fear of the unknown.

[fuckdaglitz]

im already feeling crushed. already assuming the worst. already letting my heart break. today was reality check that i wasnt prepared to hear and i can't help but cry. i cant help but feel my day dreams are being ruined. my future plans not being my future.

i see myself getting stuck. feeling more and more stuck. watching my surroundings having to have to become my home. feeling my world get smaller and smaller. a force outside of my control is dictating my life. taking control of it and taking my dreams crushing and twisting them in her palm, not realzing they are my light. easily dismissing me and not realizing the desire, the hard work, and passion that i have.

it's hard because this is so now out of my control, but i will do everything i can anything i can do to get past this and do it and get in and hopefully that will be enough. i cant change the past, but only work towards my future.

i suddenly feel so helpless and if she only knew how deeply i want this. how much this is apart of me. if only through my words and actions when i meet her can i convey this. if only she could see in me and feel what i feel, see what i see, know what i know, and tha she herself may feel overwhelmed with my motivation and desire to really accomplish this and do well.