Entry #701 (or "Look now Look Again")
The skyline is two gazes long. I crane my neck to take it all in, and bump my head against the windshield, trying to find the sun. It runs ahead of us. I don't know what direction that is. I want to go to faraway places, but momentum makes my head ponderous and heavy. Planetary rotation is time winding down. The light from our bodies precedes us. I can see you craning your neck. Traffic lights turn yellow. A kiss, and a slap on the roof; traffic lights turn yellow. I taught you that superstition driving downtown, with the windows down. Late at night, talking over a broken radio. And I kiss my fingers, and our single headlight winks out for the last time. We talk about the last time it felt right to make out. And I'm certain if I drive into those trees, it'd make less of a mess than you've made of me. Halfway home and I'm ready to turn around. But I can't turn around my dreams: five days a week I go to sleep at dawn, and feel alone although you're warm. Oh what way did I take to come to this place? Halfway home and ready to drag it out because this slowing down suits me fine. Five days a week, I drive you home from work and see the way your face is marked with fatigue. Fatigue suits me. And I'm feeling neglected anyway. It's the reason I'm leaving you. Wake me up, it's morning. And take me down to the corner place before the shade retreats behind the wall and I decide to stay here. Cup of tea, blackberry, everything's alright now. Don't let me sleep. Easier to drive, leave the oven on, burn the house down.it was warm and pleasant and over in an instant. I feel like I dreamt it, but it's not there now. Golden Gate Bridge, everything's alright. Oh the reason the night is long is very simple. Oh I miss you when I'm at work. Oh and I miss you when we fight, and you leave. Honey, i confess i stole your heart. And honey, I confess that it was criminal. But I've been captured, I'm paralyzed. And I've been disarmed by your charm. Oh the reason the night is long is very simple. I imagine, tonight, that we can get along,. That nothing I can do with you is wrong, tonight. But I'm careful at sunset, if I'm mindful at dawn, clouded minds up north could sometimes produce rain and lightning. If it's ok to touch you, it's alright to think "electricity". Maybe it hasn't been so long. Maybe this dim time is just twilight. Expect me, like one waits for mail, all lost and dropped and cancelled. Like foreign post, I leave twice a day, but take a week to get there. Expect me like one waits for rain, or sleet or hail or snowfall. Like foreign post, I'm lost on the way and take a week to get there. I want to be delivered til I'm gone gone gone. The way it's sealed in my heart, it's guaranteed that I'm in your hands by morning, when you're ready to read between the lines and the paper isn't telling you anything. If you miss me, drop me a line in care of fin de siecle, mit Luftwaffe. it's the end of the end of the end. Can we start this conversation over? You are looking over my shoulder to impress someone tonight. I'm dying from only listening to you, and though I smile, it's just because I want to like you. The truth is, I'm overwhelming you with lies and though I try, there is no honesty in me tonight. Can we start the introductions over? You are looking over my shoulder to impress someone tonight. I'm dying from only listening to you, and though i'm quiet, i'll find my voice tonight. I know that I can be cold sometimes, there was snow on the ground when i was born. And the stars didn't shine that night. Take me out, take me out, and I'll melt, I'll melt. All the way down.