Good weekend, bad morning.
Okay, so this weekend wasn't too bad. Sunday, I went up to the park in the afternoon and met up with Trista, Lee, Billy, and Shayla. Unfortunately, I got into another fight with Lee (I've gotten into a close to physical fight with her before). This time, it actually did get physical. She was being a huge bitch to Trista, which I definitely didn't like because Trista is... well... I protect her. After all of the things that have happened, and our history, I've taken it upon myself to be her personal guard dog. Her saying things to Trista didn't bother me too much because Trista was saying things back. Then, Lee brought me into the conversation. I'm sorry, but fuck no. I don't take that shit. Female or not, I have no qualms about hitting a girl like that. So, she calls me a stupid bitch. Yeah, I know... big ouch. Unfortunately for her, she has the mouth that just won't stop running even when she knows better, so I get out of my car, walk over to hers, pull open the door and say, "say it again." I gave her a chance to just shut up and... nevermind. I grabbed her by the throat and yanked her out of her car. Yeah, I know it was wrong of me, but I didn't grab her throat that hard... and I let her go after she was on her feet. Then she started to say it again, and I grabbed her throat again and... crap.
I really shouldn't have done that. I mean, I feel bad about doing it now, not because I feel bad about doing it to her, because I hate her, but because I did that to a girl. She may be a slutty dyke bitch, but she's still a woman, and... see, the thing is, I can control myself now. I've become able to control myself and my anger to the point that I don't even want to hit people anymore. I didn't really want to go at her like that, it was really just to get her to shut her mouth. If I was out to hurt her, she'd have been hurt, and I didn't grab her throat that tight, just enough to hold her.
Anyway, Trista pulled me off and we left. Got kinda drunk that night, but not too bad, and had a big discussion about religion. It's nice getting to rant about it to a fellow atheist. I'm still very unsure about religion. Sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it doesn't.
So, Monday was the big day. Me and Trista went and got me some new contacts, silicon so I can wear them at night. They're expensive, though, so now I'm wondering if I shouldn't just switch to glasses for good, or something. Anyway, then we went to the Alachua County courthouse and got a name change packet. Then, I find out that I have to file it in the county I live at. Clay County. It's got Alachua already typed into one of the boxes on the forms, so I have to call Clay County courthouse today and see if I can use an Alachua County form in Clay County. ::sigh:: Also, I went to Santa Fe Community College and got my classes set up. I have to take my diploma up there so that they can make a copy of it because they lost the last one.
Man, there's a commercial on about social anxiety... I didn't know Zoloft worked for that. I used to be on it for depression. Didn't work on my social anxiety.
Phew, anywho... I also went to Wal-Mart to get a pair of jeans because I have none. I mean none. I have one pair of baggy jeans that are, like, too tight around the waist or something and make my hips look big. I don't know... they just don't fit right at all. Anyway, they didn't have my size because I'm a, like, 28 inch inseam or some ridiculously short legged measurement. It's times like that, trying to buy pants, that I hate my father. I get my shortness from him. In fact, most of my more feminine features are from him: my full lips, my long-lashed eyes, my short legs. My father doesn't look at all feminine, but it's like he has a few features that are, and genetics decided to give them to me. =\
Mmm... also went up to Worksource and got an application for the "Youth Care Worker." Unfortunately, they told me that they probably only allow people 21 and up to work there because "youth" also means 18, 19, and 20 years old, apparently.
After all of this was done, me and Trista stopped by the Adult Super Center. =) It's a big store of pr0n and sex toys and dildos and vibrators and... ooooh... they had bondage stuff. I shoulda got some bondage stuff. I went in there looking for a strap on, 'cause I was like, "well, if I'm here, I may as well do some comparison shopping," so I check 'em out. The one I liked was just a dildo and couldn't be used as a strap-on, and the only strap on I liked (highly realistic, even had the bulging veins and stuff) was seventy bucks and didn't have a harness for it. =\ So, I didn't get anything.
Okay, so that was Monday. Today, however, was the bad day. I'm only typing this now because I'm home from work. Why am I home from work? Well, last night, I had a big headache and my knees/hips/feet/whole fucking legs hurt, so I took some pain killers. My father has this thing where he thinks that the cheap stuff, no matter what it is, is always as good as the brand name, so he bought cheap, cheap, cheap pain killers with an ingredient I've never even heard of. Well, I've taken plenty of those, so I thought nothing of it and took one. Then I went to bed. When I woke up... well, I woke up late, for one. I just laid there in bed, kinda half asleep, for an hour. So, I called in late for work. Getting ready, I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
I about pissed myself.
My entire face was slightly swollen, and the left side of my upper lip was ballooned up to... well... it was fucking big. Then I started to realize that it had been numb. I hadn't really noticed it before then. Anyway, I freaked, tried to think of what the hell was going on, and then remembered I'd taken that pill. Checked the bottle and, yeah, allergic reactions are "common" and one of the reactions is "facial swelling." Well, fuck me.
