Apparently, Jen. Again.
It bothers me that you can sit there and blame her for everything that's happening when, let's face it, what's going on is completely between you and me. She didn't go out of HER way to comment on YOUR Facebook, and then get mad when what she said wasn't agreed with. Like I'm sorry, but it's a LITTLE BIT of a fucking cop-out to say, "Maybe this is God punishing me for my past actions!!!1" No, sorry. That's one of the most immature things a person can say. It indicates very clearly to me that you have no ability to take responsibility for your own actions, so you blame it on some omnipotent presence who is victimizing you. All you're doing is trying to rationalize your actions to convince yourself that the outcome was somehow out of your control, somebody else's fault. No, it wasn't. This has been in your control every single step of the way. Every thing that has happened in the past few days, weeks, months, has been as a result of things that YOU have done. This is not karma. This is not divine retribution. This is simply the consequences to actions that you took (or didn't take). Period. Don't act like a victim. Don't act like this wasn't in your control. Don't act like we've somehow been treating you like shit, because the last time I checked, you commented on her Facebook. You commented on my LiveJournal. YOU were talking about ME, and then turned it around and tried to make it seem like we were talking about you. Let me make this very clear to you.
We do not read your LiveJournal.
We do not go out of our way to, I don't know, victimize you, lash out at you, be negative in your general direction, whatever the hell you think.
We do not talk about you.
We do not even THINK about you when you aren't getting into our shit and causing problems (again).
We do not care about you enough to go out of way to hurt you, think about you, talk about you, gossip about you, read your LiveJournal. I know you think that you're really important to us and our social lives and our involvement with each other, but in reality, you really aren't. Before this whole shit that you started a couple days ago, I can't even remember the last time we talked about you, or the last time I even thought about you. Oh, actually, yes I do. It was the LAST time you started shit with me.
It baffles me that you can treat her the way you do and still call herself your friend, still claim to care.
It completely astounds me when you can one day tell her how intelligent and mature she is, how proud you are of her (for accomplishments that you don't ask about), and then the next day turn around and tell her that you know that the person who she actually is is fake, and copying me, and that she's immature and inexperienced and just simply too weak-willed to have her own personality as opposed to just stealing mine.
It annoys me that you've known her at least as long as I have (if not longer) and you don't even know her well enough to be able to pick out the most obvious points of her personality. She's an outspoken and opinionated person, probably moreso than me, even, and you don't even know THAT much about her. Or really, to be honest, I think you just want to demonize her to make yourself into a victim, because if she's the bad guy, then it means you're the good guy.
I don't understand how you can look at her and say that you defended her all the time, and she's never been there for you.
You probably don't remember this, but there was a point when we were still in UG - this must have been like, oh, over two years ago, maybe two and a half to three years - and I remember, even then, Mariah had come to me and was like, "Honestly, Holly, I feel completely abandoned by Jen. We were friends and then all of a sudden she stopped talking to me." She was really, really hurt by it. Even THEN, and this was before all the problems, there was a disconnect, an obvious lack of effort on your part. Within the last year I can't even tell you how many times Mariah has come to me, upset, because something bad had been happening in her life, and all you did was sit there and talk about Kyle for three hours. How you would go days weeks months without saying a single word to her, tell her "now that you have a cell phone, we can talk/text every day!", and then not call her once. And then all of a sudden something is going on between you and I, and you message her sixteen times a day in paragraph-form, either to talk shit about the person who you KNOW is her best friend, or to bitch about your life, or to talk about Kyle (like usual. And don't pretend you don't do this, because I have logs going back to last November and in EVERY. SINGLE. CONVERSATION, you spent at LEAST half an hour per conversation talking about him). Never once asking her about herself, how are you doing, how was your day, have you been sick lately, how are things with Matt, Theo, your parents, your cats. You decide to start shit up with me again and then all of a sudden!, you're calling her five times in two hours even though YOU HAVE NEVER CALLED HER BEFORE IN HER ENTIRE LIFE. When nothing is going on, you ignore her. When some drama is going on, you wedge yourself right in there, try to talk shit about me, turn her against me, make her pick you, make yourself the victim. If you cared about her at all, you would NEVER put her in a position to have to choose between you and me, to have to choose whether to appease you or talk shit about one of her best friend. I think you massively overestimate your importance, because neither of us care about you enough to make the effort to either maintain a friendship or start shit with you in any way, and yet every time, you make me the enemy, yourself the suffering heroine, and Mariah the battleground. It isn't fair at all. She has nothing to do with how much you dislike me still, even though I don't talk to or about you at all (for the simple fact that I don't give a shit). You drag her into your personal vendetta and she's the one who ends up getting hurt at the end. YOU alienated her from you, not me. Not my words, my actions. YOU. Don't blame it on me, her, or the circumstances. It was YOU who did that to her, and your friendship. This is how your relationship with Mariah goes.
