FROM MONDAY AFTERNOON: It was just one of those times..
So last night I couldn't bare another night without Chris and having those bad dreams about losing him... so I drove to Kirkland and got lost... got mad... frustrated... cried... and then my phone died... and then he went searching for me... I found myself 50 miles out of the way before I could find my way back... and we were so fucking glad to finally see eachother that we hugged for an hour outside his house at 10pm... really... we hugged... didn't talk... didn't kiss... just hugged. It was nice... we snuggled and I woke up atleast 10 times to him just brushing his hand accross my cheek and rubbing my back when I was sleeping because I fucked it up from those 11 years of being a tall girl playing a short piano... and then we woke up at 3:30... had breakfast... went to sleep until 5:15 and then I left at 5:30... I went to work and it was probably the most glorious day at work that I have ever had. Now I'm waiting on the leasing agent, Marisela, to call me back to tell me whether or not we got the apartment... and I'm waiting on my paycheck... my eye exam appointment... and my lip retainer... oh lord! Anyways, I've been feeling extremely insecure this last week with Chris because of everything, and I found out from Casey's best friend where he is moving... Casey is moving to Boston... he and I were suppose to be moving there in late February but I bailed on the relationship to figure out what I was doing and get some time to myself... and everyone says that he misses me a lot... and I'm pretty much all he talks about... but the fact is is that he couldn't give me the love, support, or the ability to face his problems to be able to be with me... and last night Chris's radio turned on randomly and it was the radio and this song played and it went like this "hate me today, hate me tomorrow, hate me for all the things I couldn't do for you, hate me today, hate me tomorrow, hate me so you can finally see what's good for you" and I just looked at Chris and he was sleeping.. and it was like... one of those crazy moments that you just have to experience to even believe that anything that crazy can happen... but really... I would be a fucking idiot to leave Chris to be with someone else... so if I ever talk jibberish... beat me.