greatest hits
i feel at home in the bones that creak. when warmth cuts me open down the center all my flaws can be freed and pain can sew me back up clean and new, baptismal, the surgery where they ripped my mortal sin straight out of my stomach and handed it off to an expecting mother, but eve's sin doesn't cry, i let that guilt fester in my stomach and rot in the amniotic fluid, she's gone now. she poisoned me because i couldn't let go. i feel at home only in the bones that creak. when starboard leans left and you grow up proper, the world falls off it's hinges. heaven falls to earth and puts a hole right through it. stutter stammer stutter stammer stammer um um stammer. tell me how to like happiness, tell me how not to become the first nihilist calvinist, i am predestined for nothing, i am predestined for pain, i am predestined for hate to fill me up and over, i am predestined to stand next to god, free of that fucking mortal sin, i am predestined for so much void that i am something, i am predestined for record breaking cynicism and record breaking misery. tell me i am ugly and tell me i will work a minimum wage job, tell me this sadness will not warm me up one night and tell me happiness will find me and it wont be so fucking cold to the touch. tell me you hate me, world, and i might be able to sleep tonight.