(no subject)
Ansley hits the ground with his worn out green rubber ball. It bounces into his face. Today is rainy, the unpleasant kind of rainy. Benni is stationed in front of me. i am doing her makeup. Behind me, rickford is sleeping, silently, patiently, as a whole self. I try to imagine what he is dreaming of. It could easily be a concert. I don’t dream. The one dream I had went like this:
I am sitting on a small green patch of rubber in a green and purple field. The sky, a bright, piercing orange, is shining in my eyes. I can’t help but feel I am being watched. Suddenly a huge figure pops up behind me, it is a blow up of a baseball bat and it is three D. and I step into it and end up in mist which doesn’t exist. I hold on to time and suddenly egg cups hold philosophies and the shadows moving behind me are a children’s basketball game where the hair shoes seven and a hangnail.
I can’t grasp the weird way the dream unfolded. Ideas become tangible and I can touch concepts and things are alive and I am chased by myself, in a sombrero. The greenhouse on the roof leads me onto another roof there is a poodle it is pink and a model is holding it I spiral into a chip bowl in a house where my bed is not mine anymore and the pool is an ocean, the stairways lead to anywhere and the light bulb needing fixing makes me pregnant.
I doubt this is what rickford is dreaming. But then again, I always doubt rickford.
I am done with Benni, and she looks magnificent. Ansley has left, and in his place Gerard is hitting his head on a table. I ask him why. He says that he needs to be punished. Bad Gerard. Bad Gerard! He screams now. I look at rickford behind my shoulder. He is still asleep. Now Gerard is crying like a baby in my arms, loud and wet and full of snot. He wipes his face on his hands, and then hugs me tighter with the salty mess of his fingers. I ask him what is wrong and he tells me its all his fault he didn’t mean to don’t get mad. Then he says yes do get mad kill me please I should die stop being friends with me I am terrible. I tell him he is being ridiculous, what did he do?
“Oliver” he says, letting the words pop a bubble of saliva on his trembling lips. I ask “what about Oliver?” and he tells me everything. It takes him at least fifteen minutes until he is satisfied with the way it comes out because he keeps going back and correcting himself. He can’t stand to leave anything out.
Basically, when Gerard was in the park he saw Oliver with my mom and said hi and can I borrow him and then he and Oliver played in the park for a while, having fun.
“all I wanted was to make him happy.” Says Gerard, spouting another stream of big fat teardrops.
“that’s all”
He had left Oliver in the park when he was going to get an ice cream for him. When he came back, Oliver was NOT in the park. He was too scared to stay so he left and locked himself in the bathroom. This was two hours ago.
Benni has my jacket in her arms, and now she runs to wake rickford. She has taken to him quite well and even though I am no longer dating her brother we still like to hang out. She shakes him violently, and he sits up. Benni whispers into his ear, and then he is next to me. we go to the car, leaving Gerard because he is such a pitiful mess, and he feels disgusting and looks disgusting and is disgusting.
The car ride is painful. Every time we are at a stop light I feel like Oliver is going farther away from me. I hold rickford and he kisses my eyelids gently, they are puffy and red. I ask Benni what she wants for her birthday. She says finding Oliver would be pretty good, let’s think about that.
Our first stop is the ice cream stand, Oliver is not there. We split up.
I check the trees. Oliver is not there.
rickford looks in the playground. Oliver is not there.
Finally, I see Benni, tugging at something in the fountain. She is crying now, too. In her fragile arms is Oliver, limp, waterlogged, half-dead. Rickford jumps at him to try and save his life, Ansley calls 911, and I sit by him and watch.
In fifteen panicked minutes an ambulance has arrived. I am crying still but Benni’s face is dry and she doesn’t have snot down half of her face and shirt so she explains what happened, gives information, and then comes to tell me (I am huddled on a bench) that I can get in the ambulance and they think he will be okay. I crawl in. Rickford isn’t family so he can’t come but we tell them that he is my cousin and benni is my little sister and they don’t ask for any I.D. or anything so we all ride together.
I peer over my sweater at Oliver’s face, still motionless. He looks sort of like an angel. A wet, sad, angel, but still an angel. And I can swear I see a halo of white light over his head. Benni is sitting in my lap, brushing my hair out of my face, being careful not to startle me or say anything. Rickford is sitting up like an elementary school teacher with his back straight. He has not taken his eye off of oliver.
