It Scared me!!
omg..me and austin had our first serious conversation yesterday. So heres how the day went after school.
I get home and my mom is home she fucken bitchen at me for no damn reasson. So i called austin to get over to my house and pick me up and take me antwhere away from this house. So he did. we went tanning and then we went to his moms house and watched a couple movies. Well, then when he was driving me back home he turned down the radio and asked me if i think we have a good relationship. Im like on god in my head, i really dont need this right now, but i said i do think we have a good relationship. He's like, well is seems liek u still havnt warmed up to me and that ur still not confortable with me. Then i said well thats not ture i am confortable with you. He's like then why are u so quiet. Im like thats just how i am. but i dont get why i am this way around him, cuz im warmed up to him. And so then he was like i just feel that nothing has chaged from when we first started going out, that you would change, but that hasnt happened yet. He's like and if nothing chages then i dont see us going much farther in a relationship. So then i got all scared, cuz i dont want to lose him. So he told me when i got home just to think about it, cuz i just didnt know what to say at the time, i was just speechless. Then before i got outa of the car, he's like i hope this does change, cuz i love being with you and when were not together i think about u alot. But the past couple of weeks when iv been thinkig about you iv been thinkingabout your relastionship and where is was going.
So i did, when i got home i went right to my room turned off the light and thought about it for fucken 3 hours. I just couldnt go to sleep. I cried too, cuz i dont want to lose him, cuz i know if i do i will be miserable, and that ya know...im falling in love with him. So what i came up with was...
Ive never been in a relationship where i have like the guy so much, and i guess i dont act my self cuz i dont want to lose him. This is new for me, being in a relationship that i want to see him everyday, where if i dont see him i think about him and miss him, and when im with im its like the best feeling in the world. I guess im jjst scared of losing him. In my other relationships that i have had i could go 2 or 3 days w/ out seeing them but w/ austin its so different. And thats how i know that this relationship is different and that i am falling in love w/ him deeply, and i guess im trying not to get to attached cuz he is leaving in august, but i cnt help it. I just want to be w/ him so bad, and em not acting like myslef is ruinning our relationship. and i dont want to ruin out relastionship cuz i love out relationship. So im going to try anyting anyting and everything in my will power to change out relationship to make it better. so i dont lose him. Im ging to try to act my self aroun him. be the talkiative, outgoing person i am. Im galde that he said this to me to, instead of just ending things and not getting a explanation. Cuz i know when someone says o u need to chage this or that, i will just to make it better, so i know that us talking about it makes out relationship better and it will get even better. But it just scared me last night how he said if nothing chaged our relationship could be over. and i dont want it to be.
So today after school, we really didnt talk about it. But things are already chaging, and it a good thing. So i think we are going to be okay. Which i am happy about!!
Ahhh!!! i just got this call from DRQ, there like u won tickets to ice princess, what ever that is..hmm...i guess i one it cuz i entered in a contest to redo my room. so thats pretty cool i never win anything. now the thing is i have to go all the way to detroit to pick them up. Wonder how that will work..o well..i figure that out.
Life is turning around. well except for austin is going to flordia, he leaves next weekened and he comes back the day spring break starts and then after that he is going to Canada and spring breaking there woth some friends. it sucks, but i do want him to have a good time. Its is senior year and i want him to spring break like ur suppose to, but i just know ill miss him alot. :(
lyl Kristine