I went to work anyway, didn't bother to clock in, but went straight to my supervisor's office and he just says, "go on home, I can see that it's swollen." Well, fuck me again. It's not that I wanted to go to work like that, because it's embarrassing as hell, but I drove all the way out there. That's an hour and a half drive for nothing. =\
Now I have a lot more running around to do today. My lip is still numb (though kinda painfully swollen). I want a nap. I hate Lee.
::grunt::
I really shouldn't have done that. I mean, I feel bad about doing it now, not because I feel bad about doing it to her, because I hate her, but because I did that to a girl. She may be a slutty dyke bitch, but she's still a woman, and... see, the thing is, I can control myself now. I've become able to control myself and my anger to the point that I don't even want to hit people anymore. I didn't really want to go at her like that, it was really just to get her to shut her mouth. If I was out to hurt her, she'd have been hurt, and I didn't grab her throat that tight, just enough to hold her.
Anyway, Trista pulled me off and we left. Got kinda drunk that night, but not too bad, and had a big discussion about religion. It's nice getting to rant about it to a fellow atheist. I'm still very unsure about religion. Sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it doesn't.
So, Monday was the big day. Me and Trista went and got me some new contacts, silicon so I can wear them at night. They're expensive, though, so now I'm wondering if I shouldn't just switch to glasses for good, or something. Anyway, then we went to the Alachua County courthouse and got a name change packet. Then, I find out that I have to file it in the county I live at. Clay County. It's got Alachua already typed into one of the boxes on the forms, so I have to call Clay County courthouse today and see if I can use an Alachua County form in Clay County. ::sigh:: Also, I went to Santa Fe Community College and got my classes set up. I have to take my diploma up there so that they can make a copy of it because they lost the last one.
Man, there's a commercial on about social anxiety... I didn't know Zoloft worked for that. I used to be on it for depression. Didn't work on my social anxiety.
Phew, anywho... I also went to Wal-Mart to get a pair of jeans because I have none. I mean none. I have one pair of baggy jeans that are, like, too tight around the waist or something and make my hips look big. I don't know... they just don't fit right at all. Anyway, they didn't have my size because I'm a, like, 28 inch inseam or some ridiculously short legged measurement. It's times like that, trying to buy pants, that I hate my father. I get my shortness from him. In fact, most of my more feminine features are from him: my full lips, my long-lashed eyes, my short legs. My father doesn't look at all feminine, but it's like he has a few features that are, and genetics decided to give them to me. =\
Mmm... also went up to Worksource and got an application for the "Youth Care Worker." Unfortunately, they told me that they probably only allow people 21 and up to work there because "youth" also means 18, 19, and 20 years old, apparently.
After all of this was done, me and Trista stopped by the Adult Super Center. =) It's a big store of pr0n and sex toys and dildos and vibrators and... ooooh... they had bondage stuff. I shoulda got some bondage stuff. I went in there looking for a strap on, 'cause I was like, "well, if I'm here, I may as well do some comparison shopping," so I check 'em out. The one I liked was just a dildo and couldn't be used as a strap-on, and the only strap on I liked (highly realistic, even had the bulging veins and stuff) was seventy bucks and didn't have a harness for it. =\ So, I didn't get anything.
Okay, so that was Monday. Today, however, was the bad day. I'm only typing this now because I'm home from work. Why am I home from work? Well, last night, I had a big headache and my knees/hips/feet/whole fucking legs hurt, so I took some pain killers. My father has this thing where he thinks that the cheap stuff, no matter what it is, is always as good as the brand name, so he bought cheap, cheap, cheap pain killers with an ingredient I've never even heard of. Well, I've taken plenty of those, so I thought nothing of it and took one. Then I went to bed. When I woke up... well, I woke up late, for one. I just laid there in bed, kinda half asleep, for an hour. So, I called in late for work. Getting ready, I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
I about pissed myself.
My entire face was slightly swollen, and the left side of my upper lip was ballooned up to... well... it was fucking big. Then I started to realize that it had been numb. I hadn't really noticed it before then. Anyway, I freaked, tried to think of what the hell was going on, and then remembered I'd taken that pill. Checked the bottle and, yeah, allergic reactions are "common" and one of the reactions is "facial swelling." Well, fuck me.
I went to work anyway, didn't bother to clock in, but went straight to my supervisor's office and he just says, "go on home, I can see that it's swollen." Well, fuck me again. It's not that I wanted to go to work like that, because it's embarrassing as hell, but I drove all the way out there. That's an hour and a half drive for nothing. =\
Now I have a lot more running around to do today. My lip is still numb (though kinda painfully swollen). I want a nap. I hate Lee.
::grunt::