Looks like morning in your eyes
It's taken a few days for me to bring it up, but I'm very saddened by Ronald Reagan's death. I don't know all that much about politics, but I adored the man for everything but his political views. He had a great sense of humor, an unwavering ability to see the best in people, a noble aspiration to change this country for the better, gave his everything to his work and his personal relationships -- the list is neverending. Obviously I didn't know him, but those are qualities that to me were always visible both physically and on paper. His life with Nancy was beautifully told in photos and letters in a book I will always consider a personal treasure although it's about someone else's lives. It seemed to me they both handled the pressures of living in the spotlight with such grace and humility, never forgetting that at the core of all the hysteria and chaos was a great love that neither would let diminish in any way.
There's a special on MSNBC that is killing me slowly. There's footage of Nancy reading some of the letters herself and it's both heartwarming and heartbreaking all at once. She says in the book that Alzheimers makes for a very long goodbye, and I can only imagine how devastating it must have been watching him slip away for the past ten years.
Behind the cut are letters written by Ronald Reagan. Thought I'd include a few for anyone who may be curious and might not otherwise ever come across them. For me, the devotion apparent in all his letters to her put me in the most peaceful state of mind; I can read them over and over.
___________________
Sunday March 20, 1955
My Darling
Here it is -- our day and if we were home we'd have a fire and "funnies" and we'd hate anyone who called or dropped in.
As it is I'm sitting here on the 6th floor beside a phoney fireplace looking out at a grey wet sky and listening to a radio play music not intended for one person alone.
Nevertheless I wouldn't trade the way I feel for the loneliness of those days when one place was like another and it didn't matter how long I stayed away. With all the "missing you" there is still such a wonderful warmth in the loneliness like looking forward to a bright warm room. No matter how dark & cold it is at the moment -- you know the room is there and waiting.
Of course when I say "you" anymore I'm talking about a package deal -- you and the two & a half year old you. Time goes so slowly and I'm such a coward when you are out of sight -- so afraid something will go wrong if I'm not there to take care of you, so be very careful.
It's time to move on to the next town now and every move is a step toward home and you. I love you so very much I don't even mind that life made me wait so long to find you. The waiting only made the finding sweeter.
When you get this we will be almost halfway through the lonely stretch.
I love you
Ronnie
________
Thursday May 24, 1963
My Darling
Last night we had our double telephone call and all day (I didn't work) I've been re-writing the story of my life as done by Richard Hubler. Tomorrow I'll do my last day of location and then I'll call you and I'll tell you I love you and I'll mean it but somehow because of the inhibitions we all have I won't feel that I've expressed all that you really mean to me.
...
Do you know that when you sleep you curl your fists up under your chin and many mornings when it is barely dawn I lie facing you and looking at you until finally I have to touch you ever so lightly so you won't wake up -- but touch you I must or I'll burst?
Just think: I've discovered I can be fond of Ann Blyth because she and her Dr. seem to have something of what we have. Of course it can't really be as wonderful for them because she isn't you but still it helps to know there are others who might just possibly know a little about what it's like to love someone so much that it seems as if I have my hand stretched clear across the mountains and desert until it's holding your hand there in our room in front of the fireplace.
Probably this letter will reach you only a few hours before I arrive myself, but not really because right now as I try to say what is in my heart I think my thoughts must be reaching you without waiting for paper and ink and stamps and such. If I ache, it's because we are apart and yet that can't be because you are inside and a part of me, so we aren't really apart at all. Yet I ache but wouldn't be without the ache because that would mean being without you and that I can't be because I love you.
Your Husband
___________
November 5, 1994
My Fellow Americans,
I have recently been told that I am one of the millions of Americans who will be afflicted with Alzheimer's Disease.
Upon learning this news, Nancy & I had to decide whether as private citizens we would keep this a private matter or whether we would make this news known in a public way.
In the past Nancy suffered from breast cancer and I had my cancer surgeries. We found through our open disclosures we were able to raise public awareness. We were happy that as a result many more people underwent testing.
They were treated in early stages and able to return to normal, healthy lives.
So now, we feel it is important to share it with you. In opening our hearts, we hope this might promote greater awareness of this condition. Perhaps it will encourage a clearer understanding of the individuals and families who are affected by it.
At the moment I feel just fine. I intend to live the remainder of the years God gives me on this earth doing the things I have always done. I will continue to share life's journey with my beloved Nancy and my family. I plan to enjoy the great outdoors and stay in touch with my friends and supporters.
Unfortunately, as Alzheimer's Disease progresses, the family often bears a heavy burden. I only wish there was some way I could spare Nancy from this painful experience. When the time comes I am confident that with your help she will face it with faith and courage.
