I wish I could explain

Dec 11, 2008 18:11

I wish I could explain to you how giving up worked.
I wish I could show you the chronological course of events from which unfolded the end result of the situation, as it stands now.
The situation, as it stands now, is in my head. Because I can't explain.
Or won't explain.
Or I don't see how it will help to explain.
I maintain that the best thing I can do for you, as a person, is to refrain from subjecting you to the long and arduous explanation that accompanies the burgeoning of my liberation from you.
Part of it is that I've accepted your typicality as an individual.
You are one of the most reliable people I know, in that I can rely on you to be typical you.
You try to change, and I hope for you
but in the end you let us both down.
You cut us both deep.
Our love was sympathetic, symbiotic, we felt each other.
We watched each other.
We understood each other. Or tried.
The best thing I can do is to do us a both a favor and free you from the tyranny of my most heartfelt regrets concerning my involvement with you. My actions with you. The actions I've accepted from you.
Can we still be friends?
Not really. Friends you trust.
Friends show loyalty.
Friends have the gumption to persevere.
Friends don't prioritize each other.
Friends don't demonize each other.
Friends don't envy one another, not really. Not like you envy me and I envy you.
Friends don't want to tear each other apart.
Or rather, friends don't tear each other apart. And when they do, they put each other back together.
Friends put each other back together. From each other, from others, from ourselves.
Friends don't give up.
Friends don't give up.
We aren't friends.
No explanation.
Although if you look at this from the right angle this kind of looks like one.
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