hey!...
wow.
i'm so happy right now. i mean this week has been crazy, but in the end i realized that i have found my IDEA of "perfect" friends. and i know there's no such thing as perfect, but god i've been waiting so long for people like these to come into my life and make me feel important and for me to be able to feel like i give something back. something that helps.
for the FIRST time ever, i feel like people understand me in a way that i haven't been understood before.
Chris and i have become close. and i trust him soo much. he is the most honest person i think i will ever meet. and i can't even begin to explain how much the advice he gives helps me. he's great. and i'm so glad to have him as a friend.
Paradise and i....(nice dots eh?). she's one of my best friends. she has been for awhile. we tell each other everything and i know that we will be friends even after high school. her and i just click. she's amazing. and sweet and i adore her. not to mention we have like the BEST time together. she's one of the reasons i love school and i love seeing people like her that are just wild, crazy, happy, out-going type of people. who are always smiling and enjoying themselves. you know?
Hilary and i, the mintue we met we hit it off. it was like i felt like i knew her. i mean we went to each other's house and it's like can i use this, can i wear that. in the first day of knowing each other. she's a lot of fun. and jen, hilary and i are such dorks together. lol.
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in all honesty i can't say i look at the other people the same anymore. when i'm around any of t hem it's like all i can feel is like lies and cover ups, lies and cover ups. and competition with one another and jealousy. and of course things that don't make a person happy. i hate being around any of them. (except a few)..i don't like the lack of communication and the negative vibes i get from others. i guess it's because other people have showed me other things, better things. things that make me happy.
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from time to time i think of monica, you know. but i did what i could. this is the first time i can honestly say it doesn't hurt anymore. it's just my eyes have been open to a bigger picture. monica is a great person and will always be. and i will admit, i do miss her and care about her. and nothing will ever change that. and if we ever even talk again you know, i think we'll be happy and not miserable with eachother, we'll be able to tell each other things and it will be for the better. and if we don't talk ever again, like i said, my feelings about her won't change.
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my past is buried. i've finally been living in the present.