[voice]

[fuckingkillthem]

Right. I was out for fuck knows how long, I wake up in a fucking ditch with fucking mudd in my shoes and fucking bugs crawling around in my hair, only to figure out I'm still in THIS FUCKING DUMP OF A MOTHERFUCKING SCOUT CAMP WANNABE CUN

Comments

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[death_of_terra]

[Kuja hears the commotion and emerges from one of the bedrooms (dressed, thankfully) and looking thoroughly discontent.]

...are you having some sort of episode?

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[fuckingkillthem]

[He spins around with a glare.] ...What the fuck are you doin' in my house, fucking silverlocks?

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[death_of_terra]

'Your house' is the only building around here that seemed even half-habitable. [shakes his head and scowls]

Though I'm not sure why. It's a total dump.

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[fuckingkillthem]

[Hiruma takes a better look at this new guy, squinting at him but otherwise having turned quite expressionless. He blows a bubblegum bubble. Pop.]

Che, a prissy little bitch, aren'tcha. If you don't fucking like it, why don't you build your own fucking place, eh, miss princess? ... Matter of fact. Pack your shit, I don't have room for you.

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[death_of_terra]

[Kuja winces and twists a finger in his ear, like Hiruma's words are actually painful, and then leans his hip against the doorframe belligerently.]

Just when I thought this place couldn't get any worse. I'm sorry - I didn't mean to insult your precious hovel. You must be thrilled to be staying somewhere with more than a dirt floor.

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[fuckingkillthem]

[He raises an eyebrow with a smirk. Yes, he's beginning to think this guy might have some redeeming qualities. Might.]

Heh. My "precious hovel" is a pile of my stuff with a fucking cover on it. I don't want your fucking fingers in that pile, snarky. You fucking said it yourself, this is the only livable fucking place around, right? [he blows another bubble. Pop.] Kekeke... And it happens to belong to me.

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[death_of_terra]

I'm confident that I have no interest in putting my fingers anywhere near your 'pile'. You say this is your residence - why haven't you been here, then? I've been here for over a week and I've not seen hide nor hair of you, hobgoblin.

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[fuckingkillthem]

[Hiruma leans in a bit and gives him a very wide grin.] hnnn... You haven't seen it yet, have ya.

Che, perceptive, aren'tcha. [he starts shaking leaves and dirt out of his clothes and hair.] Some fucker put me to sleep and dragged me into the fucking forest. How the fuck do I know that wasn't you, sweepy hair?

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[death_of_terra]

[smiles]

I don't leave loose ends. If I'd been responsible for your disappearance, we wouldn't be having this delightful conversation.

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[fuckingkillthem]

Kekekeke! You know your fuckin' stuff, then, huh, princess. Good. I'd hate to have some useless fucking hemophobe prancing around in my house. ... Tell you what, sweepy hair, you can stay if you make yourself useful.

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[death_of_terra]

[Kuja shakes his head with the theatrical air of a long-suffering victim, though the smile at the corner of his mouth suggests that he's more amused than anything.]

Dare I ask what an imp like yourself considers 'useful'?

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[fuckingkillthem]

[He cocks his head back like he is considering Kuja for a second before replying.]

Whatever I feel like at the moment, princess. Kekeke, and even though I'm flattered, I'm no fucking imp, you blind bastard. I'm far too tall for that. ♥

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[death_of_terra]

[laughs]

You're flattered to be called an imp, yet you know enough of them to know how small they are? You're even weirder than I thought.

[Wiggles his fingers next to his head]

Let's see, with those ears you could certainly be a goblin - but you're too tall for that, too.

Maybe we should just come to some kind of agreement. You're too tall to be a proper goblin, and I'm too male to be a proper princess. 'Blind bastard', indeed.

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[fuckingkillthem]

[grin, grin] I'm only as weird as your logic fucking makes me, princess.

[He blows another bubble while Kuja talks, quirking a brow at his words. Then he waves a hand lazily.]

No agreement. You can call me whatever the fuck you want, sweepy hair, it doesn't change what I am. Just like a dick doesn't make you less of a prissy princess.

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[death_of_terra]

Haha... really? Well. Fairy tales must be interesting in your world, hobgoblin. [dryly]

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[fuckingkillthem]

Kekeke... [copies his dry tone.] Depends on what rating they have, princess.