(no subject)
so it's tuesday. and actual typical tuesday that i am actually drunk for once. and for the last 4 weeks-ish it's probably the drunkest i have been. but i feel kinda good about it. but i don't like to be as drunk as i am. and i think i am actually making progress in my life towards making a normal human being-ship. now i have realized that certain people, within themselves, make awesome people, but together with certain people, make horribly confused people. and i know that myself being as contraversial as everyone thinks i am, i pretty much understand every situation but no one takes me seriously cause i am usually a fuckup drunk. but at the same time, i understand more of everything that most people can't even differentiate between relationship vs friendship. and that i come off as a complete and utter asshole 95% of the time, but in true life, if i like you and i trust you, you will get to know me more than anyone has ever had. but at the same time, the lesbian circle of humanity is such bullshit, that everyone can seriously kiss my fucking goddamn ass. and i would love to masterbate more than put in the middle of some fucked up situation once again. because there's not one single person that i have fucked that has ever gotten me off. therefore i am inhuman obviously, because i am the only person that can get me off. it is slightly disappointing. but i have so many fucking trust issues it is ungodly. too many fucking blocked emotions...i am not a good girlfriend ever. the only thing i can give is money. i can buy them anything they want. but at the same time, they need to control me. it's the only way i can live. someone to control my scheduled life, but i will pay for everything. it is the only fucking way i can live. it fucking blows assholes.