In closing let me thank you, the American people, for giving me the great honor of allowing me to serve as your President. When the Lord calls me home, whenever that may be, I will leave with the greatest love for this country of ours and eternal optimism for its future.
I now begin the journey that will lead me into the sunset of my life. I know that for America there will always be a bright dawn ahead.
Thank you my friends. May God always bless you.
Sincerely,
Ronald Reagan
_____________
There's a special on MSNBC that is killing me slowly. There's footage of Nancy reading some of the letters herself and it's both heartwarming and heartbreaking all at once. She says in the book that Alzheimers makes for a very long goodbye, and I can only imagine how devastating it must have been watching him slip away for the past ten years.
Behind the cut are letters written by Ronald Reagan. Thought I'd include a few for anyone who may be curious and might not otherwise ever come across them. For me, the devotion apparent in all his letters to her put me in the most peaceful state of mind; I can read them over and over.
___________________
Sunday March 20, 1955
My Darling
Here it is -- our day and if we were home we'd have a fire and "funnies" and we'd hate anyone who called or dropped in.
As it is I'm sitting here on the 6th floor beside a phoney fireplace looking out at a grey wet sky and listening to a radio play music not intended for one person alone.
Nevertheless I wouldn't trade the way I feel for the loneliness of those days when one place was like another and it didn't matter how long I stayed away. With all the "missing you" there is still such a wonderful warmth in the loneliness like looking forward to a bright warm room. No matter how dark & cold it is at the moment -- you know the room is there and waiting.
Of course when I say "you" anymore I'm talking about a package deal -- you and the two & a half year old you. Time goes so slowly and I'm such a coward when you are out of sight -- so afraid something will go wrong if I'm not there to take care of you, so be very careful.
It's time to move on to the next town now and every move is a step toward home and you. I love you so very much I don't even mind that life made me wait so long to find you. The waiting only made the finding sweeter.
When you get this we will be almost halfway through the lonely stretch.
I love you
Ronnie
________
Thursday May 24, 1963
My Darling
Last night we had our double telephone call and all day (I didn't work) I've been re-writing the story of my life as done by Richard Hubler. Tomorrow I'll do my last day of location and then I'll call you and I'll tell you I love you and I'll mean it but somehow because of the inhibitions we all have I won't feel that I've expressed all that you really mean to me.
...
Do you know that when you sleep you curl your fists up under your chin and many mornings when it is barely dawn I lie facing you and looking at you until finally I have to touch you ever so lightly so you won't wake up -- but touch you I must or I'll burst?
Just think: I've discovered I can be fond of Ann Blyth because she and her Dr. seem to have something of what we have. Of course it can't really be as wonderful for them because she isn't you but still it helps to know there are others who might just possibly know a little about what it's like to love someone so much that it seems as if I have my hand stretched clear across the mountains and desert until it's holding your hand there in our room in front of the fireplace.
Probably this letter will reach you only a few hours before I arrive myself, but not really because right now as I try to say what is in my heart I think my thoughts must be reaching you without waiting for paper and ink and stamps and such. If I ache, it's because we are apart and yet that can't be because you are inside and a part of me, so we aren't really apart at all. Yet I ache but wouldn't be without the ache because that would mean being without you and that I can't be because I love you.
Your Husband
___________
November 5, 1994
My Fellow Americans,
I have recently been told that I am one of the millions of Americans who will be afflicted with Alzheimer's Disease.
Upon learning this news, Nancy & I had to decide whether as private citizens we would keep this a private matter or whether we would make this news known in a public way.
In the past Nancy suffered from breast cancer and I had my cancer surgeries. We found through our open disclosures we were able to raise public awareness. We were happy that as a result many more people underwent testing.
They were treated in early stages and able to return to normal, healthy lives.
So now, we feel it is important to share it with you. In opening our hearts, we hope this might promote greater awareness of this condition. Perhaps it will encourage a clearer understanding of the individuals and families who are affected by it.
At the moment I feel just fine. I intend to live the remainder of the years God gives me on this earth doing the things I have always done. I will continue to share life's journey with my beloved Nancy and my family. I plan to enjoy the great outdoors and stay in touch with my friends and supporters.
Unfortunately, as Alzheimer's Disease progresses, the family often bears a heavy burden. I only wish there was some way I could spare Nancy from this painful experience. When the time comes I am confident that with your help she will face it with faith and courage.
In closing let me thank you, the American people, for giving me the great honor of allowing me to serve as your President. When the Lord calls me home, whenever that may be, I will leave with the greatest love for this country of ours and eternal optimism for its future.
I now begin the journey that will lead me into the sunset of my life. I know that for America there will always be a bright dawn ahead.
Thank you my friends. May God always bless you.
Sincerely,
Ronald Reagan
_____________