence just threw me off there. I was legit confuddled reading that, like “whaa?”
[Talon]: All of that above was one paragraph, mind you. Without either of Kirby’s or Fufu’s comments, that would have remained as one big wall of text. And I’ve already gone into how paragraphs in fighting sequences shouldn’t contain so many separate actions in it. This though… hoo boy, where do I even begin?
[Talon]: The first problem, barring the canon fail Kirby has pointed out about Alpha Beowolves not being a thing, is how when there is only one opponent left, ONLY Blake and Boy turn to it. There is a group of five fighters, and only two of them noticed that loud roar? I’m not buying it.
[Talon]: The second problem is what Fufu pointed out: how the hell can your character legit be thinking of getting lost in his love interest’s eyes when a serious battle is going on?! If your character can’t take the battle seriously, then why should your readers?! Of course, that’s not the only problem with including that line, but we’d be here all day if I had to go into everything wrong about this. Plus, I trust you readers understand all the stupidity and horrible implications associated to Boy’s line of thinking here.
[Talon]: The third problem is that a look from Blake is what spurred Boy into fighting. For one, he was already fighting so he didn’t need to be spurred! And what about the safety of your other friends? You didn’t even consider your friends’ safety as a motivation to fight, and yet you claim to be protective of them! You’ve also defeated the purpose of the whole demon transformation drama back a few chapters ago, where you caused a shit storm because Ruby might die. If right now, you couldn’t consider your friends’ safety as a reason to keep on fighting, I have no reason to believe you actually cared about Ruby’s death because you don’t want to see her die. Instead, I think you just wanted an excuse to rampage!
[Talon]: And what about doing it as your job as a Hunter? None of that even enters the picture here! No, it’s just because Blake is going to fight, and you can’t let her take the glory. That’s what this is.
[Talon]: Problems four to seven are already covered by Kirby as she points out about why Boy copying Blake’s weapon is stupid. Actually, make that problems four to eight, because her point about Blake being able to handle a Beowolf on her own needs to be repeated. Boy, if Blake did something on her own in canon, then there’s no need to muscle in on it! Back the fuck off and let Blake have her day in the lime light.
[Talon]: And the last problem, problem nine, is Fufu’s point that the overuse of “they fired” is being repetitive. My god, was this just written so damn horrendously! This is supposed to be the final death of the biggest and strongest in the pack of Beowolves. Yet it’s reduced to a muddled wall of text saying “they fired, they fired again, fired again, fired again”. An action sequence should not be reading like a student struggling to stretch points in their essay to reach the minimum word count. It should be fast paced, it should be tense, it should read like it’s actually happening, and most importantly, it should have emotion!
[Talon]: So, including these nine problems, overall, I have gone through 20-21 issues on why the Stuthor has ruined a fighting scene in this section alone. This is honestly not a long section. Yet, I am betting that I haven’t even scratched the surface on how many things were done wrong. The Stuthor has honestly got to be doing his best to not try at all to be failing a fighting scene this badly. So, with all this fail, I can only conclude that…
[Talon]:
"Heh. Piece of cake!" Ruby said now that the pack was dead.
"Do not celebrate yet. For I am sure this is the first bout of many." Oobleck said. And he was right, they would go through quite a few more packs of Beowolfs while Oobleck looked at plants and did anything but help them, team RWBY was pretty tired after all the encounters, AJ was only breathing heavily like he had been on a run and he actually kept bouncing between his left and right foot like he had energy he wanted to let out. All this as opposed to the others who are hunched over and out of breath.
[Fufu]: BECAUSE AJ CAN DO NO FUCKING WRONG AND LIKE HE EVER GETS FUCKING TIRED FROM HAVING TO DO THINGS OVER AND OVER WITHOUT PAUSE.
"Excellent work everyone!" Oobleck said.
[Talon]: (Oobleck): “Except you, AJ. Yes, I saw you hiding behind your team’s efforts and only swooping in to take the kill. Next pack of Grimm we face, I feel it’s only fair you take them on yourself and allow your team members to rest.”
"Fortunately there doesn't seem to be any signs of criminal activity in this sector… Oh well! Moving on!" Oobleck said and started to walk away.
"Hey, Doc, you know, I was kind of hoping to see a pro Huntsman in action. Like, fighting, or helping us fight!" Yang complained.
"Ah! But I am in action! Scouring this once great city for any signs of irregularity!" Oobleck said with enthusiasm before turning serious. "Not every mission is filled with daring and heroism! Sometimes it's just a heightened form of extermination!([Kirby]: “examination”) Remember! This is a job! And you all signed up for it! I do hope you understand that." Oobleck said.