1. Something happens - you talk shit about me with a mutual friend and get caught, read a LiveJournal entry and assume it's about you, etc. Some type of drama/bullshit happens that has nothing to do with you, and you either assume it's about you or inject yourself into the middle of it, though you don't even care enough to type "hi" into an MSN window to her. You're "busy", too busy to talk to her but not too busy to write about us five times a day.
2. You go to Mariah and talk shit. You go to LiveJournal and write three entries a day about her and I, and then bitch about her when she does it, too, which clearly is not hypocritical at all.
3. You send her a slew of Facebook, LiveJournal and MSN message, a paragraph long, detailing how much of a negative, catty bitch I am, and telling her that she's "essentially a good person underneath it all but too wrapped up in stealing Holly's personality!!!!1 I know this because I'm more mature and perceptive than you and you just need to grow up like me, because clearly if you don't see things my way, then it's the wrong way and you just don't understand!!". You call her five times a day and text her every other minute at all hours of the day, though you were too busy to do this before.
4. Everything ends because we don't want to put up with your holier-than-thou bullshit attitude anymore.
5. Three days later you MSN her and apologize, say that it's "just because you were angry, but we all get angry and I'm trying so hard to change that and become a better person", all tha pseudo-philosophical New Age hippie wannabe bull, and then assume that no damage has been done and everything goes back to normal with her.
6. Message her every single day to talk about your problems and write novel-sized paragraphs about Kyle while simultaneously not asking a single question about her.
7. Within a week to a month, completely lose interest in her. Continue to come online, but just stop messaging her.
8. Repeat step one ("something happens").
I'm tired of the way you treat her.
I'm tired of you looking down at her and treating her how you would treat a little girl - like you're mature and wise and have everything to teach her. Like she should learn everything from you and any other independent personality development that you disagree with is WRONG and BAD and THE WRONG PATH.
I'm tired of you knowing nothing about her and then turning around and trying to tell her who she is.
I'm tired of you assuming that she's always going to be there, the person you can go to when you need to bitch, but the person who you aren't there for when it's her turn to need you. The epitome of a fairweather friend.
I'm tired of you going out of your way to interject yourself into our relationship somehow because you can't stand that I'm over it, that I don't care about you and that Mariah and I are close, always have been and always will be, no matter what you say or do, no matter what kind of dramatic temper tantrums you have, simply because you hate that I have no emotions towards you whatsoever when you're still so angry at me that you're reading my LJ and having conversations about me daily with your IRL friends.
I'm tried of you acting like the wounded martyr and making Mariah the pretext upon which to start shit with me.
I'm tired of you not so much as asking her how she's feeling today.
Insert lupus joke here.
Most of all, I'm tired of your hypocricy, your superior attitude, your pseudo-philosophicality and intellectualism, acting like doing drugs and fucking strangers is the epitome of worldly understanding. You aren't more wise than her. You aren't more intelligent than her. And I'd wager just about everything I own to bet that she's been through a lot more than you have. Get the hell out of our lives for good because if I were an outsider reading this, I would think it would be damn obvious that we don't want anything to do with you. Like honestly. Get out. Get out of my ass. Get out of her life. Get out of our relationship. There is nothing you can ever do to split us up, ever. Stop trying. Period, the end. Nothing more to say.
I am sleepy, though, my mom woke me up at 6:00 in the morning because she thought I stole her makeup. Gonna take advantage of the last of this beautifully air conditioned house before I have to go home to that fucking 45-degree house that stinks and that I'm going to have to clean all day (though no matter how hard or how often I clean, it's always just as messy). Ugh, completely not looking forward to going home now. Anyway. C'est la vie, I guess I'll hire a maid to come over and clear with my HST cheque or something.
HOLLY OUT.