Might be the first time in two months I haven't needed the SA icon...
I am totally that douche who goes on Twitter at four in the morning to feel like I've made an impact on the world. That's kind of humiliating, but whatever.
Been filled when a massive sense of anxiety since getting home around 2ish. Somewhere between pulling the cars into the driveway in the proper order (so Dad can get out when he leaves for work in, oh, an hour?) and getting my laundry in and finishing that stupid-ass novel (a second time), my system went into overdrive and I can't seem to get it out. I've been dreaming of snakes and Spring Awakening and sometimes waking up in the middle of the night for no reason at all, so sleep isn't the answer. This is the part where I kind of regret having gone home because, while the days are amazing and the evenings are as well, nights in this house are complicated. I only have a few hours to get things done, because after that, people start to wake up. And I know if I don't go to sleep at a normal time (re: before the sun comes up), I'll be fucked, because Mom doesn't like me to sleep the way I'm used to (re: until 3 in the afternoon). It kind of makes a mess of me. Usually I can take it; this weekend, I have a lot to do for school, so I'm less sure.
Had a good evening, at any rate, hanging with Chels and Christine and Aaron. I look forward to Jason's b-day party tomorrow and to Gleeing it up with Tara (and hopefully Pam, with whom I'm still trying to patch things) on Saturday. And hopefully I can write my D&D essay and my close reading and my culture chronicle in the meantime. We'll see.
I have the massive overpowering need to draw, but I don't really have the capacity right now, what with the issue of other people and so on, so I have to settle for saving pictures to my computer to work with later. I'm mildly obsessed with capturing Lea Michele's every expression, which sounds really creepy, but...honestly, it's artistic integrity of some kind. I need to be good at this. I can't explain why; it's weird and awkward and not going to get me anywhere in life unless the woman inexplicably needs a personal sketch-artist. But I really need it. To be able to master head tilts and hands and teeth and all the nuances of a human face. She's got an insanely expressive face, and it's pleasing to stare at for hours on end, so it makes the most sense. I've got a more mild urge to draw up a few others as well--Joseph Gordon Levitt, Heath Ledger, the unknown haunting child whose picture popped up on DeviantArt and called to me--but for now, I'm content struggling with her. This may mean I fill twenty consecutive pages in a sketchbook with renditions of the same face, which is new...but essential to my growth as an artist. I need to understand. Legs and arms and shoulders and elbows and lips and teeth and cheeks--it's all been eluding me. I need to get this.
So much to do, so very little time--and even less energy, at some moments. It's starting to weigh. I need to get this list of 10 things down to one, or two, or none by Monday. It'll take some of the weight off. I need that too. I need a lot right now, and it's all on a very individual level. I like that, the self-reliance of it all. It reassures me.
So not tired, and yet I sleep. No other choice. So much to do, and I hate putting it off, but...I guess the body needs rest too.
Been filled when a massive sense of anxiety since getting home around 2ish. Somewhere between pulling the cars into the driveway in the proper order (so Dad can get out when he leaves for work in, oh, an hour?) and getting my laundry in and finishing that stupid-ass novel (a second time), my system went into overdrive and I can't seem to get it out. I've been dreaming of snakes and Spring Awakening and sometimes waking up in the middle of the night for no reason at all, so sleep isn't the answer. This is the part where I kind of regret having gone home because, while the days are amazing and the evenings are as well, nights in this house are complicated. I only have a few hours to get things done, because after that, people start to wake up. And I know if I don't go to sleep at a normal time (re: before the sun comes up), I'll be fucked, because Mom doesn't like me to sleep the way I'm used to (re: until 3 in the afternoon). It kind of makes a mess of me. Usually I can take it; this weekend, I have a lot to do for school, so I'm less sure.
Had a good evening, at any rate, hanging with Chels and Christine and Aaron. I look forward to Jason's b-day party tomorrow and to Gleeing it up with Tara (and hopefully Pam, with whom I'm still trying to patch things) on Saturday. And hopefully I can write my D&D essay and my close reading and my culture chronicle in the meantime. We'll see.
I have the massive overpowering need to draw, but I don't really have the capacity right now, what with the issue of other people and so on, so I have to settle for saving pictures to my computer to work with later. I'm mildly obsessed with capturing Lea Michele's every expression, which sounds really creepy, but...honestly, it's artistic integrity of some kind. I need to be good at this. I can't explain why; it's weird and awkward and not going to get me anywhere in life unless the woman inexplicably needs a personal sketch-artist. But I really need it. To be able to master head tilts and hands and teeth and all the nuances of a human face. She's got an insanely expressive face, and it's pleasing to stare at for hours on end, so it makes the most sense. I've got a more mild urge to draw up a few others as well--Joseph Gordon Levitt, Heath Ledger, the unknown haunting child whose picture popped up on DeviantArt and called to me--but for now, I'm content struggling with her. This may mean I fill twenty consecutive pages in a sketchbook with renditions of the same face, which is new...but essential to my growth as an artist. I need to understand. Legs and arms and shoulders and elbows and lips and teeth and cheeks--it's all been eluding me. I need to get this.
So much to do, so very little time--and even less energy, at some moments. It's starting to weigh. I need to get this list of 10 things down to one, or two, or none by Monday. It'll take some of the weight off. I need that too. I need a lot right now, and it's all on a very individual level. I like that, the self-reliance of it all. It reassures me.
So not tired, and yet I sleep. No other choice. So much to do, and I hate putting it off, but...I guess the body needs rest too.