[Talon]: What’s with all the exclamation marks? Especially after Oobleck’s been described as being serious.
[Kirby]: Actually, I think most of those exclamation points are okay. Joel, who voices Oobleck, is the only person I’ve seen who has mastered “yell-whispering”. He most always sounds like he’s yelling even when he’s speaking normally, ergo the exclamation points. Though I would have removed the last exclamation point, because he did tone it down there.
[Talon]: Well, that does explain that. Though I refuse to give the Stuthor this point because other than describing Oobleck’s speech as “fast”, he has not established that this is how Oobleck speaks.
"Well yascrew the rules, I have green hair… Of course!" Yang said, Oobleck wasn't amused.
[Kirby]: And neither am I.
[Fufu]: But...Yang was agreeing with him. Why would he be amused or not amused at all? Or was it something in how she said it?
[Kirby]: Yang wasn’t making a joke here, Oobleck shouldn’t be amused. He was concerned about about how seriously they were taking the mission.
[Talon]: This is what happens when you don’t bother to describe things such as inflections in speech, facial expressions or emotions.
After taking down another pack.
[Kirby]: That’s not a complete sentence. And if you meant for it to be a lead in, then it needed a colon.
"Tell me Yang. Why did you choose this line of work?" Oobleck asked.
"Well, to fight monsters and save-" Yang started.
"No! That is what you do! I want to know why you do it." Oobleck interrupted. "The honest reason you chose to be a Huntress."
"The honest reason? I'm a thrill seeker! I wanna get wrapped up in as many crazy adventures as I can while I travel the world! Huntresses help people along the way so it's a win-win, ya know?" Yang answered.
[Kirby]: Why are there so many exclamation points here? Yang wasn’t excited while saying this, she was more… uncertain? Like she didn’t quite believe what she was saying.
[Talon]: Because that would mean giving Yang’s motivation some actual thought. I’m betting this is more of a case of that these words are how the Stuthor feels, because being a Hunter looks cool. And as we know, the Stuthor struggles to see anything as grey. So the fact that Yang doesn’t entirely mean what she’s actually saying? Completely goes over his head.
"I see." Oobleck responded.
Later as they cut down another pack.
[Kirby]: See my previous gripe.
"And what about you Miss Schnee? A girl born into fame and fortune such as yourself certainly doesn't need the extra work, so. Why choose this over a cushy job at Atlas?" Oobleck asked.
"It's just like you said, I'm a Schnee, I have a legacy of honor to uphold. Once I realized I was capable of fighting, there wasn't a question of what I would do with my life. It was my duty." Weiss answered.
[Kirby]: In an automatic way, as if she had given that answer many times before.
"Interesting." Oobleck said.
Blake cut down a door and a bunch of juvenile Nevermore(s) came out and she shot them all down.
"And what about you Blake? You seem to carry yourself with a sense of purpose." Oobleck pointed out.
"My purpose is pretty clear to see now that I don't wear my bow.
[Kirby]: *hurp* Sorry, I just barfed a little.
[Talon]: NO, IT’S NOT CLEAR! What does her race have to do with indicating her purpose?! Stop being racist, Stuthor! Blake’s a person, just like anyone else, and she can have her own motives based on her experiences. It’s not determined by her race!
There is too much corruption in the world and someone needs to stop it." Blake explained.
"I agree. How though?" Oobleck asked.
"I…um…" Blake looked down.
"Hmm…" Was all Oobleck said before dashing away and finding AJ alone and observing a Beowolf as it evaporated.
[Fufu]: Yeah, its totally not creepy that he watches his kill disintegrate right in front of him, which I assume would be the equivalent of a murderer watching the life fade from their victim’s eyes.
[Kirby]: That is the best part though.
"Ozpin just recently told me of your decision. Why did you do that? Why did you stay here and become a Huntsman in training?" Oobleck asked the boy.
AJ stood up and looked at him. "I have friends here that I never thought I would have, I have a girlfriend, something I was certain I would never have, I have incredible powers and skills, and there are a lot of evil things out there that want to kill us all. I stayed because I have people I care about here, and I help the world with every Grimm I kill." He explained.
[Kirby]: So, you want to be a Huntsman because you like to kill Grimm and protect people, you know, what Oobleck told Yang earlier “is what you do” not “why you do it”.
