(no subject)
I'm going to attempt a semi-serious entry here. I dunno if I can do it though. I can try. I'm sure it will just turn out angsty. Whatever. Who the hell cares?
Lately I've been feeling... hmmm.... What's a good word for it?... Numb. I feel really disconected from my life at times. Like I'm a complete stranger to myself. Lately, I've been looking in the mirror and not realizing that I'm looking at myself, more often then usual. If I really think about what's happening around me I can't wrap my mind around it. But, I think it's more that I can't wrap my brain around life itself. Just living. Sometimes I don't see the point of it. Sometimes I don't see the point in points.
Is that common? I don't think it is. Otherwise I think that suicide rates and admissions to insane asylums would go up by a lot. Becuase really, what's the point in living in a trailor park your whole life? Like Buddah said, "Life is a never ending cycle of suffering." Or something like that. Therefore re-incarnation is punishment. But you probably knew that. Even if you get to nirvana, what do you do there? Eternal happiness? Is that even a good thing? If we didn't have pain we woulden't have birth. If we didn't have saddness we wouldn't have a good percentage of our gratest literature and music, maybe not have it at all. I mean, do you really need to express yourself when your happy all the time.
And what about all the questions you have while you are alive? Are they all answered if you go to nirvana or heaven or summer land or any other form of completion? What good would come of having all the answers anyway?
Thinking about that makes me think that maybe there is a god. Maybe having to answer our own questions is a our greatest gift and the greatest chip on our shoulders. And the people who do what's right, just becuase they know they should, even if they have no real reason, are rewarded.
And that brings me to another thing I ponder occasionaly... Are people born with a set personality? Or do they inherit it, or that sort of thing? I've always had the set way of thinking that led me believe that people are what their parents make them to be. It seems pretty accurate most of the time, but it's sort of depressing to think about. I guess it's an easy way out for me not to have to be responsible for traits I see in myself that I don't like. Then again, it doesn't really matter who made you be you, you are still you, and you got to work with what you got. If life gives you lemons make lemonaide. But you can't make lemonaide with just lemons? I just can't accept that though. Maybe it's teenagerdom that has done in my brain's ability to stretch like that.
I won't even get started on brains. I mean think about your brain and how it pretty much creates everything around you. It's just too weird.
I feel like I'm on a slippery slope with my state of mind. I can't really explain why. Maybe it's becuase I change so much, my brain never has time to adjust. It's always on uneven ground. I'm such an escapist that it's not even funny. It's funny, I just can't see myself in the future. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I try not to think about it. I try to just think about now and friends and other things like that, but I think I should stop avoiding it.
SO NOW I WRITE A LIVEJOURNAL ENTRY. A NUR NUR NUR. MEESA SO MATTURE.
...........................................................................................................................
Now for a nice helping of escapism. Can I hear a HELL YEAH?!?!
This one I call..."rigamortus."
Pretty hot. Pretty hot indeed.
This man makes me happy in a really sad way.
Just like everyone else. I know. I know.
Can't you let a girl feel special?
I think I may make that my new background.
But maybe not, 'cause these guys are just so loveable.
I mean, come on, look at those smiles.
Awww, they love you.
OMG!!! IS THAT?!!?!? NOOOOO.
Leeroy totally just became the new princess of England after she killed Camilla.
That is in such bad taste!
Deal with it.
I wish this entry was over.
WISH GRANTED!!
Lately I've been feeling... hmmm.... What's a good word for it?... Numb. I feel really disconected from my life at times. Like I'm a complete stranger to myself. Lately, I've been looking in the mirror and not realizing that I'm looking at myself, more often then usual. If I really think about what's happening around me I can't wrap my mind around it. But, I think it's more that I can't wrap my brain around life itself. Just living. Sometimes I don't see the point of it. Sometimes I don't see the point in points.
Is that common? I don't think it is. Otherwise I think that suicide rates and admissions to insane asylums would go up by a lot. Becuase really, what's the point in living in a trailor park your whole life? Like Buddah said, "Life is a never ending cycle of suffering." Or something like that. Therefore re-incarnation is punishment. But you probably knew that. Even if you get to nirvana, what do you do there? Eternal happiness? Is that even a good thing? If we didn't have pain we woulden't have birth. If we didn't have saddness we wouldn't have a good percentage of our gratest literature and music, maybe not have it at all. I mean, do you really need to express yourself when your happy all the time.
And what about all the questions you have while you are alive? Are they all answered if you go to nirvana or heaven or summer land or any other form of completion? What good would come of having all the answers anyway?
Thinking about that makes me think that maybe there is a god. Maybe having to answer our own questions is a our greatest gift and the greatest chip on our shoulders. And the people who do what's right, just becuase they know they should, even if they have no real reason, are rewarded.
And that brings me to another thing I ponder occasionaly... Are people born with a set personality? Or do they inherit it, or that sort of thing? I've always had the set way of thinking that led me believe that people are what their parents make them to be. It seems pretty accurate most of the time, but it's sort of depressing to think about. I guess it's an easy way out for me not to have to be responsible for traits I see in myself that I don't like. Then again, it doesn't really matter who made you be you, you are still you, and you got to work with what you got. If life gives you lemons make lemonaide. But you can't make lemonaide with just lemons? I just can't accept that though. Maybe it's teenagerdom that has done in my brain's ability to stretch like that.
I won't even get started on brains. I mean think about your brain and how it pretty much creates everything around you. It's just too weird.
I feel like I'm on a slippery slope with my state of mind. I can't really explain why. Maybe it's becuase I change so much, my brain never has time to adjust. It's always on uneven ground. I'm such an escapist that it's not even funny. It's funny, I just can't see myself in the future. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I try not to think about it. I try to just think about now and friends and other things like that, but I think I should stop avoiding it.
SO NOW I WRITE A LIVEJOURNAL ENTRY. A NUR NUR NUR. MEESA SO MATTURE.
...........................................................................................................................
Now for a nice helping of escapism. Can I hear a HELL YEAH?!?!
This one I call..."rigamortus."
Pretty hot. Pretty hot indeed.
This man makes me happy in a really sad way.
Just like everyone else. I know. I know.
Can't you let a girl feel special?
I think I may make that my new background.
But maybe not, 'cause these guys are just so loveable.
I mean, come on, look at those smiles.
Awww, they love you.
OMG!!! IS THAT?!!?!? NOOOOO.
Leeroy totally just became the new princess of England after she killed Camilla.
That is in such bad taste!
Deal with it.
I wish this entry was over.
WISH GRANTED!!