i don't know which way to go.. my life is spinning out of control..
for some reason, in the past 24 hours life has gone to shit.
i had a great day, really. got to hang out with dave, nikki, and justina, even matt s. saw blade: trinity, and i loved chilling with justina. we never chill anymore. i don't think she's coming out tomorrow. prolly for the best, i suppose...
but something just isn't right. i don't feel right. i don't feel happy. life confuses me. i'm so lonely right now. and the thing is, i keep turning to friends to fill that gap.
example? with meaghan the other night. i feel awful about that. not because of bob, since i now-officially dislike him. just because it was disrespectful to her considering she does have bob, and has feelings for him. i like that girl so much, she's such a great person. and i can't help but feel if she breaks up with bob that maybe i have a shot. it makes me sound like a total prick, maybe i am. i don't think bob deserves her. maybe i don't either. as long as she's happy, that's all the matters i suppose.
another example you ask? justina tonight. not so much really, but i feel now that maybe i hugged her too many times, or whatever. i dunno. i'm overthinking everything right now. i just need someone to be there. more than a friend. friends aren't doing much right now. they're great when i'm with them, but all most of them live so goddam far away.
so, at the peak of my eighteenth year, i wonder what's worth living for anymore. i don't know. tonight i feel like i want to break down and just cry. give the old tears a go. maybe i will. i dunno...
i can look forward to getting piss drunk stupid tomorrow though... drink my sorrows away for a night..
i had a great day, really. got to hang out with dave, nikki, and justina, even matt s. saw blade: trinity, and i loved chilling with justina. we never chill anymore. i don't think she's coming out tomorrow. prolly for the best, i suppose...
but something just isn't right. i don't feel right. i don't feel happy. life confuses me. i'm so lonely right now. and the thing is, i keep turning to friends to fill that gap.
example? with meaghan the other night. i feel awful about that. not because of bob, since i now-officially dislike him. just because it was disrespectful to her considering she does have bob, and has feelings for him. i like that girl so much, she's such a great person. and i can't help but feel if she breaks up with bob that maybe i have a shot. it makes me sound like a total prick, maybe i am. i don't think bob deserves her. maybe i don't either. as long as she's happy, that's all the matters i suppose.
another example you ask? justina tonight. not so much really, but i feel now that maybe i hugged her too many times, or whatever. i dunno. i'm overthinking everything right now. i just need someone to be there. more than a friend. friends aren't doing much right now. they're great when i'm with them, but all most of them live so goddam far away.
so, at the peak of my eighteenth year, i wonder what's worth living for anymore. i don't know. tonight i feel like i want to break down and just cry. give the old tears a go. maybe i will. i dunno...
i can look forward to getting piss drunk stupid tomorrow though... drink my sorrows away for a night..