catch up x
i said it.
i told him i loved him *again* and he didnt say anything bad.
we nearly broke up yesterday i didnt like being like to like i was and it was starting to hurt, i didnt like the way things were going so i decied to say something. i was so down yday which didnt help. i thought id see how much i ment to him by telling him i was thinking about breaking up, if he faught(sp?) for me then he really did want me, if he carried on watching TV and didnt seem intested i really was *really* going to break up with him. but he didnt he put up a fight *thank fuck* we then talked about stuff and the way i was feeling about myself and about us. I told him i loved him and i couldnt handle being someone he liked after 7mths...so when i got home and he texted me he said "its not i cant say anything im just not very good at it, your gorgeous and i love your body, and when your happy your amazing to be around, but i know your not and ill try to change, but im happy with us" i was like awww i dont want YOU to change i want things the way they are to change, if you changed i wouldnt be with you id be with who you think i want to be with then i said that it was hard when you have fallen for someone who just "likes you" and he said "i dont just like you babes you mean loads to me" i dont know what to make of that?! Help? i know i shouldnt let it bother me but like 7mths and he still hasnt said anything? grr annoying. wanna see him tonight but i know he likes to have one day to himself and hes seeing claire on wednesday so i think it will the fucking routine...that REALLY annoys me...
The other thing that has been getting to me lately is that i have no mates, i mean i have the people i go college with, but when i leave college will they still be there? i want real friends that i can hang about with, people who will come and see me and just do nothing all day. I think i want mates like "Kev and the lads" but know they are blokes and its different...i think i want it like it used to be with Hays. and i still dont no why she hates me, which bugs me. alot.
in other news. i need a job.
ta x
i told him i loved him *again* and he didnt say anything bad.
we nearly broke up yesterday i didnt like being like to like i was and it was starting to hurt, i didnt like the way things were going so i decied to say something. i was so down yday which didnt help. i thought id see how much i ment to him by telling him i was thinking about breaking up, if he faught(sp?) for me then he really did want me, if he carried on watching TV and didnt seem intested i really was *really* going to break up with him. but he didnt he put up a fight *thank fuck* we then talked about stuff and the way i was feeling about myself and about us. I told him i loved him and i couldnt handle being someone he liked after 7mths...so when i got home and he texted me he said "its not i cant say anything im just not very good at it, your gorgeous and i love your body, and when your happy your amazing to be around, but i know your not and ill try to change, but im happy with us" i was like awww i dont want YOU to change i want things the way they are to change, if you changed i wouldnt be with you id be with who you think i want to be with then i said that it was hard when you have fallen for someone who just "likes you" and he said "i dont just like you babes you mean loads to me" i dont know what to make of that?! Help? i know i shouldnt let it bother me but like 7mths and he still hasnt said anything? grr annoying. wanna see him tonight but i know he likes to have one day to himself and hes seeing claire on wednesday so i think it will the fucking routine...that REALLY annoys me...
The other thing that has been getting to me lately is that i have no mates, i mean i have the people i go college with, but when i leave college will they still be there? i want real friends that i can hang about with, people who will come and see me and just do nothing all day. I think i want mates like "Kev and the lads" but know they are blokes and its different...i think i want it like it used to be with Hays. and i still dont no why she hates me, which bugs me. alot.
in other news. i need a job.
ta x