Now that we're here, we're so far away....
So yeah, things aren't going so well, but you all knew that already. I swear I spend like every second here wanting to leave. I just want to transfer out, nothing can be worse than here. It's like jail, seriously. I cant do anything without people watching me. I'm serious. The other day I went running off campus and a security guard followed me around the entire time. I don't know. This school wasnt chosen by me and it was a BIG mistake by me. My parents chose this for me and I don't know what the hell I was thinking because this is the worst possible place in the world for me. I hate that I can't have fun and have friends, I mean it's fricken October already. I dont know how I am going to last the entire year like this. And what was I thinking, taking fucking the worst classes ever. I can't do it. It seems like every week I confide within myself and cry. Everytime. I look in the mirror and see how sad I look and it's depressing. How can I live like this? I've done it before, and I don't want to do it again. Siena just sucks so much. Everytime I come back here after the weekend I get a sense of dread inside myself saying "I'm back here again...shit" It's just torture. COllege isn't supposed to be torture is it? How can Siena not have club sports. How retarded are you. I thought this was a big sports school, thats bull shit. I can't wait till I can get out of here. I swear, every week I look forward to the same thing...the weekend so that I can be happy again and enjoy my life. I just want to have a normal college experience, ya know, going to dinner and eating, playing sports, having fun, DRINKING maybe? Would that be so hard. Honestly, I have no independance here. I feel like I cant go anywhere or do anything without someone watching me. It's ridiculous. I seriously hate my life right now and I hate bringing everyone else down with me. But I can't keep holding all these feelings inside like this, its tearing me apart. So many things have gone wrong in my life, why did this have to be one of them? I can't stand it.
I don't know where I am transferring yet but I know that I want a school that is big, and somehwere I can play a sport....aka softball. Not Division One because thats just too much. I am thinking Division 3. And I want a school with lots of clubs that are INTERESTING and not gay like Siena. I swear I don't know how I am gonna do this. This was the worst decesion byb far, I have ever made in my life. I hate this. The schoolwork is just stupid, I can't believe it. I feel like I am an object and not a person. I don't feel any different from anyone else and thats the worst. I can't express myself through sports and its the worst feeling in the world. I hate this.
I don't know where I am transferring yet but I know that I want a school that is big, and somehwere I can play a sport....aka softball. Not Division One because thats just too much. I am thinking Division 3. And I want a school with lots of clubs that are INTERESTING and not gay like Siena. I swear I don't know how I am gonna do this. This was the worst decesion byb far, I have ever made in my life. I hate this. The schoolwork is just stupid, I can't believe it. I feel like I am an object and not a person. I don't feel any different from anyone else and thats the worst. I can't express myself through sports and its the worst feeling in the world. I hate this.