everyday gets harder and harder and i have been holding on for way to long i think its about time i let go and fall forever. cause i know there is no one to catch me and i guess thats a good thing that no one is there to catch me cause i am sick of people hurting me. its not like a little hurt its a hurt that no one can fix one that goes right to your hurt and you can never heal from it cause its to deep. i thought love makes the world go round at one point but the only thing that makes the world go round is people hurtting you and betraying you. thats no suprise in my life i have been lied to over and over again i also been lied to about people loveing me and promising that they will not hurt me and guess what they due.....hurt me. i keep most of my promises and never back out on one yet.other people (mostly girls) they promise "ray i will not leave you....they leave me, ray i promise i will not cheat on you...they cheat one me, the biggest one of them all is ray i promise i will not hurt you...they hurt me bad." so whats the point. i see death is a very good way of leaving this shitty world. its fun how growing up my whole life i tryed to kill myself so many times and it was never cutting my wriste its all ways drug overdoses. i told told so many people when i was 18 i wanted to die before my 22 birthday its comming up this saturday. the other day i saw a razor blade sitting in my car and i thought to my self i never ever tried to kill my self cutting because i always went for overdoses. but the other day i thought to myself wounder if it will hurt so if you can guess i tryed it. but it wasnt a suicide attept it was just to see if it hurt worse then the lies people feed me my hole life.
ray
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i miss you.
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