[accidental voice]

[fuckingkillthem]

[There's the sound of footsteps, twigs breaking under his feet. He's muttering in a low tone of voice, a bit annoyed, but still somehow in good spirit.]

Che. Fucking forest. Whoever the fuck dragged me out here, I'm shooting their fucking balls off... If I get one single mosquito bite I'll stomp a fucking rose bush or something, you hear that,

Comments

[frigginsterling]

[The voice coming from the crow is cheerful, with a strong Northern English accent. If Hiruma were to look in the crow's eye, he'd see a skinhead a few years older than him, chewing a stick, a habit which he picked up since he began to run low on cigarettes.]

Fucking forest doesn't give a shit if you stamp on a rosebush, mate. Fucking forest's just gonna keep you goin' around and around and around. Get a fuckin' move on, then, and you'll end up gettin' out.

And no, these trees aren't fuckin' American. Friggin' Yanks. World doesn't revolve around America, mate.

[fuckingkillthem]

[He stops dead in his tracks, his head snaps around to look for whoever is speaking. It dawns on him pretty quickly that it's coming from the crow, but it takes him another moment before he reacts at all.]

... What the fuck. [he pokes it with a sharp finger to test if it's actually a live bird] What kind of fucking bird... [he squints at its eye. Man, he's definitely dreaming. Yep. One second of confusion, then he cracks a huge, pointy-toothed grin] Fucking awesome.

Kekeke! Try saying that to one of them, fucking flaps! But if I fucking go to bed in America, I fucking expect to wake up there as well.

[frigginsterling]

[Laughs]

Yes I friggin' well am! Hi there~

[He waves cheerfully at Hiruma through the crow's eye.]

Yeah, and if I fucking go to bed in a town I don't expect to wake up in a forest unless I got well smashed, but there I was a few weeks back, same sitch as you.

D'you want me to tell you the easy way how you got here, or do you want me to tell you the truth?

[fuckingkillthem]

[It's slowly dawning on him that it isn't the crow, but someone somewhere else talking.]

...The truth would be good right about now. Though I'm more concerned with how to get the fuck out of this fucking forest. I've been here for fucking hours.

[frigginsterling]

Awreet. The truth is, you're as dead as a doornail. And before you say anything, this isn't a friggin' joke. This is fucking Hell. Don't believe me, try pinching yourself. It won't even sting a bit. No pain, no hunger...[His voice darkens irritably]...no drink, no fags, no nothing. Just fucking boredom.

People are ok, though. You wanna watch out for the bloke called Cuthbert, though. Fucking psycho thinks he's a cowboy. Me best mate, though, lovely guy, lovely guy.

Anyway. Fuck it, I'm rambling. Just walk in a random direction, doesn't matter which, and there's a village. Summat to do with time and distance being all screwed up here. So that's your home for the next X number of years, less you wanna set up a camp in the woods.

With me so far, mate?

[fuckingkillthem]

[he raises his eyebrows, then he frowns. Bubblegum-pop. More frowning, then he just deadpans. Somehow, the boredom seems to bother him more than the "you're dead" part.]

Yeah, I'm with ya. I'm with you as long as you're with me on that I'll fucking hunt you down if you lie. [He isn't being hostile, just stating a fact. He calmly waits to hear the rest.]

[frigginsterling]

[He doesn't sound worried, just laughs and chews his stick] Ooh, really fucking scared, mate. Nah, I'm not lying. Ask anyone, they'll tell you the same. 'Cept a few are in denial.

[Shrug Right. So you get to the village, right, and there're lots of cabins all over the place. One of 'em's yours. You'll know it when you see it. There's a store one end, free, but like I said, fuck all fun, no technology, no drugs, not so much as a fucking record player.

Oh yeah.

And this place is run by this guy called the Reaper, comes on every once in a while with a message over the crows, riddle-me-this bullshit, and bad shit happens. Really bad shit.

[fuckingkillthem]

[He almost smiles at that, but doesn't say anything.]

[No technology? His eye twitches. He immediately opens his bag, throws out various firearms and rummages through the rest.] ... Where the fuck is my fucking laptop? FUCK!

[He kicks at a pebble, sending it flying out of sight. Snarl, snarl. There's revenge in his eyes for sure.] Reaper? Eh? That the guy who's taken my fucking laptop?

[frigginsterling]

'The fuck is a fucking laptop? Means fuck all to me, but then I was lucky that you seem to come from a world kind of like mine.

Chill out, mate. It's not that bad. Whatever the fuck it is. Worse things happen at sea, eh?

[fuckingkillthem]

...You don't know computers. How long have you really been stuck here, eh, fucking skinny?

[he's a tiny bit miffed] It's not the fucking laptop, it's what's on it, fuck. Che. But if I'm really stuck here, I won't need it.

[frigginsterling]

Oh, computers! 'Course I know computers. Just not laptops.

...though I think I saw an advert for a laptop. Kind of notebook, innit?

I've only been here a few weeks, like. But everyone here makes me feel like totally stone age, for fuck's sake. There's an AI from the middle of next century, I mean, fuck off.

So you must be from a different world. Or the future. What year'd you die?

[fuckingkillthem]

[bubblegum-pop.] Better.

[oh, that peaked his interest. grin.] Really, huh... Interesting.

[He decides he should get a move on. He throws his stuff back into his bag, grabs the bird around the middle, puts it down on his shoulder and starts walking.]

2008. Keke, fucking weird, answering that question.

[frigginsterling]

See? You're from the far-an'-distant fuckin' future too! I died in '83, you bastard.

[fuckingkillthem]

Kekeke! Awesome, a fucking oldie! [walking, walking.] And that makes me a fucking bastard, you fucking bastard? Keke, I wasn't even born, not like I was the fucker who killed ya.

[frigginsterling]

I'm just fuckin' sick of being so behind the times. Obviously the twenty-first century is the place to be.

[fuckingkillthem]

Don't go wishing for things you don't know anything about, fucking skinny.