[Fufu]: Even though you’ve already implied that you used to have a girlfriend, you’ve flip flopped over whether you had one friend or a group of friends back in your home, and that last line; “I stayed because I have people I care about here [...]” What, and your parents didn’t care about you? Did you not care about your parents? And I love how one of the things he highlights that he likes about this world is the cool powers he gets. Powers which he, logically, shouldn’t have. But he still lists it as a reason for staying. Because fuck being normal!
[Talon]: As far as I can tell, this is Boy admitting he has no friends and never had a girlfriend. I mean, why would he be surprised he’d have friends or a girlfriend if he had them before? This isn’t the same as “I never expect I could make friends here of all places!”. This sounds more like “oh, wow! I actually have people that like me! I don’t have to feel like a loser anymore!” which honestly would be interesting if it was meant to be played that way, except it’s not.
"If that is your choice." Oobleck said before they went and joined with RWBY.
[Kirby]: Even Oobleck sounds disappointed by AJ’s dull motivation.
"Oh! Doctor! Uh… Are we ready to keep going?" Ruby said when she saw Oobleck.
[Kirby]: She had been goofing off with Zwei until she saw Dr. Oobleck coming, and quickly tried to pretend she hadn’t been.
"Nope! I'm afraid this will have to do for the day, it's going to be dark soon." Oobleck said and threw his bag to Yang. "You three, set up camp in that building. Oh, and do make sure there aren't any more of those… creatures. AJ, your leader, and I are going to secure the perimeter. Come on you two!" He said and Ruby, AJ, and Zwei followed him.
[Talon]: This is me being really nitpicky, but I don’t feel like being nice. Oobleck should have said “Your leader, AJ and I” because the order of pronouns is “second person before third person, and third person before first person”. I don’t care if it’s in speech. Oobleck presents himself as a Doctor and intellectual, so his character would not make such a simple mistake. Thus, I’m putting this against the Stuthor for not double checking his work.
[Kirby]: Of course he’d put his name first, he’s the most important after all!
They turned a corner and came to a cliff that overlooked a forest outside the city and a herd of very large Grimm that looked like elephants were clearly visible.
[Kirby]: They were FUCKING HUGE! Easily taller than all the trees around them!
"Whoa!" Ruby and AJ said in awe.
"What is that thing?" Ruby asked. "It looks awesome!"
"That my dear girl… is a Grimm." Oobleck answered.
"Let's kill it." Ruby said pulling out Crescent Rose.
[Fufu]: Yeah, let’s just leave out that brief pause and Ruby’s cheerful tone. Kirby, remind me if author here continues this come volume 3 that we should have a count for whenever he ruins jokes. It’d be easier to count this shit than to just say it.
[Kirby]: Aye aye dearie!
"I'm afraid your sniper rifle will do little more than aggravate a Grimm of that size." Oobleck said.
[Talon]: I saw the word “sniper rifle” here and thought it sounded off. So I had to check this out in a video, and this is actually what was said in canon. However, in that video, Ruby has Crescent Rose in gun mode, which the Stuthor neglected to mention here. Thanks to that lack of detail, this comment doesn’t make sense because I’m going to assume that “pulling out Crescent Rose” meant it was still looking like a scythe at that moment.
"But, what if it attacks us?" Ruby asked.
"Fret not Ruby. Those Goliaths are not concerned with us. Not every Grimm is mindless, or not every Grimm is still mindless. The Grimm you see before us are so powerful, so superior to the Grimm you've fought, they've undoubtedly lived hundreds of years." Oobleck explained.
"Wow." AJ said impressed.
[Kirby]: Will you just go away. Your existence serves no purpose.
"And in their time between killing humans and attacking our borders, they've done one important thing, they've learned. They've learned that if they attack our borders, they are likely to die. What we lack in strength, we make up for in will." Oobleck said.
[Kirby]: “And that killing one human will only bring more.” If you’re going to transcribe a scene, then friggin do the whole scene.
[Fufu]: Ah but Kirby, why would he do that, when he could just cut corners and skip some of the dialogue or shorten it? Not to mention that we see later on in this chapter that he does outright shorten a scene because the author cannot be arsed to transcribe canon no more.
One of the Goliaths looked at them and AJ felt its hatred.
[Talon]: That’s because even Grimm hate Gary Stus, and the Goliaths have had centuries to learn how to spot one on sight.
He felt it overwhelming him and he let out his Aura to resist the evil that it was giving off.
"Why did you do that?" Ruby asked.
"I could feel it's hatred… It hated us so… much I don't know how it holds itself back." AJ explained.
