Scared
AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
What the hell is happening? I can't take this, I'm scared. It's already the end of my freshman year in high school, Greg graduated last year, Kristin graduates this year, I've been in Massena for almost 4 years and I've still yet to find any sort of groove here. Well that's not entirely true, I have a few good friends, a wonderful girlfriend and of course tennis, but what else? Apparently I'm not nearly as smart as I thought, or at least I'm a lot lazier then I thought. Sugarcult sums it up well "Give it up, I don't give a fuck, I'm tired of being ordinary." I still don't have any distinguishing accomplishments. A lot of the people I was hanging out with at the Relay graduated already, or are like 3 years older than me. What happens when Greg's friends stop coming home for the summer? I have 3 fucking friends. When Greg was orginally going to go to Oswego, the night he left I cried. I don't know what I'm going to do once he's gone. It seems life is just moving too fast for me to grasp anything lately. I don't know what's happening anymore. I miss the Junior High. I don't want to worry about Global DBQs and Chem regents, I don't want to grow up, not yet. I'm not done being a carefree child yet. Let me just hold on to this time for a little longer. I'm not going to say that I want to stay an innocent child, I was never an innocent child, but I want to hold on to my sanity at least. I can't handle the speed at which life seems to jump forword. I thought you had to learn to crawl, and walk before you could bound crazily from one year to the next? I'd like to say that I'm going to make an honest effort to be a better person, participate a little more, but it's all bullshit, I'm afraid to stick my neck out there. I'm afraid something bad will happen, I live a safe, sheltered life. I only know the people I know now because they approached me or they are my brother's friend. I'm done bitching and feeling sorry for myself, I've dug this hole myself, and although no one reads this I still feel like I'm dumping ym shit on other people.