When we get to Birmingham Hospital Oliver is qucikly taken to the ER. I sit outside in the hall, holding Benni’s hand on one side and Rickford’s on the other. We call gerard and tell him we found Oliver.
TO BE CONTINUED
btw i am going to have a new story. ask leah.
I am sitting on a small green patch of rubber in a green and purple field. The sky, a bright, piercing orange, is shining in my eyes. I can’t help but feel I am being watched. Suddenly a huge figure pops up behind me, it is a blow up of a baseball bat and it is three D. and I step into it and end up in mist which doesn’t exist. I hold on to time and suddenly egg cups hold philosophies and the shadows moving behind me are a children’s basketball game where the hair shoes seven and a hangnail.
I can’t grasp the weird way the dream unfolded. Ideas become tangible and I can touch concepts and things are alive and I am chased by myself, in a sombrero. The greenhouse on the roof leads me onto another roof there is a poodle it is pink and a model is holding it I spiral into a chip bowl in a house where my bed is not mine anymore and the pool is an ocean, the stairways lead to anywhere and the light bulb needing fixing makes me pregnant.
I doubt this is what rickford is dreaming. But then again, I always doubt rickford.
I am done with Benni, and she looks magnificent. Ansley has left, and in his place Gerard is hitting his head on a table. I ask him why. He says that he needs to be punished. Bad Gerard. Bad Gerard! He screams now. I look at rickford behind my shoulder. He is still asleep. Now Gerard is crying like a baby in my arms, loud and wet and full of snot. He wipes his face on his hands, and then hugs me tighter with the salty mess of his fingers. I ask him what is wrong and he tells me its all his fault he didn’t mean to don’t get mad. Then he says yes do get mad kill me please I should die stop being friends with me I am terrible. I tell him he is being ridiculous, what did he do?
“Oliver” he says, letting the words pop a bubble of saliva on his trembling lips. I ask “what about Oliver?” and he tells me everything. It takes him at least fifteen minutes until he is satisfied with the way it comes out because he keeps going back and correcting himself. He can’t stand to leave anything out.
Basically, when Gerard was in the park he saw Oliver with my mom and said hi and can I borrow him and then he and Oliver played in the park for a while, having fun.
“all I wanted was to make him happy.” Says Gerard, spouting another stream of big fat teardrops.
“that’s all”
He had left Oliver in the park when he was going to get an ice cream for him. When he came back, Oliver was NOT in the park. He was too scared to stay so he left and locked himself in the bathroom. This was two hours ago.
Benni has my jacket in her arms, and now she runs to wake rickford. She has taken to him quite well and even though I am no longer dating her brother we still like to hang out. She shakes him violently, and he sits up. Benni whispers into his ear, and then he is next to me. we go to the car, leaving Gerard because he is such a pitiful mess, and he feels disgusting and looks disgusting and is disgusting.
The car ride is painful. Every time we are at a stop light I feel like Oliver is going farther away from me. I hold rickford and he kisses my eyelids gently, they are puffy and red. I ask Benni what she wants for her birthday. She says finding Oliver would be pretty good, let’s think about that.
Our first stop is the ice cream stand, Oliver is not there. We split up.
I check the trees. Oliver is not there.
rickford looks in the playground. Oliver is not there.
Finally, I see Benni, tugging at something in the fountain. She is crying now, too. In her fragile arms is Oliver, limp, waterlogged, half-dead. Rickford jumps at him to try and save his life, Ansley calls 911, and I sit by him and watch.
In fifteen panicked minutes an ambulance has arrived. I am crying still but Benni’s face is dry and she doesn’t have snot down half of her face and shirt so she explains what happened, gives information, and then comes to tell me (I am huddled on a bench) that I can get in the ambulance and they think he will be okay. I crawl in. Rickford isn’t family so he can’t come but we tell them that he is my cousin and benni is my little sister and they don’t ask for any I.D. or anything so we all ride together.
I peer over my sweater at Oliver’s face, still motionless. He looks sort of like an angel. A wet, sad, angel, but still an angel. And I can swear I see a halo of white light over his head. Benni is sitting in my lap, brushing my hair out of my face, being careful not to startle me or say anything. Rickford is sitting up like an elementary school teacher with his back straight. He has not taken his eye off of oliver.
When we get to Birmingham Hospital Oliver is qucikly taken to the ER. I sit outside in the hall, holding Benni’s hand on one side and Rickford’s on the other. We call gerard and tell him we found Oliver.
TO BE CONTINUED
btw i am going to have a new story. ask leah.