Dear Diary,
I haven't written a lot since I made you. No, you don't have to be jealous of my other lj since I haven't exactly been posting there either. So, I hope you'll forgive me for being so lazy but now I do have something to write and I hope you'll let me get it off my mind. Otherwise, I might go crazy thinking about it.
It seems like Kamio-kun and Shinji-kun have worked through their differences. Now if niichan and I could. I know I’ve acted like the biggest brat slut for months now but I really did have good reason for the subterfuge.
And if they’re not good in someone else’s eyes they are in mine. Junji-san shouldn’t have used me to get close to niichan. I think it wouldn’t have hurt so much if he hadn’t of acted like I was the most special person in his life. Because you know, everyone seems to like me but it’s more of a ‘Aww, that’s Ann-chan. Isn’t she just the cutest thing’ or sisterly kind of way.
Which, I guess in itself isn’t so bad but when I see so many people with someone very close to their hearts.. it makes me want someone of my own who sees all of me. The me who likes to play tennis and softball- Tomboy Ann; and the girly me who likes pink roses with a blush of yellow on their tips and soft clothes that make me feel so good inside because of the way they drape across my skin.
Most boys don’t see past the Tachibana’s little sister title or the tomboy to see the rest of me. I seem to make a good friend for listening to sob stories or offering support but..
It’s not all of me and I really wanted someone to see the rest of me. I thought he had.
:(
He lied to me. For a while I was so angry and hurt but now I don’t care. Well, I do because I don’t ever want someone to think they can get to Niichan through me. Which is why I’ve been so out of character lately. If my brother can barely tolerate me than no one can think they can use me to work their way into his good graces.
Someday I need to apologize to him. But not now. Now I just want to learn to be me again without taints of the pretend me slipping out. And it’d be nice if for once…
Just once someone besides Shinji and Kamio accepted me completely.
Maybe I’ll make it my New Year’s resolution… to find someone who does.
I’m kind of tired and have a huge test in the morning so I’d better let this end here and go study because I won’t get the chance before morning practice or after. I really don’t want to fail this test since I see disappointment in Niichan’s eyes far too much lately.
So good night, my diary. I hope your dreams are better than mine have been.
It seems like Kamio-kun and Shinji-kun have worked through their differences. Now if niichan and I could. I know I’ve acted like the biggest brat slut for months now but I really did have good reason for the subterfuge.
And if they’re not good in someone else’s eyes they are in mine. Junji-san shouldn’t have used me to get close to niichan. I think it wouldn’t have hurt so much if he hadn’t of acted like I was the most special person in his life. Because you know, everyone seems to like me but it’s more of a ‘Aww, that’s Ann-chan. Isn’t she just the cutest thing’ or sisterly kind of way.
Which, I guess in itself isn’t so bad but when I see so many people with someone very close to their hearts.. it makes me want someone of my own who sees all of me. The me who likes to play tennis and softball- Tomboy Ann; and the girly me who likes pink roses with a blush of yellow on their tips and soft clothes that make me feel so good inside because of the way they drape across my skin.
Most boys don’t see past the Tachibana’s little sister title or the tomboy to see the rest of me. I seem to make a good friend for listening to sob stories or offering support but..
It’s not all of me and I really wanted someone to see the rest of me. I thought he had.
:(
He lied to me. For a while I was so angry and hurt but now I don’t care. Well, I do because I don’t ever want someone to think they can get to Niichan through me. Which is why I’ve been so out of character lately. If my brother can barely tolerate me than no one can think they can use me to work their way into his good graces.
Someday I need to apologize to him. But not now. Now I just want to learn to be me again without taints of the pretend me slipping out. And it’d be nice if for once…
Just once someone besides Shinji and Kamio accepted me completely.
Maybe I’ll make it my New Year’s resolution… to find someone who does.
I’m kind of tired and have a huge test in the morning so I’d better let this end here and go study because I won’t get the chance before morning practice or after. I really don’t want to fail this test since I see disappointment in Niichan’s eyes far too much lately.
So good night, my diary. I hope your dreams are better than mine have been.