[Kirby]: Well look at that, a creature of Grimm has more restraint than you.
"What are they doing then if they hate us so much but won't attack?" Ruby asked the Doctor.
"Waiting." Was the answer. The Grimm looked away and AJ didn't feel its hatred trying to get to him anymore.
Oobleck started to walk back to the others. "Doctor Oobleck. I've been wondering." Ruby said.
"Wondering why I've been interrogating your team?" Oobleck guessed.
"Actually, I was wondering, why did you become a Huntsman?" Ruby asked.
"Look around and tell me what you see."
"Empty streets… dust old buildings." Ruby said.
"A dangerous place that used to be a livable area." AJ said.
[Talon]: Oh yeah… Boy’s still in this scene too. I almost forgot.
"I see lives that could have been saved. As a Huntsman, it is my job to protect the people. And while I can do it with traditional weaponry, I believe I can make a much larger impact if I do it with my mind. As a teacher I am able to take knowledge, the most powerful weapon of them all and place it into the hands of every student that passes through my classroom. I look at this wasteland and I see lives that could have been saved, but I also see an opportunity, an opportunity to study these ruins, and learn from this tragedy, and therefore become stronger. I am a Huntsman Ruby, because there is nothing else in this world, that I would rather be." Oobleck finished and they continued the walk back to the others.
[Kirby]: Okay, first, shout out to Joel for friggin’ awesome line delivery here. Second, WHY DO YOU NOT DESCRIBE OOBLECK EMOTIONS HERE?! WHY DO YOU RUIN AMAZING SPEECHES BY PUTTING THEM IN THESE WALLS OF TEXT?! WHY DO YOU SUCK SO BAD?!
[Fufu]: Y’know...in an ironic twist - though it is once again reminiscent of freaking Stephenie Meyer - the author has actually went backwards in terms of his writing style. He hasn’t actually improved at all. Yeah, it was still bad in the beginning since there were more text block paragraphs and run-on sentences, not to mention the grammar failure, but compared to now and this lazy pile of shit the author has thrown at our door, those early chapters were practically Shakespearean masterpieces.
[Kirby]: At least they were shorter.
[Fufu]: That too.
"Ah! A textbook campfire! Well done!" Oobleck said as he dashed into the destroyed room. "Now! Eat your dinners and hurry to bed! We have a lot of ground to cover tomorrow, and will need you to take turns keeping watch over our temporary abode! Any volunteers for first watch?" Oobleck asked.
"I nominate Oobleck!" AJ yelled suddenly, smiling.
"What!? AJ Don't you dare!" Oobleck said angry at the sudden prank being pulled on him.
[Talon]: Um… no. That wouldn’t be how Oobleck would respond to this. He’s the teacher here, and the one overseeing this mission. If anything, he’d probably turn the tables on Boy and have Boy nominated to do the first watch instead. My god, I don’t even know this fandom and even I could tell how OOC that was.
[Fufu]: It does sort of say something when someone who hasn’t even seen the show (yet) can call bullshit on how a character acts. Now on the one hand, Oobleck does have something of a slightly eccentric personality, but you are still correct in saying that Oobleck is still a professional person. He wouldn’t lower himself down to childish japes like “Bagsy not it!”
"I second that!" Yang said smiling and going with it.
"What!" Oobleck asked surprised
[Fufu]: Surprised: “Dude, leave me the fuck out of this.”
"I'll do it!" Ruby said.
"Thank you Ruby!" Oobleck said and quickly sped off.
"You're no fun." AJ said to Ruby who ignored him and walked away with Zwei following to take watch.
AJ took a spot against the wall and set his 'bed' horizontally along the wall, leaving him close to Blake, but far from the fire, and looked out one of the windows. Blake noticed his ears were twitching a lot and his tail was flicking, which was a clear indication he was annoyed, she was about to try and comfort him when he suddenly activated his ice dust and shot an ice spike out the window into the street below and heard a cry of pain from a Beowolf,
[Kirby]: Which alerted the rest of the pack to start towards their camp. Honestly, do you think anything through?
[Talon]: If he did, then he wouldn’t have published such a shitty fic.
she decided to leave him be. Only Yang was less inclined to leave him be.
[Kirby]: If this were canon!Yang, then it would be because she’s worried about him. But this is fic!Yang, so she’s just being a busybody.
"What's wrong AJ?" Yang asked.
"This whole place is oppressive." AJ said grumpily.
"Well it is a ruin of a city after all." Yang responded.
"No, I feel strong negative emotion everywhere. I don't know why I can feel all these strong emotions, but I can,
[Fufu]: So we’ll just add “sensitive to the atmosphere” to that list of powers then?
[Kirby]: I guess he completed Hetaquest then.
and the whole place just ends up being oppressive. The emotions are rubbing off on me and it frankly is pissing me off."
[Fufu]: ...Wow. Just a reminder folks about what Mountain Glenn was; it was meant to be an expansion. We see in the show that, even with some of the work still going on, people had already moved in and were living in this area. And then it became overrun with Grimm. As we will find out soon enough in this chapter, in order to escape the onslaught, the people took refuge underground. However Vale’s government couldn’t risk Grimm getting into the main area of the city in any way, so they blocked off the underground city. Oobleck really did describe it best when he called it “the world’s largest tomb”.
[Fufu]: People were terrorised in this place, and then they died, either by Grimm or by eventual lack of supplies. And this pisses AJ off. He is not feeling empathy, nor is he feeling an overwhelming surge of despair over what happened here. That is just disgusting.
He said shooting another ice spike at another poor unsuspecting Beowolf.
[Talon]: *singing to the sound of church bells* What makes a monster, and what makes a man?
Yang left him alone after that and they all decided to try to sleep. Blake would check on him every few minutes and see him with his back to the wall sitting down on his bed, looking to his right, his eyes were either closed or opened, either way he clearly was frustrated. She wanted to help but found herself falling asleep and wished him the best of luck.
She found herself conscious again and opened her eyes seeing it was later at night, she closed her eyes again but soon heard a voice.
"Hey Blake, you awake?" Yang asked.
"YaAll the homo!."
"Why do you think he asked us about being a Huntress?" Yang asked. "Like, what was he trying to say?
Blake opened her eyes. "Maybe he was just curious."
"You think so?"
"…No."
Yang sighed. "Weiss? You awake?"
"Of course I'm awake! You two are talking!" Weiss said harshly as usual.
[Kirby]: Author, this is volume two. Sure, Weiss is still curt when annoyed, but she’s mellowed out a bit at this point. Cut her some damned slack.
"And I think he… when I said I wanted to honor my family's name, I meant it. But, it's not what you think. I'm not stupid. I know what my father has done to the Schnee Dust Company. Since he took control, we've operated in a… moral grey area." Weiss said.
"That's putting it lightly." Blake said.
"Which is why I want to put things right!" Weiss said sitting up. "If I had taken a job in Atlas, it wouldn't have changed anything… My father was not the start of our name, I refuse to let him be the end of it." Weiss said lying back down.
[Kirby]: Since this part is mostly just transcribing canon, let’s talk headcanons. Have you noticed that Weiss never refers to the SDC as her father’s company? She either calls it the Schnee Dust Company or “my grandfather’s company”. So, I headcanon that Weiss was close to her grandfather and has the same nostalgia for the time he ran the company as Blake does for the early days of the White Fang. And as a follow up headcanon, Papa Schnee did something immoral to take over the company.
"All my life, I fought for what I thought was right. I had a partner, named Adam. More of a mentor, really. He always assured me that what we were doing would make the world a better place. But of course his idea of a perfect future turned out to be… not perfect for everyone. I joined the academy, because I knew Huntsman and Huntresses are regarded as the most noble warriors in the world. Always fighting for good. I never really thought past that. When I leave the academy, what will I… How can I fix so many years of hate?" Blake asked.
[Kirby]: Blake headcanon! She’s an orphan and was raised by members of the White Fang. She started wearing the bow because she wanted to be able to go into town to buy books. The bow also protects her ears, as the material is very strong.
"I'm sure you'll figure it out. You aren't one to back down from a challenge." Yang said.
"But I am! I do it all the time! When you learned I was a member of the White Fang I didn't know what to do so I ran! When I realized my oldest partner had become a monster I ran! Even my semblance! I was born with the ability to leap behind a shadow of myself. An empty copy that takes the hit while I run away. I saw AJ learn how to copy my ability, but he doesn't run and hide, he dodges and the copy even fights back. There is no cowardice in his version of it." Blake said sadly.
[Talon]: Oh bugger off, Stuthor. Blake has some serious issues. Don’t use Boy to undermine and belittle how Blake feels.
"At least you all have something that drives you." Yang started depressed as well. "I've just kind of always, gone with the flow, you know? And that's fine, I mean it's who I am! But how long can I really do that for? I wanna be a Huntress, not really because I wanna be a hero, but because I want the adventure! I want a life where I won't know what tomorrow will bring, and that will be a good thing! Being a Huntress just happens to line up with that. I'm not like AJ or Ruby… I heard AJ say he is becoming a Huntsman because we are doing it as well, he just wants to be with his friends and kill Grimm because that helps the world. He wants friends and to help the world, that's it!
[Fufu]: And that could be a legit reason for what he does and why he’s doing this. Granted, it would still be marred slightly by the fact that AJ is willingly staying here instead of still trying to get home, but even then, that could be turned around. Maybe AJ thought it’d take too long to find a way home, or that it would never happen, so he decided to stay. Though he could still encourage Ozpin to keep trying in the event that he could return home.
So having addressed how that problem could’ve been made better, we now have this here; why AJ wants to be a Hunter. What Yang says here could actually be really tragic (If AJ’s backstory was also improved, but I’m already rambling enough as it is) and paint the picture of a young boy so desperate for friends he’s willing to take what is one of the most dangerous jobs in this world. And then as he goes along, he finds that he wants to genuinely help people and do good things. He wants to be that hero and he wants to have friends. He’s risking his life to have these things, never once thinking about whether or not this is something he truly wants to do, or if he’s sure this is right for him.
[Talon]: However, that would mean that there’d actually be some source of conflict in this fic, and we all know that conflict is bad!
[Fufu]: Not to mention that it would mean-- *gasp* character development!
And Ruby… Ruby always wanted to be like the hero's ([Kirby]: “heroes”) in the books before she even knew she could fight. They aren't conflicted like we are." Yang said.
"Well Ruby is still just a kid." Weiss pointed out.
"We all are." AJ's grumpy voice pointed out and everyone looked to see him still looking to his right out the window while sitting in his bed instead of lying in it, he had his arms crossed and his face still showed frustration.
[Talon]: HOLD IT! Boy was awake this entire time and he didn’t at all bother to join in this talk with his teammates?! Stuthor, do you really see how much he doesn’t fit into this canon? Three of the girls are having a genuine heart to heart moment. They’re bonding over their troubles. Yet Boy was intentionally not joining in, despite how they mentioned him, and despite how upset they all were. This honestly would have been a good moment to have Boy join in to show that he truly is bonding with everyone. Except he doesn’t do that. He doesn’t get involved at all, despite claiming that they’re his friends. Which actually proves to us that he really isn’t friends with them if he can’t actually get involved in such a heartfelt moment.
"Oh, AJ. I didn't know you were awake. Have you even slept yet?" Blake asked getting up to go sit with him.
"I take hours to get to sleep in a comfy bed, I immediately knew I wasn't gonna fall asleep when I sat here." AJ said and when Blake sat to his left he didn't even turn to her.
[Fufu]: *scowls* Well I’m sorry AJ, but the Nevermore feather stuffed pillows and sheets you ordered didn’t quite get delivered on time for your trip. So you’re stuck roughing it like everyone else. Now man the fuck up.
Blake decided he wouldn't get mad at her and tried putting a hand on his shoulder, he didn't relax much but it was there, so she started petting him.
"We really aren't kids anymore." Yang said. "I mean come on. We're in a war zone and armed to the teeth!" AJ gave in when Blake began scratching behind his ear and started purring, leaning on Blake's shoulder.
"It's the life we chose." Blake said as she guided his head to her lap.
"It's a job. We all have this romanticized vision-" Weiss went on but AJ found their voices, and his purring, and the crackling of the fire were all muffled and his eyes were heavy.
[Kirby]: Because fuck what Weiss has to say.
He soon happily gave in to sleep while using Blake's lap as a pillow and being pet by her. Blake wouldn't bring herself to get up and ended up falling asleep there with her hand on his head.
[Talon]: This seriously does not fit as an ending to this scene. Look at what were the last things each girl said. Now look at what’s going on with Boy. The things the girls are saying are actually tragic. Then there’s Boy, who is just purring blissfully, not giving a fuck about anyone’s issues, as long as he’s happy.
[Kirby]: Not to mention that he just contradicted himself for the thousandth time. He said he wouldn’t be able to sleep, and there he goes nodding off in the middle of a conversation.
[Fufu]: And the final point; Blake couldn’t bear to leave her damn man hanging, so she just slept there. How exactly was she sleeping? Was she leaning against the pillar or did she just end up falling asleep with nothing to lean against? All because AJ was sleeping on her lap and she didn’t want to move and disturb him. Yeah, she’s so waking up with a bad neck or back. Good job AJ, you’ve just lowered your entire team’s efficiency.